Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:54     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!


Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.


God...some of you are so uptight. You are one of those DIL. It's fairly normal for a parent of an adult, married child to hope for and inquire about grandchildren. Yes, it is for the couple to decide when to discuss or give news, but you make it sound like she's a paparazzi. The former PP's statement is pretty clear and a heck of a lot more polite. This is the way to be nice to your in-laws instead of alienating them.

I used a similar phrase, "We'll be sure to tell you when there's any news to share." We still controlled when we announced, but both of our curious mothers got the hint and waited until we told them and stopped hinting/asking after we said the above (and we didn't have children for many years after we got married).


Disagree. It's bad form and none of their business.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:52     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!


Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.


God...some of you are so uptight. You are one of those DIL. It's fairly normal for a parent of an adult, married child to hope for and inquire about grandchildren. Yes, it is for the couple to decide when to discuss or give news, but you make it sound like she's a paparazzi. The former PP's statement is pretty clear and a heck of a lot more polite. This is the way to be nice to your in-laws instead of alienating them.

I used a similar phrase, "We'll be sure to tell you when there's any news to share." We still controlled when we announced, but both of our curious mothers got the hint and waited until we told them and stopped hinting/asking after we said the above (and we didn't have children for many years after we got married).


OP here. This approach might work for some, but my MIL has no concept of boundaries. To hear, hearing the word "No" means "I can keep asking until someone changes his mind." Hearing the words "We'll let you know when there is news" means "I'm going to keep asking until there is news."

She is not versed in the art of context clues or subtlety.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:44     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
"We have sex 3x a day in the following positions: missionary, doggystyle, standing up, and me riding your son like Annie Oakley, but so far no luck."
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:41     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!


Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.


God...some of you are so uptight. You are one of those DIL. It's fairly normal for a parent of an adult, married child to hope for and inquire about grandchildren. Yes, it is for the couple to decide when to discuss or give news, but you make it sound like she's a paparazzi. The former PP's statement is pretty clear and a heck of a lot more polite. This is the way to be nice to your in-laws instead of alienating them.

I used a similar phrase, "We'll be sure to tell you when there's any news to share." We still controlled when we announced, but both of our curious mothers got the hint and waited until we told them and stopped hinting/asking after we said the above (and we didn't have children for many years after we got married).
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:37     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
PP 12:36 again. I also said, "Jeezy peezys, can we let the ink dry on the marriage certificate first?! Hahahah. " They got the hint.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:37     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Baby birthstone gift...that's really something, OP. GL with her.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:36     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:What worked with my MIL: "That's an interesting question," delivered with a warm smile and no additional information. She was too flabbergasted by her own prying that she never asked again.

I will say, however, that when we started facing IF, I was very open with my MIL and my mom about it. Frankly, I needed the support. But I always prefaced the information by saying, "I want to share this process with you, but please understand that it is very difficult and very painful for both DH and I, so please don't ask about how things are going. When we have news or need support, we will absolutely let you know."


Yes, but YOU chose to share with them..on your own terms.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:36     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
I said, "All in God's perfect timing."
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:35     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
What worked with my MIL: "That's an interesting question," delivered with a warm smile and no additional information. She was too flabbergasted by her own prying that she never asked again.

I will say, however, that when we started facing IF, I was very open with my MIL and my mom about it. Frankly, I needed the support. But I always prefaced the information by saying, "I want to share this process with you, but please understand that it is very difficult and very painful for both DH and I, so please don't ask about how things are going. When we have news or need support, we will absolutely let you know."
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:33     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
I started responding by just bursting into tears. Really shuts down the conversation fast.

At any rate I'd just state firmly but politely, "I'd really prefer to not have that conversation right now. Thanks!" And immediately move on to some other topic.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:32     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!


Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:30     Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:29     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
"I prefer to keep my sex life with insert-DH-name-here private." This is a good way to remind them how babies get here and that MIL probably doesn't really want explicit details.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:27     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
State is once very directly.

If she comments again, remind her and ask that she not mention it again.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2014 12:25     Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
MIL has not outright asked me, but has mentioned it in roundabout ways. Example: She got me jewelry for Christmas, and said that she hoped to get a complementary baby birthstone for next year's birthday.

I also suspect that she is asking her friends to ask me and report back to her. Her best friend, with whom I do not have a relationship, pulled me aside in MIL's home and asked if we were trying yet.

How to handle?

Thanks!