Anonymous wrote:Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

It's a pain in the ass but you will get it done properly and more efficiently than anyone else.

Anonymous wrote:I am just finishing up my dad's. It's just me and my sister, the asset distribution was cleanly split down the middle. It probably helped that almost everything he has was in two large brokerage accounts, except for his personal residence. He had already transferred that over to me and my sister, while retaining "life rights" for himself.

If he had passed about 15 years earlier, it would have been alot more painful of a process. He got connected with an Edward Jones broker back then, and I am eternally grateful to her for consolidating a bunch of accounts he had and getting him out of speculative things into stable investments. She also had him set up a "Transfer on Death" document on the account, which simplified the asset distribution as well.

It also helped that I had been helping him with his paperwork for years, so I knew everything he had and there were no surprises. That's something that I think would be more complicated in an in-law situation.

He transferred his personal residence to you and your sister while he was alive? If the property had appreciated since he bought it, that would be a huge mistake. You and your sister will owe capital gains taxes whereas none would be owed if you two had inherited it upon his death.

I am just finishing up my dad's. It's just me and my sister, the asset distribution was cleanly split down the middle. It probably helped that almost everything he has was in two large brokerage accounts, except for his personal residence. He had already transferred that over to me and my sister, while retaining "life rights" for himself.

If he had passed about 15 years earlier, it would have been alot more painful of a process. He got connected with an Edward Jones broker back then, and I am eternally grateful to her for consolidating a bunch of accounts he had and getting him out of speculative things into stable investments. She also had him set up a "Transfer on Death" document on the account, which simplified the asset distribution as well.

It also helped that I had been helping him with his paperwork for years, so I knew everything he had and there were no surprises. That's something that I think would be more complicated in an in-law situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

Great advice. If you agree to doing this do everything you can to have the inlaws very clearly and carefully document their wishes and, to the extent possible (and certainly where there will be any potential friction) communicate that to their children themselves. You do not want to end up in the position of being the enemy when carrying our their estate wishes.

Agree with this, and the other cautionary advice above. Even though my grandmother's will was pretty clearly written and her kids all got along, a few of them went a little crazy after she passed. That, combined with different interpretations of one part of her will led to plenty of bad/hurt feelings.

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

Great advice. If you agree to doing this do everything you can to have the inlaws very clearly and carefully document their wishes and, to the extent possible (and certainly where there will be any potential friction) communicate that to their children themselves. You do not want to end up in the position of being the enemy when carrying our their estate wishes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

. This. I would not do it.

Another +1. Though I'm a tax attorney, not estate. I hate that I am the named executrix. I would not want it to be my sibling either. I think a neutral 3rd party would be best.

My ILs named my BIL (H's brother) because he works in finance. I see it not ending well when they do pass because H and his brother are not close (either emotionally or geographically) and I can see there being very bad feelings.

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

. This. I would not do it.

You can always defer to a lawyer ifyou get stuck with the duties. The estate will pay for the lawyer.

My ILs lawyer recommended that they didn't use the children as the executor unless one is a lawyer. Maybe they were told something similar - although I think a DIL or SIL would also not be the best choice. Maybe they don't have other family they are comfortable choosing?

Go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN. the death of a parent and the distribution of assets is a highly emotional event. People may act in ways you would never expect. Be sure you can handle being in the middle of it all.

I am my parents' named executrix. I am a attorney practicing in estate planning and probate. While I have the professional expertise to do the job, I'm not sure I want it.

Are you an attorney or accountant? What is uncommon is that your spouse/their child is not either the first named executor or co-executor with you. Why do you think you were chosen?

It makes a lot of sense. You are family but wouldn't be completely distraught. Maybe they think highly of your organization and decision-making skills.

I also think it helps in terms or not over-burdening kids who are grieving (let's face it, losing a parent is 95% of the time different/harder than losing an in-law no matter how much you love your inlaws) if you have a DIL/SIL in the family that would be organized/ good at it, they can take that off the plates of the kids during this hard time.

My dad made my SIL his executor, and I back the decision 100%. (I'm an attorney, by the way.) Honestly, she is crazy organized and in PA, at least, the executor needs to be a resident in state (I'm not). My brother is super smart but stressed out and too busy to do it so his wife is a great choice.

Is this common? Or at least clever, if not normal? Or do you think it's a sign that they don't trust their kids (dh and his sister) worth a lick?