Anonymous wrote:Visited my kid for parents' weekend. He's 18 but clearly not worried about drinking age anymore. The college culture with its beer posters and frat parties has always celebrated alcohol but I was a little surprised by how open it is. This seemed universal. Every dorm room I saw, every party I attended was focused on alcohol. I'm not sure there is anything we can do as parents - he is hundreds of miles away.

I'm not faulting you, OP, because I have heard this from other parents with older kids, but I don't get why parents are at kids' parties on during parent's weekend. Granted, I'm a dinosaur, but when I was in college, we hung out in the dorm, went to dinner with our parents, etc., but if there was a party going on I would have been laughed out of the room if I brought my parents. What gives? Is this more about our generation being "friends" with their kids? Seems kind of inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be glad he and his underage friends aren't being arrested for drinking - even responsibly. I've heard of colleges where arrests are made - kids in a group walking home from a party -not driving. Underage and arrested.

And I would much rather have a university encourage students to be good samaritans -helping out fellow students if they are in trouble w/alcohol - rather than "guilt by association" policies. These make the student sneak around, and run and hide.

I went to a state school that was 'by the book/throw the book' at kids but my sisters went to SLAC's and the attitude their schools was to try to keep issues as internally as possible so it doesn't ruin a kid with a record.

the latter is much more effective.

Now in terms of sexual assaults, I can see where this is a huge issue (i.e. handling things internally), but drinking and casual rec. drug use I feel is different.

Except these 2 things go hand in hand.

walking around campus smoking a joint isn't leading to getting rapey.

alcohol is different, but having outside authorities hammer down on underage drinking doesn't solve anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be glad he and his underage friends aren't being arrested for drinking - even responsibly. I've heard of colleges where arrests are made - kids in a group walking home from a party -not driving. Underage and arrested.

And I would much rather have a university encourage students to be good samaritans -helping out fellow students if they are in trouble w/alcohol - rather than "guilt by association" policies. These make the student sneak around, and run and hide.

I went to a state school that was 'by the book/throw the book' at kids but my sisters went to SLAC's and the attitude their schools was to try to keep issues as internally as possible so it doesn't ruin a kid with a record.

the latter is much more effective.

Now in terms of sexual assaults, I can see where this is a huge issue (i.e. handling things internally), but drinking and casual rec. drug use I feel is different.

Except these 2 things go hand in hand.

Anonymous wrote:Why were you going to college parties with your son? That's super weird. Parents usually took us out for a nice dinner then we parted ways.

Agreed. When I went to college, there were sometimes a few parents at fraternity parties that weekend, but it always seemed weird to see them there.

Why were you going to college parties with your son? That's super weird. Parents usually took us out for a nice dinner then we parted ways.

Anonymous wrote:Visited my kid for parents' weekend. He's 18 but clearly not worried about drinking age anymore. The college culture with its beer posters and frat parties has always celebrated alcohol but I was a little surprised by how open it is. This seemed universal. Every dorm room I saw, every party I attended was focused on alcohol. I'm not sure there is anything we can do as parents - he is hundreds of miles away.

One more reason the drinking age should be 18. He's legally an adult in all other things - of course, even when only some students can legally drink, the others will too, since it has the allure of the forbidden.

Anonymous wrote:Be glad he and his underage friends aren't being arrested for drinking - even responsibly. I've heard of colleges where arrests are made - kids in a group walking home from a party -not driving. Underage and arrested.

And I would much rather have a university encourage students to be good samaritans -helping out fellow students if they are in trouble w/alcohol - rather than "guilt by association" policies. These make the student sneak around, and run and hide.

I went to a state school that was 'by the book/throw the book' at kids but my sisters went to SLAC's and the attitude their schools was to try to keep issues as internally as possible so it doesn't ruin a kid with a record.

the latter is much more effective.

Now in terms of sexual assaults, I can see where this is a huge issue (i.e. handling things internally), but drinking and casual rec. drug use I feel is different.

Sounds like he's at a party school. One of mine is in med school and the other is in college . When I cisted them, they wanted me to meet their friends, see how they decorated/organized their rooms, have me take them to Target and food/clothing shipping, and then expire the areas. We didn't go to parties. With my daughter I hung out with her and all her girlfriends and we ate a lot of junk food one night.

Talk to your son about his experience and drinking responsibly, but recognize that he is an adult and that college has always been focused on drinking (true when I was there, true when my parents were there...).

On the drinking responsibly front, many colleges have dorm/Greek sessions on responsible drinking, what to do when someone passes out, etc. Talk to your son about that if you want.

Too late, but I honestly think parents should only attend parent's weekend if they know what they are walking into and are okay with that.

Be glad he and his underage friends aren't being arrested for drinking - even responsibly. I've heard of colleges where arrests are made - kids in a group walking home from a party -not driving. Underage and arrested.

And I would much rather have a university encourage students to be good samaritans -helping out fellow students if they are in trouble w/alcohol - rather than "guilt by association" policies. These make the student sneak around, and run and hide.

Anonymous wrote:At most schools, 3/4 of the undergrads can not legally drink.

True - but this doesn't stop them.

Also, alcohol was a major factor around my college experience 25+ years ago and it sounds like not much has changed, but this was when there were still a few states with a 18 drinking age. I do wonder if the increase to the 21 drinking age has pushed kids to want to drink more once they reach college - the whole forbidden fruit concept - and we're seeing more binge drinking now than ever. I don't have anything to back this up other than anecdotal stories and maybe I'm off base - not sure we'll know.

OP - I think you're right that there's not much we can do other than make sure we talk to our kids about safety and responsibility. We won't stop them from drinking, but we can make sure they understand the need for safety. Also, my parents used to let us drink at home once we reached college age (even when the age increased to 21) so that we recognized that it's not a big deal. We have done this with my DD and she doesn't care for drinking much. Of course, she's no angel and will drink (she's honest with us because she knows we don't freak out if she's honest. Lying is a different story…), but the forbidden fruit aspect has gone out the window. She's recognizing that partying hard is not her thing. Of course there is partying at her school, but it's not considered a big party school as compared to some others.

At most schools, 3/4 of the undergrads can not legally drink.

Anonymous wrote:Visited my kid for parents' weekend. He's 18 but clearly not worried about drinking age anymore. The college culture with its beer posters and frat parties has always celebrated alcohol but I was a little surprised by how open it is. This seemed universal. Every dorm room I saw, every party I attended was focused on alcohol. I'm not sure there is anything we can do as parents - he is hundreds of miles away.

This is not unusual, but it is not universal either. Unless your DS is at a party school, my guess is that he is in the "party dorm." Most schools have one.

No. There's not much you can do. Remind him to drink responsibly, that's about it.

Visited my kid for parents' weekend. He's 18 but clearly not worried about drinking age anymore. The college culture with its beer posters and frat parties has always celebrated alcohol but I was a little surprised by how open it is. This seemed universal. Every dorm room I saw, every party I attended was focused on alcohol. I'm not sure there is anything we can do as parents - he is hundreds of miles away.