It sounds like you need to change things up, both on the day-to-day level and in a bigger way. Can you swing a weekend away this winter? Make that a goal and you will have something to look forward to. Hang in there, soon they will be 2 and every day life will be a tiny bit easier.

YES!! We are older and have twins. The month starts, then its the next month (seems more like a week). Then repeat.

Hire a sitter and have "date" nights. Hire some help for your DW on the days that you go swimming.

OP, what is it that you want? I'm asking this in a serious manner. If there are things you want to do, do them and bring the kids and your wife. Part of being a parent is your kids getting to know you and know what interests you. I also wonder if there are other issues going on with you. I can't understand why a stay at home mom needs a baby-sitter for "crunch time". I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving your wife home with three kids, I *would* feel guilty for leaving her at home while you go enjoy yourself. She married you to have a companion and to spend time with you. Why not reallocate the weekday sitter to a weekend sitter and use that time so you and your wife can do something together? Note that any volunteer activity will want more then you can give, but that may be a lesson you need to learn on by experience. The most bennifitial thing you can do is be a good husband and father. That means giving your family the opportunity to get to know you as a person, not just a worker bee and provider.

Can totally relate to being a hamster on wheel.

OP, what helped me was doing scheduled activities for myself. I took art classes, photography classes. I did better with having things that were scheduled because it cut out the guilt and the decision making when it was time to be somewhere.

It does get so much better when the kids are older. My kids are now 9 and 12 and they are so much fun to be with so that's not the most laborious part of the day anymore- not like when they were toddlers. There are still the things that get in the way of life though- the housework, the dishes, etc. but your perspective does change. The kids don't really need me so much as I just now prefer to hang out with them than to escape to an art class. I've only got a little bit more time with my 12 year old before she decides she'd rather be hanging out with her friends than being at home.

I wish someone would have warned me sooner life can feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel.

Yes OP. Your post sounds exactly typical for a parent of several small kids, let alone multiples.

I'd really encourage you and your wife to find one thing you each get to do that is personally restorative. Maybe it's swimming for you, maybe it's one night out a month with friends, maybe it's a class, etc... But carve out something that is just for you. Then carve out one night a month that is your date night (or equivalent). Throw money at that. Structure things so it's manageable for the other spouse. But prioritize that kind of time for each other and it will pay huge dividends.

It sounds like you have a good handle on the "throw money" solutions (which I TOTALLY support) so you're probably pretty close to working this out also.

It will get easier as your kids get older, but you'll probably also go through a tough patch when the twins are 2-4 years old and highly mobile, emotional, and irrational. (That's where ours are now.) So get your protected time set up now and it will be easier to maintain.

Hang in there!

OP, find an activity you and your wife can do together. This would make her very happy to spend quality, kid less time with you while finding joy in something new. Take a spin class together, when it gets warm take some stand up paddle boarding lessons, take tennis lessons, something, anything to refocus and find a little joy.

I am a fitness instructor who formerly had crushing lower back pain. Please, please get and stay active. Your core/abs are probably weak. Things like Pilates and yoga can help you with this. You owe it to yourself and your family to regain your health.

Sounds like you have a nice life, now get out there and enjoy it!

Anonymous wrote:Yup. I feel like that every day.

Take an cold hard look at your life and figure out what you can cut to give each of you a 2-hour block of breathing room each week. Back pain is serious and in the long run it is much, much better that you address it before it gets worse. Hire a super fun babysitter for a few hours at a time. This is nothing to feel bad about, the kids will have a great time. This is a problem you can and should throw money at.

OP here. I think you hit the nail on the head. That's one of my own sayings in fact, I need to apply it here. Its actually worked well in other areas: peapod groceries, lawn care, a house cleaner, etc. We even have a morning babysitter for crunch time.

We need to expand that some and get out more.

Yup. I feel like that every day.

Take an cold hard look at your life and figure out what you can cut to give each of you a 2-hour block of breathing room each week. Back pain is serious and in the long run it is much, much better that you address it before it gets worse. Hire a super fun babysitter for a few hours at a time. This is nothing to feel bad about, the kids will have a great time. This is a problem you can and should throw money at.

Yes, I feel like this, too, but at the same time you MUST find a way to carve out some time for yourself. Your happiness is also important, and you need to find a way to nurture yourself. And your wife needs to do this, also. Can you each take turns watching the children for a couple of hours on the weekend, so you can get out and she can also get out? Or can you hire a babysitter once a week for the same reason? If your life isn't making you happy, then you can figure out a way to change it, even in an incremental way.

mid-life just around the corner...

Yes. It is so frustrating. There is always so much mundane crap (homework, I'm looking at you!) to do that I feel like we never get to the fun. I just want to have fun with my family and fun with my spouse.

Unfortunately, I think this is what life with children is like. Unless you have tons of money and want a nanny to raise your kids.

YES

Dad of 3 writing this. Single-income family, for now. I feel these days like my life has become a blur, every day is a cookie-cutter routine, and I really have no ability to focus on anything on a regular basis that is not (a) my family or (b) my job.

I have a great job, and a flexible schedule, and earn enough so DW need not work right now (mind you I'm not wearing a monocle and lighting cigars with $100 bills though), and a great home I spent over 10 years building just the way we wanted. And now I'm 36 and feeling stressed about I-dont-know-what. I'll have some indigestion and then be convinced I'm dying.

I have (not horrible) low back pain, and know that swimming will help me feel better but can't carve an hour out every other day because I feel guilty leaving my wife with 3 kids (although, honestly, the 2 youngest ones are twins about 1YO that kind of entertain themselves pretty well). It seems like there is always something interestng or beneficial going on somewhere but things are impossible to do, everything takes time away from something else. I'm not one of these people who goes about spouting "i'm so busy," because I really don't do anything, and yet we have no ability to carve out time for other things.

Anyone else ever feel like this?