Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 07:22     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should post this on the SN forum. There are a lot of agencies (public and private) that can help[b] but he should already be receiving services, money, etc even if she is caring for him at home. Are the disabilities mental or physical or both? Hasn't she made plans for this day? Are they local and if so which state?


People always think this. Get real.


I am that pp and also the mother of a 5yr old with SN and I have already begun preparing for the day when I am not around for my DC. Something is wrong if the the aunt has not planned for this day. There are social service orgs, group homes, Social Security payments, possibly family trust arrangements... Your aunt failed her kid if she did not plan for this.


So, if the aunt has no assets and no resources to plan with she "failed" her kid. Great reasoning. And please feel free to post a list of all the group homes with openings and all the great social service organizations you are relying on to take on your kid full-time. I would love to know which ones are currently accepting severely disabled adults with no resources.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 07:20     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:You should post this on the SN forum. There are a lot of agencies (public and private) that can help but he should already be receiving services, money, etc even if she is caring for him at home. Are the disabilities mental or physical or both? Hasn't she made plans for this day? Are they local and if so which state?


There are very few agencies and the wait lists are decades long for assisted living arrangements. I second the PP how suggested contacting the Council on Aging. You should also contact child welfare and get your cousin and his mother a social worker. If they already have one, contact zher. Many parents assume that they will outlive their child and have enough trouble just getting through the now.



Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 02:23     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:Op, do you live near your aunt and your cousin? Are there any other relatives nearby? Does your aunt have assets? I understand that your aunt is in denial but she is 80 and she needs to prepare for her son's future and needs to talk to an attorney specializing in special needs trusts and the rest of the family members need to be involved to know what the plan is. Good luck -- it's a tough situation. Mom of special needs son who doesn't want to burden my dd.


The sibling will need to assume responsibility for the same oversight you are providing now.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2014 21:59     Subject: aunt in denial
Does he receive any services from the Developmental Disabilities Administration. Do they live in MD. A situation with an 80 year old caregiver would be a high priority crisis resolution situation. Start with local aging and disability services office within county health and human services dept.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2014 21:40     Subject: aunt in denial
If your aunt can't afford to hire help, you and the rest of the family will have to pitch in. There is no secret network of free disabled adult help.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2014 21:27     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Op, do you live near your aunt and your cousin? Are there any other relatives nearby? Does your aunt have assets? I understand that your aunt is in denial but she is 80 and she needs to prepare for her son's future and needs to talk to an attorney specializing in special needs trusts and the rest of the family members need to be involved to know what the plan is. Good luck -- it's a tough situation. Mom of special needs son who doesn't want to burden my dd.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2014 20:01     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should post this on the SN forum. There are a lot of agencies (public and private) that can help[b] but he should already be receiving services, money, etc even if she is caring for him at home. Are the disabilities mental or physical or both? Hasn't she made plans for this day? Are they local and if so which state?


People always think this. Get real.


I am that pp and also the mother of a 5yr old with SN and I have already begun preparing for the day when I am not around for my DC. Something is wrong if the the aunt has not planned for this day. There are social service orgs, group homes, Social Security payments, possibly family trust arrangements... Your aunt failed her kid if she did not plan for this.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 20:31     Subject: aunt in denial
Can I also add that your "aunt's son" is your cousin. Get to know him. He's actually a person too.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 20:29     Subject: aunt in denial
I could be wrong, but my impression was that OP does want to step up and help but is concerned that her aunt will not accept help. OP, is that the situation?
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 19:58     Subject: aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:Special needs mom here. I am confused by this post.

You say your aunt is in "denial" and will not "concede" she needs extra help. Aren't you in denial? Who do you think is in line to care for your elderly aunt's disabled son? Which trust funds are doling out cash and social service agencies are ready to visit daily and are going to step up to bear this immense physical, financial, and psychological load? Where are the trustworthy caretakers ready to care for her child 24/7?

I have to laugh at this post. It's unreal. Do you realize your aunt is probably physically wrecked and scared shitless about not being able to care for her disabled child, and has been for years?

And for the PP who says "hasn't she made plans"? Are you kidding me? Do you think family members are falling over themselves to take on this burden? Do you think our fabulous state and federal government is doling out social service money for the non-working disabled? Get real.

As for you OP, since you care so much (ha ha), why aren't you HELPING OUT?

And for those of you who will inevitably post about how angry I sound. YOU BET I'M ANGRY.


+1000
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 19:41     Subject: aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:Special needs mom here. I am confused by this post.

You say your aunt is in "denial" and will not "concede" she needs extra help. Aren't you in denial? Who do you think is in line to care for your elderly aunt's disabled son? Which trust funds are doling out cash and social service agencies are ready to visit daily and are going to step up to bear this immense physical, financial, and psychological load? Where are the trustworthy caretakers ready to care for her child 24/7?

I have to laugh at this post. It's unreal. Do you realize your aunt is probably physically wrecked and scared shitless about not being able to care for her disabled child, and has been for years?

And for the PP who says "hasn't she made plans"? Are you kidding me? Do you think family members are falling over themselves to take on this burden? Do you think our fabulous state and federal government is doling out social service money for the non-working disabled? Get real.

As for you OP, since you care so much (ha ha), why aren't you HELPING OUT?

And for those of you who will inevitably post about how angry I sound. YOU BET I'M ANGRY.


+1. All of you "concerned relatives" who have gone on with your busy typical lives all these years think you're helping by asking "what's the plan" make me sick. Step up or shut up.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 05:51     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
Anonymous wrote:You should post this on the SN forum. There are a lot of agencies (public and private) that can help[b] but he should already be receiving services, money, etc even if she is caring for him at home. Are the disabilities mental or physical or both? Hasn't she made plans for this day? Are they local and if so which state?


People always think this. Get real.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2014 05:49     Subject: aunt in denial
Special needs mom here. I am confused by this post.

You say your aunt is in "denial" and will not "concede" she needs extra help. Aren't you in denial? Who do you think is in line to care for your elderly aunt's disabled son? Which trust funds are doling out cash and social service agencies are ready to visit daily and are going to step up to bear this immense physical, financial, and psychological load? Where are the trustworthy caretakers ready to care for her child 24/7?

I have to laugh at this post. It's unreal. Do you realize your aunt is probably physically wrecked and scared shitless about not being able to care for her disabled child, and has been for years?

And for the PP who says "hasn't she made plans"? Are you kidding me? Do you think family members are falling over themselves to take on this burden? Do you think our fabulous state and federal government is doling out social service money for the non-working disabled? Get real.

As for you OP, since you care so much (ha ha), why aren't you HELPING OUT?

And for those of you who will inevitably post about how angry I sound. YOU BET I'M ANGRY.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2014 21:54     Subject: Re:aunt in denial
You should post this on the SN forum. There are a lot of agencies (public and private) that can help but he should already be receiving services, money, etc even if she is caring for him at home. Are the disabilities mental or physical or both? Hasn't she made plans for this day? Are they local and if so which state?
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2014 21:07     Subject: aunt in denial
My aunt is much older and, late in life, had a severely disabled son. She cared for him lovingly at home for many, many years but now is nearing eighty and can no longer realistically navigate his wheelchair and deal with his medications in the way she did when she was younger. Does anyone know how someone who's not an immediate family member can step in and address the situation? No way my aunt will concede her son needs extra help.