Anonymous wrote:I wrote my father's living will about 3 days before he lost "sound mind and body" status. His illness and death was very sudden, even at 62, and we hadn't really worried about it. I was very glad to have it when my step mom tried to tell them to do everything and I told them to do nothing. Having power of attorney and a living will gave my dad the dignity to die in peace. I'll be completing mine soon as well.

How is your relationship with your mom now?

Thanks, OP. I'm so grateful that both my parents had living wills. Both were very clear about their wishes for end of life care and documented their directives with a lawyer. Their living wills were a gift to our family - my siblings and me - and confirmed their legacy of deep caring and love for their children. Amid the sorrow of their respective illnesses, it was such a blessing not to have to second guess how they wanted to receive treatment in their final days.

I wrote my father's living will about 3 days before he lost "sound mind and body" status. His illness and death was very sudden, even at 62, and we hadn't really worried about it. I was very glad to have it when my step mom tried to tell them to do everything and I told them to do nothing. Having power of attorney and a living will gave my dad the dignity to die in peace. I'll be completing mine soon as well.

Ultimately you can't decide everything in advance, some decisions depend entirely on the context. Thats why you assign decision making to someone you love and trust in your living will. I have children who aren't adults so I would want everything done. However when my mother was dying we made it clear to everyone that she wasn't going to die with a tube down her throat.

Doctors and nurses have to be careful. When my mother was initially hospitalized I felt a lot of pressure to create a DNR order for her and I resisted. Eventually a doctor explained to me that when you revive someone with CPR they often have significant brain damage from blood loss to the brain. Think Joan Rivers. Once I understood that I entered the DNR but I really, really resented the pressure.

Anonymous wrote:The large majority of people on this board are young with young children. My husband had almost everything you listed above at age 34, plus a blood clot in his carotid from the central line (with meant 6+ months of Coumadin), and 3+ years of therapy to get him back to himself. He wanted every effort to keep him here with his kids and his family, and I know he'd do it again if he had to. I would do the same.

Every effort to keep him here -- even if 'here' means a nursing home bed, a feeding tube, no brain function and bankruptcy?

I think you're not thinking this all the way through.

And I think it's unfair to make your family members make that decision since you had years to do it yourself and put it in writing.

Anonymous wrote:People and their families make their own end of life decisions.
Stay out of it.

Exactly, dipshit. OP is advising that you make those decisions known so medical personnel can abide by them.

Anonymous wrote:My point is that you should make your decisions known. Also you should actually think about the limits of medical care. Severe illness in an elderly patient often causes delirium. A significant portion of those patients never regain mental function. Head injuries and stroke cause more. Medical shows make it look like we cure everyone easily. It doesn't happen.

Not only known, but make it legal. On paper. With a lawyer.

Like PP, I've seen some families drag out end of life care and degree of intervention long past what the pt. wants. I've seen it rip families apart when one member is trying to stand up for what the pt. actually WANTS, but the rest of the family disagrees with it. Unless you have something legal in writing, it is very hard for your care team to determine what your true wishes were.

Same goes for making your wishes on organ donation known. Don't trust what you TELL people. During end of life, especially if due to unexpected illness or traumatic event, emotions are heightened and the people you thought knew your wishes won't always carry them out. Often, because they're holding out for a miracle or can't say goodbye themselves. It's pretty terrible.

The large majority of people on this board are young with young children. My husband had almost everything you listed above at age 34, plus a blood clot in his carotid from the central line (with meant 6+ months of Coumadin), and 3+ years of therapy to get him back to himself. He wanted every effort to keep him here with his kids and his family, and I know he'd do it again if he had to. I would do the same.

Do you know what the end of life looks like when you tell the docs to "do everything?"

Sedation. CPR. If you don't crack ribs when you do CPR you probably aren't doing it hard enough, because old people have brittle bones. A tube in your throat to a ventilator. Another one keeping your stomach empty. One down your nose feeding you. A central line maybe in your neck. Another art line in your wrist. Restraints.

The IOM publishes reports on this, and people blame the docs. It isn't the medical people pushing this....

My point is that you should make your decisions known. Also you should actually think about the limits of medical care. Severe illness in an elderly patient often causes delirium. A significant portion of those patients never regain mental function. Head injuries and stroke cause more. Medical shows make it look like we cure everyone easily. It doesn't happen.

That's exactly what OP is advising. Make your end of life decisions - and make them KNOWN.

You can choose to direct health workers to resuscitate you no matter how sick/demented you are. But if you DON'T want that, and you never write that down, it will happen regardless of what anyone else tells the EMTs.

Anonymous wrote:People and their families make their own end of life decisions.
Stay out of it.

I think OP is just saying that if you have opinions on how you want the end of your life to look, get them in writing. No matter what those opinions are. My mom had hers hanging on the refrigerator with a magnet.

People and their families make their own end of life decisions.
Stay out of it.

We just finished an absolutely futile code---pt had cancer.


Please people.....address your advance directives now, before you need them. CPR doesn't work the way it does on television and there's little to no point in forcing an elderly person to live with dementia.