I wouldn't lie with them, but I wouldn't cause drama either. If they said, Larla was a gifted student, I would comment that she has made great strides in school (truth).

Then I would walk away.

At the end of the day the only harm they do is to themselves. As long as your children know that you ARE proud of them and grandma/grandpa are senile it should be ok.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wanted to add another layer to this. One of my kids has learning disabilities which my parents have trouble accepting since you know, we have only genius genes.

That's just sick. I'd disown my parents if they did that.

what kind of or degree of exaggerating are you talking about? exaggerating or lying? Lying about actual things, awards, accomplishments? eg. Tiny Tim is on travel hockey team and scoring lots of goals (when he's not even on the team)? or what?

This reminds me of my parents who could not bring themselves to tell their friends that my boyfriend and I were living together. We did get married a lot later but they could not invite any of their friends to the wedding b/c of the lie.

My parents are immigrants so I understand perfectly what you are talking about.

Anonymous wrote:OP yet again....while I'm on a roll...another thing that annoys me is if anything didn't go as they hoped with us it is because we are ungrateful and selfish, but if anything doesn't go as planned with other people's kids it's because the parents were bad parents.

Hey OP, this is 14:02. This is a lot like my ILs. They love to find fault with others, particularly their friends whose son has had several DUIs, resulting in jail time. They just love to trash their friends - if they had only given their son more attention as a child he wouldn't have ended up in jail... As for DH and SIL, everything is someone else's fault. DH applied for a job and didn't get it - recruiter must've been prejudiced against DH's last name...

I've posted about MIL on here before for other things, and best advice I've gotten is to figure out how to ignore her and move on. Also, give her as little info as possible so she doesn't have ammunition for her crazy stories. That was last spring and I've been working on it. It's really, really hard, but I'm starting to get there. Of course the downside is that now she tells DH how much I "hate" her because I don't tell her stuff anymore.

OP - the easy solution is to not go to the wedding. It's not going to fix the problem long-term, but you will be able to avoid an awkward situation.

If that isn't an option, then maybe you could find a way to gently "correct" what your parents are saying if they do it in front of you. If your parents are bragging about your daughter being the smartest one in her class when she's more of an average student, for instance, maybe you could say something like "well, she's stronger in certain subjects than others, and we are really proud of how hard she works." The person on the receiving end might either think you're being modest or that the answer is somewhere in the middle -- either way, you aren't allowing your parents' statements to sit out there as truth. I think a gentle approach like this might be better in mixed company, rather than flat out denying what your parents say. It could get really uncomfortable for the other people in the coversation if you're exposing your parents' lies, and sadly, it sounds like taking such an approach wouldn't change their behavior anyway.

Best of luck!

OP yet again....while I'm on a roll...another thing that annoys me is if anything didn't go as they hoped with us it is because we are ungrateful and selfish, but if anything doesn't go as planned with other people's kids it's because the parents were bad parents.

Anonymous wrote:My ILs do this type of thing, especially to cover up things they are insecure/embarrassed about, particularly with respect to my SIL. For example, SIL is almost 40 and not married. She has a great job, lots of friends, etc., but MIL/FIL gloss over that and talk about the fiancé she tragically lost to illness in her 20s. The "fiancé" was a guy she dated semi-seriously got 6-8 months before he got leukemia. It is possible he might've been "the one" but there was never any engagement to speak of. I feel so badly for SIL that they keep rehashing that old experience instead of focusing on her many accomplishments.

I have no real solutions. I have called out MIL when she's done similar things to DH and she just denies, denies, denies. I think she really believes the stories she has fabricated. She doesn't exactly ask us to collude with her, she just tells us we are wrong if we correct her. So I have stopped trying - it's not worth the argument. DH will still sometimes fight it. FIL is her co-conspirator by virtue of his silence.

Yes, my parents also seem to believe their lies. It's like they think I am trying to sabotage them by making up things. By the end of a conversation with them I start to question whether I have made up DD's learning disability and if maybe I somehow held back my son by not prepping him for gifted program tests. I made him average.

