FB message is totally unreliable. Bet she never got the message.

Why not tell her the truth -- "honestly I was a bit hurt when I shared with you that we lost your child and I never heard back. I realize it may have been hard for you to know what to say, as it was for many of my friends and acquaintances but it still hurt. However I unfriended you more recently -- not because of that exchange -- but because I kept getting tagged in phishing posts on your timeline and figured your account was hacked. Please feel free to add me back if you'd like."

Better yet -- why not send this to her via email rather than FB messenger; I tend not to use FB to communicate "serious" messages.

Maybe she never got your message about losing the baby. How can you be sure she did? Or maybe she responded and you never got it? Online communications are not always reliable

I am sorry for your loss.
Why not call her? Call all of your friends.
I see no reason for facebook

Anonymous wrote:You said you defriended her because you thought her account got hacked, right? Tell her that. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the timeline, but it wasn't because you thought she was insensitive about your loss.

Many, many people don't know what to say when people are grieving. That is not unusual at all. It sucks, but it's just reality. And from your description it doesn't sound like you were particularly close to begin with, so I'm not sure I understand why her reaction bothered you as much as it seems to have.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you peace.

Thank you for the kind words. We weren't geographically close, but I thought we were still tight, as much as you can be by phone and email - I was her sounding board during her divorce, comforted her when her grandmother died, that kind of thing.

OP here. Here's the timeline.

3 years ago I lost my baby and told her. She never wrote back.

Earlier this year I kept getting tagged in some phishing posts on her timeline, and her account looked hacked so I unfriended her.

Her message today was the first in 3 years. We used to write to each other a few times a year. I doubt she didn't see my last message - especially since it was in response to a "what's up" type of message from her.

Anonymous wrote:You said you defriended her because you thought her account got hacked, right? Tell her that. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the timeline, but it wasn't because you thought she was insensitive about your loss.

Many, many people don't know what to say when people are grieving. That is not unusual at all. It sucks, but it's just reality. And from your description it doesn't sound like you were particularly close to begin with, so I'm not sure I understand why her reaction bothered you as much as it seems to have.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you peace.

This works, but OP ask yourself, do you really want this person as a friend? It's been 3 years since the loss of your baby and you've heard nothing from her. There's no need to respond.

Never assume people get messages via FB messenger.

Anonymous wrote:I am confused OP! Story does not make sense!

I am confused, too.

You said you defriended her because you thought her account got hacked, right? Tell her that. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the timeline, but it wasn't because you thought she was insensitive about your loss.

Many, many people don't know what to say when people are grieving. That is not unusual at all. It sucks, but it's just reality. And from your description it doesn't sound like you were particularly close to begin with, so I'm not sure I understand why her reaction bothered you as much as it seems to have.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you peace.

Her story was pretty easy to follow for me -- seemed pretty straight forward.

It sounds like the real reason you defriended her was the spam, so I'd just tell her that.

I would say, I was going through a difficult time mourning the loss of our baby. It occured to me that, based on the majority of the posts and lack of individual communication, that we had become more acquaintances than friends, which happens.

Not written coherently but that is the basic idea.

Sorry for your loss, op.

Anyone who is your "facebook friend" should have been able to say that, in my opinion. But we both know a true friend at the very least would be there for you.

can't follow either- sorry

I am confused OP! Story does not make sense!

We used to be close friends in college; kept in touch mainly through email and FB. After college we'd see each other every few years, when home for an event or holiday.

Three years ago she sent me a FB message with a brief update and asking about me. I had just lost my first baby, born right before viability. I shared that with her, including his name. Radio silence on her end. A few months ago I started weirdly to get tagged to scam/ spam posts on her timeline, along with all her friends. Those were the only updates I'd seen on her profile, so I thought it was hacked and defriended her. Today I get this message from her, the first in three years: "Nickname, you defriended me???? "

I could explain to her why, but I can't do just that and sweep under the rug her completely ignoring my loss.
WWYD?