Maybe you should do more chores around the house.

Nope... He is very fit, attractive and not depressed as far as i can tell.
He drinks moderately

Is your DH depressed? Does he exercise? Is he drinking too much? Just trying to think of some physiological reasons why his drive is so low.

Sex is a huge part of marriage OP, it is not some little issue that can be forgotten and swept under the rug for good.

If you are not satisfied sexually in your marriage, then in my opinion, you do not have a healthy and normal marriage.

Have you thought about seeking professional help for this? Would your husband be on board for this??

Other than seeking counseling, I do not see what else can be done to rectify this issue. Going outside of your marriage would only cause more issues.

Anonymous wrote:Other than the length of your relationship OP, I'm the same. Married many years, two kids under 4, coming up on the one year mark since we had sex, and frequency even before kids was never what I wanted.

It's miserable.

I love him and he's a deeply good man, but I am really missing what I think constitutes a significant part of a marriage. As it stands we're fantastic loving friends and parents. Zero passion.

You hit the nail on the head.. zero passion. Ugh
Do you think you can live with it forever?
Its so hard to see other couples we are friends with be affectionate and hear about their sex lives. I would be psyched if we did it at least once a week!

Other than the length of your relationship OP, I'm the same. Married many years, two kids under 4, coming up on the one year mark since we had sex, and frequency even before kids was never what I wanted.

It's miserable.

I love him and he's a deeply good man, but I am really missing what I think constitutes a significant part of a marriage. As it stands we're fantastic loving friends and parents. Zero passion.

p.s. with couples counseling you can keep going back periodically to keep the progress going.

You need couples counseling.

and we both drink every night so I don't think that helps - at least not him

Anonymous wrote:I think first if you don't touch a lot you have to break that barrier and maybe watch TV together and cuddle or hold hands. Then work up to being more snugly. Alcohol helps, I'm sorry to say, so make sure you are sipping some good drinks.

I would do this, but he's not cuddly like that. I feel like even when i try to hug him sometimes he's like "what are you doing"
He says hes attracted to me and that he likes sex, but his actions suggest otherwise.

I guess my question is, after the same thing for so long am I fooling myself into thinking this can really change in the long run. Even if i get him interested for a month I can;t help but think it will just go back to normal....

I think first if you don't touch a lot you have to break that barrier and maybe watch TV together and cuddle or hold hands. Then work up to being more snugly. Alcohol helps, I'm sorry to say, so make sure you are sipping some good drinks.

I guess the idea of having to teach or persuade someone into liking sex more is strange to me.
I want to feel like he wants and desires me. I just wonder if getting him to "like it enough" will be enough for me.....
I don't want to waste my whole life feeling sexually deprived

My guess is that you can teach someone to like it more, but probably with some guidance or professional consultation on how to teach it or how to get started. Maybe there are some self-help books on this topic?

I will add that we have a 10 year age difference. Two kids 6 and 3

Husband has his issues but is great in many ways. Good provider, helps out around house etc.
but our sex life sucks. It has for a while. Even before kids I think it just wasn't as important to him once we got over the "honeymoon" phase.
I've just stopped initiating completely and it's been over a year. I just take car of myself.

I want to just convince myself that I can work around it and not let it frustrate me so much.
He's acknowledged maybe he has intimacy issues and is in therapy but I feel like you can't really convince someone to like sex.
I want to feel wanted and feel starved for affection and touch.

Am I fooling myself into thinking this will ever change? Sex has not been a priority for him for over 10 years.