I have an unmarried brother-many girlfriends over the years and one actual engagement. He is an actual over-achiever (Harvard, Yale and Cornell degrees) and I think his perfectionism made him unable to settle down. He has been with his current girlfriend for 8 years. My parents brag about all his accomplishments and while behind the scenes they push him to settle down, in public they just say it's hard for him to find someone good enough for him.

I also have a sister who was academically average and low and behold she still went to college, got a job she loved and got married and had kids. The world didn't come crashing down, but my parents just didn't mention her when they bragged about us because she got labelled the average one. Pretty disgusting. My sister doesn't visit much, but when she does she just rolls her eyes and plays along.

My mom does it, but not on this scale. She does not lie, she... I liked OP's "reinvents the truth." Mostly, quite innocently. I shrug it off. I am very forgiving of older people in general and my parents in particular.

My ILs do this type of thing, especially to cover up things they are insecure/embarrassed about, particularly with respect to my SIL. For example, SIL is almost 40 and not married. She has a great job, lots of friends, etc., but MIL/FIL gloss over that and talk about the fiancé she tragically lost to illness in her 20s. The "fiancé" was a guy she dated semi-seriously got 6-8 months before he got leukemia. It is possible he might've been "the one" but there was never any engagement to speak of. I feel so badly for SIL that they keep rehashing that old experience instead of focusing on her many accomplishments.

I have no real solutions. I have called out MIL when she's done similar things to DH and she just denies, denies, denies. I think she really believes the stories she has fabricated. She doesn't exactly ask us to collude with her, she just tells us we are wrong if we correct her. So I have stopped trying - it's not worth the argument. DH will still sometimes fight it. FIL is her co-conspirator by virtue of his silence.

OP here. Wanted to add another layer to this. One of my kids has learning disabilities which my parents have trouble accepting since you know, we have only genius genes.

Even better idea is to show up and be completely honest about yourselves and your kids. If your parents are lying, that's on them. Maybe they'll get embarrassed and stop.

OP here. I feel bad making my parents sound awful. They have many good qualities and are hard working and they too came from families like this. Part of this may be related to their "first generation American" status where you want to seem like you've totally made it and are living the American dream successful in all ways.

To be honest even if my kids were anything like what my parents brag about, I would be annoyed they are bragging, though I know grandparents do that. I think their bragging started out with truths and morphed into major exaggerations and down right lies. I do HATE the idea that they cannot accept my children for who they are in public. They are loving in private but feel the need to keep up with the Jones' in public.

Wow -- this is a special brand of crazy I never heard of. Your parents need some serious health. Good for you and your DH for not falling for the B.S. . Stay home, not worth the headache of attending this charade.

Anyone else have parents who exaggerate the truth or even re-invent it to impress friends and extended family and they want you, your spouse and your kids to go along with it? My parents have over-embellished the successes of my kids and there is a family event coming up. I spent my childhood trying to achieve and pretend I was perfect and never feeling like anyone would accept me for me so I refuse to do this to my kids. My parents basically have coached me on what they have bragged about regarding my kids/their grandkids and they want to make sure DH and I go along with the charade. I refused and they are upset. I know for a fact my cousins lie about their kids and their achievements, but they like the adoration and don't seem to feel conflicted or even realize that they are going beyond embellishment. I refuse to lie about my own children. They are great kids who usually try hard and I want them to be happy and feel accepted and loved as they are. IThey don't have to be geniuses, musical prodigies and athletes (all at once of course . I don't want them growing up thinking they have to lie and keep up appearances. My husband had a family that did this to some extent and we are on the same page. So I'm seriously considering not going to this wedding (still have time to RSVP) and we'll just see the grandparents on their own so we don't have to pretend. Anyone else deal with this? I know they are old and I should probably bend, but I think it would send the wrong message to my kids.