I almost didn't marry DH because of issues with his parents. I wasn't exactly what they imagined their DIL to be (they were expecting the daughter they never had) and I wasn't interested in that role. I was nice, polite and 'dutiful' but it grated that I didn't treat them as my own parents. Then, I started a grad program while keeping my demanding, FT job. I had very little free time and no time to do the 'family' things now-DH and I used to do. I had talked with them about grad school, how hard it was, how little time I had, etc. but they played it to now-DH that I didn't like them any more. Instead of saying 'WTF, she's working FT, in grad school and has no time - she told you that already', now-DH started pressuring me to do more with them, to call his mom to chat, to go out for dinner with them, etc. He was worried about disappointing his parents. There were also some other issues with his extended family that also caused problems and it got to the point I was planning on how to cancel our wedding venue and recoup as much of our deposit as I could. This is after living together for 2.5 years and we were in our mid-30s. We ended up getting married (18 years now) but it required a lot of counseling. DH continued to have issues with boundaries and his parents that didn't end until his parents died.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe MILs can't break up a marriage. Well, they can try, but it really depends on how much crap the abused spouse can take. I've met women with incredibly nasty MILs, who refused to even think about a divorce. I have also met women with annoying but tolerable MILs, who could not take the annoyance and tried to leave asap.

PP here: Details would be interesting, if you are willing.

Not my stories, so I can't share the details. All I can say is that at the end, no one got divorced (yet?), regardless of MILs' actions or declared intentions to divorce.

Out of curiosity, OP, why do you want to collect these stories?

Anonymous wrote:I believe MILs can't break up a marriage. Well, they can try, but it really depends on how much crap the abused spouse can take. I've met women with incredibly nasty MILs, who refused to even think about a divorce. I have also met women with annoying but tolerable MILs, who could not take the annoyance and tried to leave asap.

PP here: Details would be interesting, if you are willing.

Yep.
They started with malicious gossip about my family, refusal to even speak to my family at the wedding...moved on to me. Making up lies and causing others to disrespect me and my marriage. Husband could never see, nor would he take responsibility for defending me; he could not draw the line...Only recently after decades has DH begun to grasp the damage to his family due to his mother. MIL does not deserve full blame, because she had lots of help from her favored DIL and other sons.

I truly loved my MIL and did everything I could imagine to make it work. If she sincerely apologised and made up for the damage I would gladly forgive and start over. As it is, I resolve to be a loving, wholesome MIL when my kids marry.

Had I known who they were I like to think I would not have gone through with the wedding. The marriage is basically a facade at this point.

I believe MILs can't break up a marriage. Well, they can try, but it really depends on how much crap the abused spouse can take. I've met women with incredibly nasty MILs, who refused to even think about a divorce. I have also met women with annoying but tolerable MILs, who could not take the annoyance and tried to leave asap.

A cousin recently divorced, in large part due to unrealistic demands set by in-laws, but I don't blame the ILs because they live abroad and it was the spouse's decision to have them conference called into the marriage for most hours of the day. If my parents or ILs tried to meddle in every little decision between me & my husband, I would simply cancel the internet connection and/or phone plan. Communication technology is meant to bring people together and if it's not serving that purpose, I have no problem pulling the plug literally. If you have a problem with that when your parents or ILs are threatening your marriage, then it's your commitment to your marriage that's the problem.

My parents try to be crazy controlling over my life. If I let them they would get in-between my husband and I. I constantly have to tell my mom that I will talk about it with my DH to make that decision or that I can't really talk about that with her that it's between DH and I. She hates it, but it keeps DH and I as decision making partners.

MILs don't break up a marriage, the other spouse's refusal to set healthy boundaries with that MIL (or FIL) is what breaks up a marriage.

My grandmother tried to break up my parents engagement. The week before they got married she offered to buy my father an airplane if he didn't marry my mother- he told her no- and my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years now!

My ex husband's first marriage was great until his inlaws came from their home country to live with them. Then it degenerated rapidly.

I am grateful I met him, but often feel sad that his perfectly good marriage was laid to waste by a domineering MIL.

I would NEVER (yes, never) give them the satisfaction

I broke off an engagement due to future MIL.

We had made plans a year earlier to do a trip with my extended family to recognize a milestone birthday for someone who was in remission with cancer.

2 weeks before the trip - surprise - future MIL and FIL decided to come out and visit the same weekend that we were planning on being out of town. My fiancée got a lot of pressure not to go on the trip b/c his parents were visiting. His family knew for a long time that the trip / celebration was planned.

For me it was the moment that I realized how selfish not only the future ILs were to knowingly plan a trip - but also the family to put pressure not to go on my family celebration.

Shortly after that event we broke up. Best decision ever.

Not mine, but my SIL got divorced recently. While she was married to her husband, she was basically "married" to her parents. Her husband never had a chance because she never let him in. My husband and I have had all sorts of problems because of my IL's. Seeing her divorce and how her parents and his played such a big role in her failing marriage has actually helped our marriage. And since her divorce she is still "happily married" to her parents.

subj