Picky eating is not a mental illness.

Get a rice cooker if you don't have one. The $15 cheapo on Amazon will do the trick. Mom or you can make a big pot of rice to get through the week.

Let her have the kitchen to herself for a couple hours a week to prep herself a few meals at once for reheating later.

OP,

You know she has a mental illness and won't be able to tolerate most of your food.
You know you are not going to cook separate meals for her, particularly as this will be a slippery slope for your kids.
So make sure you tell her all this before she moves in: that either she eats what other people cook for her, or she cooks for herself.

I foresee cohabitation issues down the road, because there is no way a mental illness such as this is merely confined to food.

Yep, this requires the full frontal approach. You sit her down with DH and explain that you are raising your kids to appreciate and consume a wide variety of foods, that you both also enjoy a variety of dishes, and you will be continuing that practice. Ask her how she anticipates meeting her food needs given that fact. Then work out solutions.

Maybe you stock up on individual servings of microwaveable rice, so she can count on that. Maybe she cooks one night per week or twice a month, so she gets one meal of her choosing. Maybe she cooks her own dinners. It's up to her, because she is a grown up. But make it clear that complaining about what is served will result in her not being invited back to the family table.

Wait, how is your FIL involved? this is your mom? Or your MIL?

Anonymous wrote:OP, has she always been like this or did it start/get worse after your dad died? When MIL died, FIL freaked when menus changed at restaurants they used to eat at together. All had to do with him holding onto a memory that was now going away.

She's always been like this. My world was blown wide open when I went away to college. People don't eat rice as a side to EVERY meal?! There are MULTIPLE ways to prepare potatoes? There's not only ONE type of fish? I ate a pb&j sandwich every day for lunch from 1st grade through 11th (I couldn't do it anymore and stopped eating lunch to avoid those). My FIL just put up with it - sometimes he'd go out to eat with guy friends so he could eat other things.

Maybe your mom is just stressed about the big change she is about to experience and she is perseverating on food. It's got to be scary to be in her shoes. Give her a break and don't treat her like one of your children.

OP you would be smart to nip this in the bud as SOON as she moves in. This is not something you can cave on; it very likely will start problems with your own kids and their eating and soon you will literally be the short order cook.

I would have a conversation with her up front. This will be one of many things that you will have to negotiate with her moving in with you. As excited as everyone is, it will not be a 100% easy transition in a number of ways, and this is one of them.

This is your house. You prepare the food for the family, or she can do it herself. You choose the restaurants, or it's a family vote, or whatever. One person does not dictate where you will eat out, or how often.

The difference between her and a toddler is that she is an adult and can prepare food for herself. I'm sure you will work out some kind of system after you've been living together for a few weeks. Maybe you, your DH and your mom can all take turns cooking. If she doesn't want what you've made, she can make herself something else or have leftovers or get takeout. When you go out to a restaurant of your choosing, she can find something to eat or choose to stay home. No need to treat her like a child. Do what you normally do and hopefully she'll branch out some.

It would be a different story if she were physically incapable of preparing food or if she was coming at your request to provide free child care. If that were the case I would suggest being more accommodating to her tastes.

I don't make separate meals for my kids if they happen to not like what I make, no way would I do it for a grown woman. As others have said, she is certainly able to make herself something else if she is that picky

OP, has she always been like this or did it start/get worse after your dad died? When MIL died, FIL freaked when menus changed at restaurants they used to eat at together. All had to do with him holding onto a memory that was now going away.

She eats with the family or she prepares her own food. She's an adult and will be treated like one.

OP, how much does your mother cook for herself vs. going out to a restaurant to eat? When your father was alive, what did they eat together?

I wouldn't even bother about it. If your mom doesn't like what you've prepared, she's more than capable of making something for herself. I can't imagine she expects you to make special meals for her.

My mother is moving in with us. We love her and she loves us, and since my father died she's been floundering. This is the best solution for all involved. DH is enthusiastic. Kids are over the moon.

However. (You knew it was coming, right?) My mother eats like a picky four year old. She has been updating me on the details of the menu changes at Olive Garden and Red Lobster for the last few months. She ONLY likes chain restaurants. She only likes one or two things at each place. She is currently very stressed out that she thinks the changes on the Red Lobster menu mean they no longer have the scallop dish she likes. When I told her I'm happy to make scallops for her here at home she said, "No, it won't be the same. You won't do it right."

I feel very lucky to not have kids who are picky eaters. Each has their one or two things they hate of course, but in general, will eat a wide variety of food, and are enthusiastic about trying new things. When my oldest was a toddler, I was prepared for him to become a picky eater and read the Ellyn Satter books and such, had a game plan in mind for dealing with it. But it never happened.

Do I treat my mother like a picky toddler? Make sure there's one thing on the table for each meal that she'll enjoy? I can't ONLY make the meals she likes, because then we'd eat the same four dinners all the time. Literally. How do I handle food in relation to my mom? She'll have her own bedroom and bathroom, but will be using our kitchen and eating meals with us the majority of the time.