Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....

you are a nightmare and i'm so glad not my mom or mil!

Why am I a nightmare? I just want her to have some purpose in her life. It can be kids or a career, but I think she should do something!

You really are not understanding that this is her life and not yours. It sounds like YOU need something to do other than manufacturing problems!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If money isn't an issue and she is happy, just let her be herself.
You may encourage her to take some courses she like (crafting, flower arrangement, cake decorating, accounting, etc) but don't push. She doesn't have to take college if it is too much for her IMO.
About having kids, that is totally personal choice. She may not like it now but she may think about when she is around 30 or when her friends have kids. You already has grandkids, more or less doesn't make a different. Also stop comparing her with her sibling if you can. I hate it every minutes my mom compared me with other kids she knows. Everyone is different.

OP here and I don't have any grand kids yet. I just think she would make a great mother and her DH would make a great father. If she isn't going to work on a career then why wouldn't she just start a family. I don't understand why she doesn't want kids.

PP here. Sorry I misread your words. Regardless, it is a big decision to have children and it is the decision between her and her husband. They will have kid when they want to and are ready for it. Agree with other PP, she is against you right now.

Say nothing. She is reacting against years of you pushing her. If you leave her alone, she figure out what to do herself. If you talk about her to others and she finds out, it will have the same effect as you telling her directly. If you really care about her future, you will back off right now.

Also, honestly, if she's happy and her husband is happy and your relationship with them is otherwise good, thank God for that. Don't take these feelings for granted.

She's an adult married woman and every one of your posts is all about things she "should" do.

In your opinion, she should do these things.

But again, she is an adult married woman so there are at least two other opinions that matter more than yours.

What you should do is butt out and appreciate her for who she is. Maybe if you stop trying to meddle in her life she'll let you in. Maybe she won't. But she sure as hell won't let you in if you're constantly criticizing and judging her.

Anonymous wrote:
Why am I a nightmare? I just want her to have some purpose in her life. It can be kids or a career, but I think she should do something!

NP here -- you can think all you want, but keep your opinions to yourself. You are no longer her guardian -- she is an adult. She is cooked! The rest is up to her.

I will tell you this -- if you want to have a good relationship going forward with her, if you want to see the grandkids should they ever come -- shut up about this now. It breeds resentment and anger. Vent to us, vent to your DH, but keep your criticisms away from her ears.

She's a housewife. Leave her alone. Her husband appears to be fine with it. I'm not saying I agree with it- she needs to be prepared for if they get divorced, but there is nothing you can do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If money isn't an issue and she is happy, just let her be herself.
You may encourage her to take some courses she like (crafting, flower arrangement, cake decorating, accounting, etc) but don't push. She doesn't have to take college if it is too much for her IMO.
About having kids, that is totally personal choice. She may not like it now but she may think about when she is around 30 or when her friends have kids. You already has grandkids, more or less doesn't make a different. Also stop comparing her with her sibling if you can. I hate it every minutes my mom compared me with other kids she knows. Everyone is different.

OP here and I don't have any grand kids yet. I just think she would make a great mother and her DH would make a great father. If she isn't going to work on a career then why wouldn't she just start a family. I don't understand why she doesn't want kids.

Because kids require more than someone who's bored. They require a lot of work and dedication and even sacrifice. It's all worth it if that's what you want, but maybe that's not what she wants or what her husband wants. I don't think you should get into that conversation with her.

The rest, I agree with the other PPs as encourage her passions and interests without forcing her to find success and fulfillment and purpose in a way that is familiar to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....

you are a nightmare and i'm so glad not my mom or mil!

Why am I a nightmare? I just want her to have some purpose in her life. It can be kids or a career, but I think she should do something!

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....

you are a nightmare and i'm so glad not my mom or mil!

Anonymous wrote:If money isn't an issue and she is happy, just let her be herself.
You may encourage her to take some courses she like (crafting, flower arrangement, cake decorating, accounting, etc) but don't push. She doesn't have to take college if it is too much for her IMO.
About having kids, that is totally personal choice. She may not like it now but she may think about when she is around 30 or when her friends have kids. You already has grandkids, more or less doesn't make a different. Also stop comparing her with her sibling if you can. I hate it every minutes my mom compared me with other kids she knows. Everyone is different.

OP here and I don't have any grand kids yet. I just think she would make a great mother and her DH would make a great father. If she isn't going to work on a career then why wouldn't she just start a family. I don't understand why she doesn't want kids.

If money isn't an issue and she is happy, just let her be herself.
You may encourage her to take some courses she like (crafting, flower arrangement, cake decorating, accounting, etc) but don't push. She doesn't have to take college if it is too much for her IMO.
About having kids, that is totally personal choice. She may not like it now but she may think about when she is around 30 or when her friends have kids. You already has grandkids, more or less doesn't make a different. Also stop comparing her with her sibling if you can. I hate it every minutes my mom compared me with other kids she knows. Everyone is different.

I can see why that would be frustrating, but there really isn't anything you can do. You raised her, now you have to trust her to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Pressuring her is just going to cause distance in the relationship and she'll be even less likely to come to you to talk about what she wants to do.

FWIW, my friend had an ok but not great job after college and when she married a dr. he was very happy for her to stop working. He liked her being available to travel to conferences with him and handle all the home stuff. Eventually they had 4 kids and are very happy. Wouldn't be my choice but it works for them.

Butt out. She's a grown woman who can make her own choices. She is probably being vague with you because she knows you're dying to shove your opinion down her throat.

My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....