Anonymous wrote:People seriously hate their in laws this much? They are usually left alone, to literally die. Why can't they stay with you all?

Gee, I don't know! I can't imagine any scenario in which I would not want my ILs to move in with me.

Anonymous wrote:People seriously hate their in laws this much? They are usually left alone, to literally die. Why can't they stay with you all?

We aren't talking about illness or an inability to care for herself. Mil just said she wants to spend several MONTHS at a time here.

Caring for a parent in crisis or bc you invited the person is one thing- a pushy in law announcing she intends to live in our home for months is quite another. Of course, this would be no problem if she were a pleasant, helpful person or one who minded her own business. She's none of those things. She snoops when visiting us, requested access to our personal calendars, and expects to be waited on hand and foot at no expense of her own.

It's a deal breaker for me. But how to share this with dh?

our parents had kids (us) when they were 35 and we had kids when we were 35, so yes, we worry about getting sandwiched by trying to take care of our own children, our retirement savings and at the same time take care of two sets of elderly parents.

should be a complete shitshow.

i may have to quit my job and career to take care of them all. no way we can pay for help.

we take the philosophy that we should do everything we can (save, long term health policy, be healthy, downsize home later) in order to not be a burden on our children. caring for end-of-life 80 and 90 yo parents may jeopardize our savings and careers and ability to provide for our own children.

People seriously hate their in laws this much? They are usually left alone, to literally die. Why can't they stay with you all?

Anonymous wrote:MIL says all the time that she plans to spend several months out of the year up here once kids arrive. She even goes so far as to say things like, "Make sure any homes you look at to buy have a bedroom and a bathroom for me."

This would be my worst nightmare come true. Hell personified. How do I handle with dh???

Wow this is so pushy.

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

Dramatic, much?

I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

No, they are dead.

My ILs recently moved a couple of blocks away. It's just like I thought--they are calling several times a week for favors. Last week, my MIL requested that my DH fill up her car with gas, "like you do for your wife ". When he responded that I fill up my own car, she acted surprised and said I was a "liberated woman. ". Mind you, she has had a career for thirty years. Then they called because they couldn't get the light bulbs to screw in. So DH and I went over and ended up changing bulbs on threw different fixtures which all screwed in just fine the first time. This week so far, it was getting cash from the ATM and an email problem. My parents live across the continent so they never get any attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No because BEFORE we married, I told dh that no parents will ever live with us.

+1

I will divorce before they will ever live with us.

It's funny because my husband agreed probably thinking my parents would be the ones to move in.
However, my parents died. His mom is the only one left and I often remind him of the deal. She is 68 now.

Anonymous wrote:No because BEFORE we married, I told dh that no parents will ever live with us.

+1

I will divorce before they will ever live with us.

Have you said anything to DH about it? Like, "Hey, you know that is never going to happen if our marriage is going to survive, right?"

See what he says, if he is taking it seriously or if he sees it as her just talking.

I would be tempted to laugh te next time she brings it up and say, "You're joking, right?"

No because BEFORE we married, I told dh that no parents will ever live with us.

There is always a possibility that your elderly parents and/or ILs will have to be looked after by you and/or your spouse (or even yr kids).

What is there to worry about?

If you can do any planning for future (bathroom design, layout of the house, improvements), do it - but apart from that there is nothing you can predict about the future.

MIL says all the time that she plans to spend several months out of the year up here once kids arrive. She even goes so far as to say things like, "Make sure any homes you look at to buy have a bedroom and a bathroom for me."

This would be my worst nightmare come true. Hell personified. How do I handle with dh???