My DH and I walked down the aisle together. I find many of the wedding traditions absurd. There was no way I was going to be 'given' to my husband. I also refused to do the garter/bouquet toss as well.

Let's bring back the brides dowry, droit du seigneur, displaying sheet with blood of broken hymen to prove. Bride was a virgin. Giving bride away is an insult to women. We are not chattel!

Anonymous wrote:My two bits - My father walked me down the aisle. It meant a great deal to me, but more importantly, meant everything to him. Now that he is no longer alive, it is a memory I will cherish. Some people may view it as symbolic, but I don’t believe most people view this gesture as “giving away the daughter.” It is more a tradition.
I would not have had it any other way. The few moments while we were waiting at the back of the church were so, so special.

+100

Walk down by yourself or walk down with your future husband to be.

Don't walk down the aisle. Both of you can be standing at the front when guests walk in.

I love a non- traditional wedding. They are different and fun.

Can you ask your parents to do a reading or think of some other way they can participate?

Would it mean a lot to your dad? I'm another who's father is no longer with me. At my wedding I wasn't too crazy about it, but looking back I'm so happy I let him because of how important it was to him. Same with the father daughter dance.

I feel similarly to you about the tradition, and I do not have a great relationship with my dad. I have decided however to allow him to walk me as not doing so would be taken as a huge rejection to him and I don't want to deal with that drama. I did talk to our minister about removing the section of the ceremony about "giving" me away. Letting him walk me and take his seat gives him his moment, and I don't feel like a piece of chattel handed from one man to another.

Get married at City Hall and save your family and you the grief..

My two bits - My father walked me down the aisle. It meant a great deal to me, but more importantly, meant everything to him. Now that he is no longer alive, it is a memory I will cherish. Some people may view it as symbolic, but I don’t believe most people view this gesture as “giving away the daughter.” It is more a tradition.
I would not have had it any other way. The few moments while we were waiting at the back of the church were so, so special.

Can both families (parents and child) approach the alter from the sides at the same time to symbolize the union?

Perhaps find a way that doesn't adhere to the custom, but still involves your dad somehow. Whether that's both parents walking you down the aisle, or maybe your parents and your fiancé's parents all walk their respective child in. Or even just having parents do a reading or some other aspect of the ceremony.

I get not liking the idea of father handing over ownership of his daughter to her new husband, but getting rid of those unsavory associations doesn't need to come at the cost of your dad's involvement in the ceremony.

I've been to ceremonies where the couple has some other way of honoring their parents. One nice one I recall was having both sets of parents light a candle in the front in advance of the bride's processional. I think it was bride's parents lit a candle, then groom's parents lit a candle. The symbolism was the joining of two families through marriage. Really nice and not the usual 'giving away' custom.

No, you don't have to. When I walked, my parents walked down together first and turned to face the aisle when they reached the altar. Then there was a moment where the music changed and the curtain opened and I walked down alone, to them, and then we all walked together to my groom. What I really wanted was for them to have the moment of watching me walk down that aisle so that they could see me and I could see them. It was really beautiful if you ask me. HOWEVER if it will crush your dad to be denied that moment, maybe you'd want to rethink it. A lot of dad dream about walking their daughter down the aisle as soon as she's born. Mine was cool with it.

Maybe have both your patents walk you? If you don't have issues with him, it might really hurt his feelings to not do it.

Some people have both parents walk them down the aisle, or a friend or sibling (more usually when no parents are available).

If you're merely objecting to the tradition and not to your father, I would tell him that honestly. He'll probably be hurt, but will accept your beliefs. He may already suspect you feel this way, if he knows you well.