Anonymous
09/30/2014 00:24
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
I am fat now, but I am not an ugly woman.
We talked and he asked me to give him a number. He threw out some numbers that would be perfect for my height which are only 30 lbs smaller than what I am now.
We talked and he asked me to give him a number. He threw out some numbers that would be perfect for my height which are only 30 lbs smaller than what I am now.
Anonymous
09/29/2014 12:17
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Anonymous wrote:I think he's probably intensely insecure. Probably terrified that you'll be attractive.
+1
Anonymous
09/27/2014 20:38
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
1lb a month for a morbidly obese woman is nothing. If you are very fat then you are going to lose a lot of weight by just making small changes to your diet. 1lb a month would be weight loss for someone in the upper normal range to get to a lower normal range.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 19:12
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately this is very real. When I bring up the lack of sex he always says it's stress from his job ( he has had an increased work load) and our age difference. He says that because he's older than me his drive is just different. It's just so all of a sudden. Before we had sex 4-5 times a week and now it's nothing. He's affectionate there's just no sex and I am frustrated.
When I bring up health risks of me remaining so big he says they don't apply to me because we lead an active lifestyle. On the weekends we hike, swim, etc. We are always doing stuff.
Thanks for all of your responses.
Ridiculous, and if he can't acknowledge how wrong he is, that's a red flag.
Tell him it looks as though he married you for the fat, and that you can't endanger your health just to please him.
Obviously don't have kids with him just yet. You might want somebody who will value what you've accomplished.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 19:11
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Check out some boards where people post after gastric bypass. A very high perecentage of marriages fail when female partners lose weight because the your weight is a security blanket for him. More often than not it's an issue of anxiety and control- if you are dependent on him because you are fat and insecure and no one else wants you: great.
If you gain confidence, become assertive, not so dependent: yuck. He will say it's about your lack of curves, but it is more than that. He likes feeling in control.
If you gain confidence, become assertive, not so dependent: yuck. He will say it's about your lack of curves, but it is more than that. He likes feeling in control.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 18:08
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Unfortunately this is very real. When I bring up the lack of sex he always says it's stress from his job ( he has had an increased work load) and our age difference. He says that because he's older than me his drive is just different. It's just so all of a sudden. Before we had sex 4-5 times a week and now it's nothing. He's affectionate there's just no sex and I am frustrated.
When I bring up health risks of me remaining so big he says they don't apply to me because we lead an active lifestyle. On the weekends we hike, swim, etc. We are always doing stuff.
Thanks for all of your responses.
When I bring up health risks of me remaining so big he says they don't apply to me because we lead an active lifestyle. On the weekends we hike, swim, etc. We are always doing stuff.
Thanks for all of your responses.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 17:31
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Is this for real...??!
Anyway OP, let him know there are many health benefits to losing weight. It is not all about vanity and aesthetics here, carrying around so much extra lbs. puts you at a much higher risk for many health issues such as diabetes, heart attack, stroke and cancer.
If he truly loves and cares about you, he should put his own needs and wants aside and think about your health.
Good luck to you and a huge congrats for your weight loss.
Anyway OP, let him know there are many health benefits to losing weight. It is not all about vanity and aesthetics here, carrying around so much extra lbs. puts you at a much higher risk for many health issues such as diabetes, heart attack, stroke and cancer.
If he truly loves and cares about you, he should put his own needs and wants aside and think about your health.
Good luck to you and a huge congrats for your weight loss.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 16:46
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Then what IS his explanation for not having sex for 3 months. Without any valid explanation, you're left to fill in the blank. And right now, you can't help but noticed that is happening right as you're losing weight.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 16:43
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
I think he's probably intensely insecure. Probably terrified that you'll be attractive.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 16:42
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Sounds like you should lose another 200 pounds (or however much your partner weighs).
Anonymous
09/27/2014 16:28
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
I lost 52 lbs in about 4 months. I plan on losing weight until I feel good health wise.FruminousBandersnatch wrote:Anonymous wrote:I need tips on talking to him about it.
He likes fat women. I am fat, very fat.
I have been working out, eating better etc. I am not going to be thin anytime soon. Before anyone asks he is successful, good looking, and in very good shape. Last night he asked how much weight I had lost because I am noticeably smaller. I casually said 52 lbs. He told me I am losing weigh way too fast and he thinks a safe amount would be 1 lb a month. Since I have been losing weight he has stopped having sex with me. I would like to work on my relationship. We have been together for a few years.
Thanks in advance
52 lbs is a lot of weight and that's a HUGE accomplishment! Congratulations from someone who knows how hard that is.
Over how much time did you lose the 52 lbs? How much more do you want to lose?
A pound a month is definitely healthy, but although IANAD, I think even up to a pound every week or two is still considered healthy controlled weight loss.
