Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

She seems socially awkward and annoying but she isn't doing anything to you. She isn't spreading gossip about, stealing from you, trying to pit family members against you, a lot of what you mentioned isn't even comments directed to you.....Just let it go.

a family get together

You don't have to be noticeably absent. It's not all or nothing. If it's a sit down dinner, don't sit next to her. If it's a visit where you can mingle, excuse yourself and find other company. You and your husband may want to take separate cars so you have some control about when you leave.

I have relatives like this. For one thing I never go on a sailboat with them - there is no escape. Always have an escape.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the crazy one though, because basically everyone in the family finds her funny, amusing, hilarious etc. When she says these things, they are all, "Oh, Mary!"

Meanwhile I'm looking around to see if anyone else sees the crazy that I do.

You are better than me. I can see myself turning to her and
saying "You know you sound crazy don't you?"
I do with my family and in-laws. Heck, if you are bold enough to say crazy s***, then you are big and bad enough to be called out on it.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bit of insecurity, narcissism, maybe even Aspergerish lack of social awareness ... in short, a real bundle of crap to deal with.

Sorry ...

I agree with all of these. She's actually getting worse as she gets older, which is interesting.

You should have seen her at my engagement party. She spent most of the party sitting alone in another room. Every time someone asked me to retell the proposal or to see the ring, she would roll her eyes and storm off in a huff. It was shocking and disturbing.

Sounds like a bit of insecurity, narcissism, maybe even Aspergerish lack of social awareness ... in short, a real bundle of crap to deal with.

Sorry ...

Anonymous wrote:Oh, come on. For those of us who live in the real world and don't like to alienate people, sometimes we do spend time with people we don't like just to get along. My FIL comes to mind. That's what rants on anonymous forums are for!

Feel you, OP. She sounds young or at least grasping to stay young. Can you complain/laugh about her to DH? It reduces my annoyance with FIL immeasurably to rehash everything with DH later because we get so many laughs and running jokes out of it. Fortunately, he's good humored about the whole thing (I have to remind myself sometimes not to take it too far though). Also, I find toddler treatment can work well in pretty much all areas of life, including this one. She says something dumb or eyeroll-worthy? No response from you, no attention given. She says something actually interesting? Big response, praise if possible, attention galore. I do this with my annoying cousin sometimes. Totally works.

All this to the extent you were looking for advice. If not, I love a good rant, so rant away!

She is 32. I can very occasionally mention it to DH, but he is sensitive to my (or anyone) ragging on and complaining about his family members. If the situation were reversed, I could imagine doing the same...being defensive of my family, even when I know they have faults.

I do find myself just not acknowledging a lot of what she says. Like when she pointed out Mike's apartment, I said nothing. Still though, she's exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, come on. For those of us who live in the real world and don't like to alienate people, sometimes we do spend time with people we don't like just to get along. My FIL comes to mind. That's what rants on anonymous forums are for!

Feel you, OP. She sounds young or at least grasping to stay young. Can you complain/laugh about her to DH? It reduces my annoyance with FIL immeasurably to rehash everything with DH later because we get so many laughs and running jokes out of it. Fortunately, he's good humored about the whole thing (I have to remind myself sometimes not to take it too far though). Also, I find toddler treatment can work well in pretty much all areas of life, including this one. She says something dumb or eyeroll-worthy? No response from you, no attention given. She says something actually interesting? Big response, praise if possible, attention galore. I do this with my annoying cousin sometimes. Totally works.

All this to the extent you were looking for advice. If not, I love a good rant, so rant away!

+1

Anonymous wrote:

I had to spend the entire weekend with her

This is the most important sentence in your post.
Why - -what do you mean you "had" to spend the entire weekend with her?
Don't have her as an overnight guest in your house. When you visit family, stay in a hotel.
You decide how much time to spend with her. Your husband can spend more -
it's his sister - if he wants.

You are in control of your own exposure to people you don't like.

Increasingly, I will opt out of about half of the times DH spends with her. But marriage involves compromise. For one, she is local. And when there is a family get together, I believe it can cause more harm to be noticeably absent.

Also, I'm pretty sure I couldn't tell my husband that she's not welcome to stay overnight in our home.

Oh, come on. For those of us who live in the real world and don't like to alienate people, sometimes we do spend time with people we don't like just to get along. My FIL comes to mind. That's what rants on anonymous forums are for!

Feel you, OP. She sounds young or at least grasping to stay young. Can you complain/laugh about her to DH? It reduces my annoyance with FIL immeasurably to rehash everything with DH later because we get so many laughs and running jokes out of it. Fortunately, he's good humored about the whole thing (I have to remind myself sometimes not to take it too far though). Also, I find toddler treatment can work well in pretty much all areas of life, including this one. She says something dumb or eyeroll-worthy? No response from you, no attention given. She says something actually interesting? Big response, praise if possible, attention galore. I do this with my annoying cousin sometimes. Totally works.

All this to the extent you were looking for advice. If not, I love a good rant, so rant away!

Anonymous wrote:

I had to spend the entire weekend with her

This is the most important sentence in your post.
Why - -what do you mean you "had" to spend the entire weekend with her?
Don't have her as an overnight guest in your house. When you visit family, stay in a hotel.
You decide how much time to spend with her. Your husband can spend more -
it's his sister - if he wants.

You are in control of your own exposure to people you don't like.

This. I see my ILs once or twice a year. My husband can see them more if he wants. You are not obligated to spend time with people you don't like. Don't be a martyr.

I had to spend the entire weekend with her

This is the most important sentence in your post.
Why - -what do you mean you "had" to spend the entire weekend with her?
Don't have her as an overnight guest in your house. When you visit family, stay in a hotel.
You decide how much time to spend with her. Your husband can spend more -
it's his sister - if he wants.

You are in control of your own exposure to people you don't like.

She sounds very very insecure. And very annoying.


Feel free to rant here. Try not to get angry at her unless she actually does something that hurts you. She's probably got lots of issues, including a personality disorder.

I truly truly cannot stand being around her, but I don't want to come off as rude when I have to be around her. I find myself having to affix a permanent smile on my face just so I don't roll my eyes at everything she says. Maybe I should feel sorry for her because she's probably very insecure. I just really need to rant. Some recent examples:

-Told her and a group of friends about the recent international trip that DH and I took. Her response: "I haven't been able to leave the country in 10 years, so I can't relate to this conversation. Next topic."
-Listening to a mutual friend talk about the new relationship she is in. Her response: "If you are talking about a new boyfriend, I don't want to hear it." And then she actually walked away from us.
-Her younger sister recently met a guy and it's serious. Her response: "It's unfair. We were supposed to be single together."
-She often refers to herself by talking in third person. "Mary is tired. Mary is sleepy."
-At a sports bar this weekend, I watched her go into the middle of the room and do cheerleading moves....like clapping her hands and leg kicks.
-I was talking to a professional colleague with whom she has no personal or professional relationship. She happened to be at the same venue. She walked over mid conversation and said, "Hey! I'd like to join the ladies who lunch group!" It was embarrassing.
-Every time we are in a car together, she points out apartments of guys with whom she has hooked up. Driving down H St..."Hey that's Mike's Apt." Driving down M St..."That's where Harry lives."
-She talks about people having marriage problems and her opinions on whether they will make it. She is not married.
-She talks about people's readiness for children. Heard her the other day speculate on whether her friend can handle a second child. She is childless.

I'm sorry if this all sounds petty, but I had to spend the entire weekend with her and I just really needed to rant.
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