Anonymous
11/03/2014 10:46
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Hire a concierge service to go grocery shopping. That have specialty ones for the elderly too. Hire a nurse practitioner to come in for a few hours a day.
Anonymous
11/03/2014 10:42
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:Op again.
I may have no power in the situation, but I refuse to be painted as an evil curmudgeon who doesn't want to help out when I was the one who was willing to foot the bill BECAUSE of the mere fact that I am not available.
Cousin says that I am trying to pawn off our aunt onto someone else. Honestly, I am. I cannot keep going to VA to go grocery shopping (cousin and aunt don't want to sign up for delivery), run around town paying bills for aunt, fixing problems in the house (leaking pipe etc), waiting with aunt at house for service repairs, driving aunt around town to get to appointment.
Basically my cousin thinks that family does not outsource eldercare.
I don't understand -- why can't the cousin take care of the aunt? Especially with your $3K a month, which is more than generous??
Anonymous
11/03/2014 10:40
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Op again.
I may have no power in the situation, but I refuse to be painted as an evil curmudgeon who doesn't want to help out when I was the one who was willing to foot the bill BECAUSE of the mere fact that I am not available.
Cousin says that I am trying to pawn off our aunt onto someone else. Honestly, I am. I cannot keep going to VA to go grocery shopping (cousin and aunt don't want to sign up for delivery), run around town paying bills for aunt, fixing problems in the house (leaking pipe etc), waiting with aunt at house for service repairs, driving aunt around town to get to appointment.
Basically my cousin thinks that family does not outsource eldercare.
I may have no power in the situation, but I refuse to be painted as an evil curmudgeon who doesn't want to help out when I was the one who was willing to foot the bill BECAUSE of the mere fact that I am not available.
Cousin says that I am trying to pawn off our aunt onto someone else. Honestly, I am. I cannot keep going to VA to go grocery shopping (cousin and aunt don't want to sign up for delivery), run around town paying bills for aunt, fixing problems in the house (leaking pipe etc), waiting with aunt at house for service repairs, driving aunt around town to get to appointment.
Basically my cousin thinks that family does not outsource eldercare.
Anonymous
11/03/2014 10:34
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
There is a reason they are unprepared for this - their thought process, and choices they make.
Vent here if you want. You have no power - meaning if aunt has not been declared incompetent then she is in charge of her decision (she has to sigh the papers to move-in anywhere) Aside from aunt, her daughter is next of kin. Really you have NO power here.
Vent here if you want. You have no power - meaning if aunt has not been declared incompetent then she is in charge of her decision (she has to sigh the papers to move-in anywhere) Aside from aunt, her daughter is next of kin. Really you have NO power here.
Anonymous
11/03/2014 10:29
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Op here.
Cousin is not my aunt's child. Her kids are not in any position to care about her well being. My aunt wants to live at her own home because she feels capable. She isn't. She actually needs a lot of help and I'm getting tired of having to manage 2 households. I volunteered to pay $3000 a month in living expenses for the assisted living place. Cousin feels that family takes care of family. Cousin has even suggested that I move her into my home.
I care about my aunt, but I am getting tired of this.
Cousin is not my aunt's child. Her kids are not in any position to care about her well being. My aunt wants to live at her own home because she feels capable. She isn't. She actually needs a lot of help and I'm getting tired of having to manage 2 households. I volunteered to pay $3000 a month in living expenses for the assisted living place. Cousin feels that family takes care of family. Cousin has even suggested that I move her into my home.
I care about my aunt, but I am getting tired of this.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 21:02
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:Is cousin the aunt's child, or another niece/nephew?
+1000. If you're helping Cousin with his/her own parent, you've already gone WAY above and beyond what most people do.
You aunt must be a very special person and you're so kind to help look after her in whatever way you can. Where is Aunt now and do you have any medical/social services personnel involved? Perhaps one of them could help guide the discussion and come up with a plan that keeps Aunt safe and happy. You might even be able to move her to a facility that splits the difference between Rockville & Baltimore so you can both tend to her more easily.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:18
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Is cousin the aunt's child, or another niece/nephew?
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:17
Subject: Re:Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Couple options.
1. Aunt moves in with you or your cousin
2. Aunt gets in-home assistance. Number of hours per week/day would be dependent on your Aunt's needs.
3. Aunt goes into an assisted living home.
4. Inform social services and let them decide her fate.
Lastly, If you Aunt has not assets then the State would cover the cost of assisted living. Either in her own home or at an assisted living complex.
1. Aunt moves in with you or your cousin
2. Aunt gets in-home assistance. Number of hours per week/day would be dependent on your Aunt's needs.
3. Aunt goes into an assisted living home.
4. Inform social services and let them decide her fate.
Lastly, If you Aunt has not assets then the State would cover the cost of assisted living. Either in her own home or at an assisted living complex.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:16
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:What does the aunt say?
This. What does your aunt want?
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:15
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
20: 13 The key to your post is your mother hired the woman. It sounds like OP's aunt needs her son and OP to help figure this out.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:13
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
cousin needs to figure this out on his/her own or take you up on the assisted living. you need to step aside.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:13
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Does she have funds?
How old is she?
Is she aware, does she have an opinion?
Is your cousin trying to have her live on her own, with some care?
She may be happier in an assisted living facility. There is company and there are activities. It's expensive, of course.
How old is she?
Is she aware, does she have an opinion?
Is your cousin trying to have her live on her own, with some care?
She may be happier in an assisted living facility. There is company and there are activities. It's expensive, of course.
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:13
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Paying half is already quite generous of you. Can the cousin not afford the other half?
My mother hired a trusted housecleaner who had worked with our family for many years to come into my grandmother's apartment every single day, make her meals and help her with bathing.
Perhaps you could come to a similar arrangement, maybe with a nurse visit as well for the medical supervision?
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:11
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
What does the aunt say?
Anonymous
11/02/2014 20:09
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
I suggested assisted living 5 months ago when our aunt fell ill. Aunt lives in Fairfax, cousin is in Rockville and I'm in Baltimore. I really don't have time to keep going to Fairfax at random times and for issues that require immediate attention. I'm not trying to be selfish, but cousin wants me to do a lot of the heavy lifting with this. I volunteered to pay 1/2 for the assisted living so that we could ensure that our aunt was cared for. Advice?