Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same experience. My almost 4 seems NT. He's had the age appropriate problems with sharing and gets overly exuberant in play sometimes but he responds to guidance and I never feel like I'm walking on eggshells to take him to a playdate. My older DS is 6.5yo and I have to be constantly on the lookout for problems when other kids don't obey his rules. He's gotten much better about it, but we've had meltdowns when other kids wanted to play in the blankets he wanted to make a fort with. I also have to watch for the first sign of diminishing coping abilities .. is he tired? is he hungry? when was the last time he ate? It's like taking a 2yo to a playdate except he's a lot bigger and a lot more verbal. Fortunately(?) my friend who happens to have kids near in age (which we use as an excuse to get together) also has a SN son .... so we get to take turns dealing with anti-social behavior but at least we're not judgy.

OP here. The bolded is exactly our problem. DC is so excited to have a playdate that he plans and plans for it in advance, and then is devastated when the friend doesn't follow his script exactly.

My younger child of course doesn't always share perfectly, but there's a flow to his playdates and a give and take between friends that is so, just, *typical.*

Not OP but same experience. My almost 4 seems NT. He's had the age appropriate problems with sharing and gets overly exuberant in play sometimes but he responds to guidance and I never feel like I'm walking on eggshells to take him to a playdate. My older DS is 6.5yo and I have to be constantly on the lookout for problems when other kids don't obey his rules. He's gotten much better about it, but we've had meltdowns when other kids wanted to play in the blankets he wanted to make a fort with. I also have to watch for the first sign of diminishing coping abilities .. is he tired? is he hungry? when was the last time he ate? It's like taking a 2yo to a playdate except he's a lot bigger and a lot more verbal. Fortunately(?) my friend who happens to have kids near in age (which we use as an excuse to get together) also has a SN son .... so we get to take turns dealing with anti-social behavior but at least we're not judgy.

May I also ask how old these two children are? And their genders? I don't mean to belittle the problems of ordinary kids vs. SN kids. But there are also problems for kids of certain ages in getting along at playdates. Kids at certain developmental ages and boys/girls may have different playdate styles. And some kids have better temperaments at playdates. May I also say that the expectation that two kids will instinctively cooperate may -- may -- be a bit too high. It is difficult for me to imagine this scenario. It is great that your ordinary child has such a sympatico chum. But really, this is a very high standard.

Anonymous wrote:I have one child with an ASD and one NT child. Playdates with my ASD child are so hard -- lots of prep, lots of intervening, and (usually) lots of tears and yelling. My NT child is having a playdate this afternoon and it's so easy. They are coming up with things to do, playing together, not fighting, cooperating instinctively.

I don't know whether to be happy or to cry.

I am in the same situation. I am wiped out after DS1's playdates, and somehow DS2 and his friends just disappear and have a grand old time. I feel like DS1 is actually learning the ropes from DS2 and his playdates.

OP, you might not appreciate how easy it is for you when your NT child has playdates if you didn't see what it can be like preparing your other child. I hear moms of NT kids complain about kids eating too much at their house, etc. I treat any child who comes to play like royalty and will feed them as much healthy food as they can handle and as many treats as their parents will allow. I'm not rich. Spending to feed my kids' friend is the least of my problems. Heck if the kid plays well with my child every time and is understanding I'd be willing to make a gourmet dinner if requested.

We use playdates as a reward for good behavior at school for my child with ASD. His BFF is also on the spectrum and they help and encourage each other when the other is having issues at school so they can have the playdate. It is pretty awesome.

At our last playdate, my DS was having a meltdown about having to leave a place so that his friend could do what he wanted to do. It was really nice seeing DS's BFF helping him calm down.

I actually love playdates b/c they usually go off on their own and entertain themselves. Keep having them, it'll get easier.

I know what you mean. My NT (at least so far .. and I hate watching like a hawk for signs...) almost 4yo is starting to have his own playdates. I don't even know how to relax.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy. You could always have two SN kids...

Really, that is your supportive advice?

Meant lightheartedly, b/c I have two...

Anonymous wrote:Be happy. You could always have two SN kids...

Really, that is your supportive advice?

Be happy. You could always have two SN kids...

I have one child with an ASD and one NT child. Playdates with my ASD child are so hard -- lots of prep, lots of intervening, and (usually) lots of tears and yelling. My NT child is having a playdate this afternoon and it's so easy. They are coming up with things to do, playing together, not fighting, cooperating instinctively.

I don't know whether to be happy or to cry.