Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

OP here: This is worse!

I am feeling tremendously better today because the item in question (FIL broke his vow of secrecy to tell us what it is) actually sounds nice. Unless it turns out to be bedazzled, which I wouldn't put past her. It won't go in DD's room, because it won't fit and because all the children will enjoy it, but I both feel bad for my knee-jerk reaction, and like I dodged a bullet!

At lease your MIL buy your daughter NEW toys. My MIL gets used toys/things from her friend's nephew for my daughter.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's a cyclical thing. We have kids just as the grandparents are burning out of their hobbies, activities. Our family becomes their new novelty. It gives them a fresh way to identify and reinvent themselves with purpose. "I am a grandparent!!"

The worst time is when the grandchildren are new and there are only a few of them in the family. Hang in there.

PP, thank you for this - it's one of the sanest and most helpful explanations I've read on this forum. I'm an NP to this thread but complain about my MIL in this forum from time to time. This really clicked with me and helps put a lot of frustrations into perspective. You are a wise soul.

No one else is reminded of Kevin Costner? Damn.

Anonymous wrote:You people make me want to throw up with your rejection of and the disgust for the simple kindness of your in-laws..

I am the PP who wrote about the picture frames. I do feel bad when my MIL gives me things I don't like or want. I am always gracious and kind when she buys us stuff, but I am not obligated to put something up in my home that I don't like or want. We just bought our first house and she is always offering ideas and suggestions on how we should decorate, and buys us things that she wants us to put up. I am always polite, but I'm not going to be pressured into decorating or doing things in my home because I am afraid of offending her. Its our house, it should be a reflection of us, not her.

You are equals. Their feelings are not more important than yours. You need to work on changing the dynamic. That also means you have the responsibility to express yourself and follow-through.

But don't make it a huge deal. Most of you are choosing to make it a huge deal which shows your immaturity. No wonder they don't respect you as equals.

If parents/ILs are overstepping their bounds, give the stuff away (quietly)

You people make me want to throw up with your rejection of and the disgust for the simple kindness of your in-laws..

OP, I think it's a cyclical thing. We have kids just as the grandparents are burning out of their hobbies, activities. Our family becomes their new novelty. It gives them a fresh way to identify and reinvent themselves with purpose. "I am a grandparent!!"

The worst time is when the grandchildren are new and there are only a few of them in the family. Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

YES. Omg. Why does my MIL still have all of DH's toys from when he was born??? They seriously gave DD a doll that they purchased when MIL was pregnant with DH and they didn't know if he'd be a boy or a girl. Then they kept it for 32 years and gave it to DD. (Then DD lost it and I feel terrible. Bad all around.) And a small desk and chair, and an activity tray, and a set of stacking cups, etc. I'm honestly curious at this point how much more she's saved.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh that is super annoying. My MIL regularly buy me things for our house that I REALLY don't like. Like huge picture frames with the words "love" and "family" written on them. I don't put them up because they aren't my style and I don't want to encourage her to keep buying me things I don't like or want.

Mine too. Big ones. Over and over. Usually pre-loaded with pictures of herself and FIL. And let's not forget the Nana Loves Me shirts. All tucked away until she visits.

Ugh that is super annoying. My MIL regularly buy me things for our house that I REALLY don't like. Like huge picture frames with the words "love" and "family" written on them. I don't put them up because they aren't my style and I don't want to encourage her to keep buying me things I don't like or want.

my ILs keep giving my kids non-flammable pj. I asked them to please avoid the non-flammable clothing because we are concerned with the chemicals and just buy snug fitting cotton ones. they said yes and then they kept buying the non-flammable. I accept them with a big smile, and then proceed to put them straight in the donation bin. I would never buy something if someone expressly asks me not to, even if I think the reasons are silly. your MIL did not ask because she did not want to give you the chance to say no. if you like the thing, take it (and I would try to be open minded, I kept staff that at the beginning I did not really want but ended up being useful or ok), if you really don't like it, just donate it or return it.

It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

I'm not really a fan either but all you can do is say thanks, seriously consider whether you can make use of it and if not, then return it or sell it and get something else.

MIL (via FIL) just bought a mysterious "bulky item" for my 1-year-old daughter's room. Why can't she run these kind of purchases past me first? There are too many touchy feelings involved to do anything but accept graciously, but I hate when people presume to decorate my house for me.