With that amount of weight loss, though, you probably should be consulting a doctor (if you aren't already), especially if you did it more quickly than 2-3 lbs every 2 weeks.
If he's in good shape, he must appreciate how much better you feel, how much more energy you have, etc.
Congratulations, again. That is a tremendous achievement and good luck going forward and keeping it off.
Looks wise, I'm not insecure. If I had to put a number on it I'd say about 100 more pounds.
My doctor just says good job. He isnt worried. I didnt have health issues or anything like that, but I am turning 30 soon and I want to be a mother one day.
He does seem to like that I have more energy when we go hiking, and do outdoor things. He says us not having sex for 3 months is unrelated. But it sucks, and feels like Im being punished.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 16:19
Subject: Re:My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Anonymous wrote:congratulations on losing 52 pounds and on working out and eating better. These are big accomplishments, and i wish your partner was as proud of you as I am.
I would be honest. Tell him that you are losing weight for you, for your health and how you feel about yourself (or whatever your reasons are) . But then give him an opportunity to be open with his feelings. Maybe its purely an attractiveness issue (he doesn't like slender women), maybe he's worried you will leave him once you lose a lot of weight, etc, Try to have an open and honest dialogue. But, at the end of the day, if he can't support you in something that is really important to you, I'm not sure whether there's any good resolution for you.
Thank you. I've started the conversation and so far her just says there is nothinng wrong with how I look now. He says that he would find me attractive at any size but because of how he is actiny now I doubt it.
FruminousBandersnatch
09/27/2014 14:22
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
Anonymous wrote:I need tips on talking to him about it.
He likes fat women. I am fat, very fat.
I have been working out, eating better etc. I am not going to be thin anytime soon. Before anyone asks he is successful, good looking, and in very good shape. Last night he asked how much weight I had lost because I am noticeably smaller. I casually said 52 lbs. He told me I am losing weigh way too fast and he thinks a safe amount would be 1 lb a month. Since I have been losing weight he has stopped having sex with me. I would like to work on my relationship. We have been together for a few years.
Thanks in advance
52 lbs is a lot of weight and that's a HUGE accomplishment! Congratulations from someone who knows how hard that is.
Over how much time did you lose the 52 lbs? How much more do you want to lose?
A pound a month is definitely healthy, but although IANAD, I think even up to a pound every week or two is still considered healthy controlled weight loss.
With that amount of weight loss, though, you probably should be consulting a doctor (if you aren't already), especially if you did it more quickly than 2-3 lbs every 2 weeks.
If he's in good shape, he must appreciate how much better you feel, how much more energy you have, etc.
Congratulations, again. That is a tremendous achievement and good luck going forward and keeping it off.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 13:55
Subject: Re:My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
congratulations on losing 52 pounds and on working out and eating better. These are big accomplishments, and i wish your partner was as proud of you as I am.
I would be honest. Tell him that you are losing weight for you, for your health and how you feel about yourself (or whatever your reasons are) . But then give him an opportunity to be open with his feelings. Maybe its purely an attractiveness issue (he doesn't like slender women), maybe he's worried you will leave him once you lose a lot of weight, etc, Try to have an open and honest dialogue. But, at the end of the day, if he can't support you in something that is really important to you, I'm not sure whether there's any good resolution for you.
I would be honest. Tell him that you are losing weight for you, for your health and how you feel about yourself (or whatever your reasons are) . But then give him an opportunity to be open with his feelings. Maybe its purely an attractiveness issue (he doesn't like slender women), maybe he's worried you will leave him once you lose a lot of weight, etc, Try to have an open and honest dialogue. But, at the end of the day, if he can't support you in something that is really important to you, I'm not sure whether there's any good resolution for you.
Anonymous
09/27/2014 11:51
Subject: My Partner is not supportive of my weight loss
I need tips on talking to him about it.
He likes fat women. I am fat, very fat.
I have been working out, eating better etc. I am not going to be thin anytime soon. Before anyone asks he is successful, good looking, and in very good shape. Last night he asked how much weight I had lost because I am noticeably smaller. I casually said 52 lbs. He told me I am losing weigh way too fast and he thinks a safe amount would be 1 lb a month. Since I have been losing weight he has stopped having sex with me. I would like to work on my relationship. We have been together for a few years.
Thanks in advance
He likes fat women. I am fat, very fat.
I have been working out, eating better etc. I am not going to be thin anytime soon. Before anyone asks he is successful, good looking, and in very good shape. Last night he asked how much weight I had lost because I am noticeably smaller. I casually said 52 lbs. He told me I am losing weigh way too fast and he thinks a safe amount would be 1 lb a month. Since I have been losing weight he has stopped having sex with me. I would like to work on my relationship. We have been together for a few years.
Thanks in advance