We declined the beach trip with the in-laws. Then we would have felt too badly about booking a separate beach trip so I never saw a grain of sand all summer. The in-laws came to us and it stunk. We tried to stay busy doing DC touristy stuff, but it was equally bad if not worse hosting them here than at the beach. I probably spent more on food and entertainment here than if we had rented a beach house too. I posted on one of the beach trip threads how everyone would be perfectly nice to my face at the beach, and then DH received an emailed list of grievances the day we got home. There were line-items complaining about our infant, toddler and me - ofcourse none about DH or any of the other young cousins. We didn't get an email this year, but I think they aired their grievances plenty while they were here. I honestly don't know what the answer is, but I can't spend time and money to get back grief anymore. I don't think they realize how hard I've tried to be part of their family and do things the way they want, and I'm sick of it and frankly very hurt. DH thinks their jerks, but not bad enough to cut them out of his life, and still wants them to see their grandkids, which involves me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are not alone!

I have come to realize that my MIL and IL's are not going to change, and therefor, not going to get any better. I have yet to figure out what to do with our extremely limited vacation time and people who "say" they want us there, yet do not exactly "show" they want us there.

What MIL wants is bragging rights, to say whether or not this person or that person attended. It gets really old, really quickly. I suppose if they had different personalities (or any personality, really), non-blood visitors would feel more welcome and enjoy themselves. At all.

This is what I'm facing for next year.

Oh no! PP here. We have been through this for years - TOO LONG! Please try to remember to check back and tell us if you have coping mechanisms (besides drinking). MIL is waiting for me to tell her off, and I won't give her the satisfaction She was a miserable hag well before I came along, frankly.

Anonymous wrote:My mil made comments about how it's inappropriate for to wear a bikini since I'm a mother now (I'm not yet even 30) and when dh and I went to play catch with a football she asked "who do you think you are, the Kennedy's?" She also kept saying I didn't know how to cook or she thought u couldn't and she wouldn't be eating anything I made, but then she'd gobble it up. Also I let my toddlers shirt, curly hair get messy. Oh and she's going to get molested by perverts since I put dd in a baby bikini. But I should let her wear one when she's 13 to attract boyfriends.

I could have used a vacation from my vacation.

OMG. Sending you much deserved hugs. Keep rocking that bikini - in spite of sourpuss MIL

My mil made comments about how it's inappropriate for to wear a bikini since I'm a mother now (I'm not yet even 30) and when dh and I went to play catch with a football she asked "who do you think you are, the Kennedy's?" She also kept saying I didn't know how to cook or she thought u couldn't and she wouldn't be eating anything I made, but then she'd gobble it up. Also I let my toddlers shirt, curly hair get messy. Oh and she's going to get molested by perverts since I put dd in a baby bikini. But I should let her wear one when she's 13 to attract boyfriends.

I could have used a vacation from my vacation.

Anonymous wrote:We are the family who ended up in Hawaii fighting over who got to stay inpatient with our little one on our hellish "vacation" years ago. Not sure if anyone remembers me but we had a great vacation AND you can get antibiotics OTC in the Dominican Republic.

We have sworn off far away beach vacations and my inlaws are now coming to us for the holidays in December. Thankfully we had enough piña coladas to keep me laughing.

I remember you! I love your attitude, and I wish you health and peace during your time hosting this winter.

No ILs (no longer living) but parent came to stay at our beach house for a week. No problems at all. We are there for an extended period though, and have visitors on and off during most of the summer.

We are the family who ended up in Hawaii fighting over who got to stay inpatient with our little one on our hellish "vacation" years ago. Not sure if anyone remembers me but we had a great vacation AND you can get antibiotics OTC in the Dominican Republic.

We have sworn off far away beach vacations and my inlaws are now coming to us for the holidays in December. Thankfully we had enough piña coladas to keep me laughing.

My In-law who don't have kids started screaming at me in a public place for "coddling" my SN kid and how it was embarrassing and clearly no one else has the guts to tell me the truth about my child. We have no plans to see them for a long time, or ever vacation with them again.

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are not alone!

I have come to realize that my MIL and IL's are not going to change, and therefor, not going to get any better. I have yet to figure out what to do with our extremely limited vacation time and people who "say" they want us there, yet do not exactly "show" they want us there.

What MIL wants is bragging rights, to say whether or not this person or that person attended. It gets really old, really quickly. I suppose if they had different personalities (or any personality, really), non-blood visitors would feel more welcome and enjoy themselves. At all.

This is what I'm facing for next year.

I did not plan to take a beach trip with the IL's. They decided to join us for a couple of days to spend some time with the kids. It was not terrible. But it was awkward. I am divorced (for years) and just feel weird about being on vacation with ex's parents. They kept asking about him as though he'd be walking in the door any moment. He didn't walk through the door of course. My boyfriend did though. The IL's left after a couple of days. They apologized for intruding. BF was a good sport, kept calling them the "out"laws. No harm done really although my ex was a little peeved.

I didn't start an IL beach thread but I commented on several. Ours was about as expected. DD (2yo) got HFM (not expected) and was grumpy and clingy for the second half of the trip. My MIL tried to win her affection by plying her with candy. DD told MIL multiple times in no uncertain terms, "I no want you, I want Mommy." When MIL ignored her and continued to shove candy and bribes in her face, DD told her "I no like you." I told DD "That's not nice, it hurts Grammy's feelings." MIL had an epic breakdown (seriously crying and screaming) that DD doesn't like her and DD and I were 'talking about her behind her back."
Then FIL screamed at MIL for letting her self concept be ruled by a two year old. Then DH screamed at me and said I must've said 'something' to set off his mother (he later apologized). Then I tried to clear the air with MIL and she laughed it off saying it was no big deal...but refused to speak directly to me for the remaining two days.
My side of the family (who we also saw on the trip) was no picnic either. I decided next year we are going on vacation by ourselves, even if it means going somewhere other than the beach.

OP, we are not alone!

I have come to realize that my MIL and IL's are not going to change, and therefor, not going to get any better. I have yet to figure out what to do with our extremely limited vacation time and people who "say" they want us there, yet do not exactly "show" they want us there.

What MIL wants is bragging rights, to say whether or not this person or that person attended. It gets really old, really quickly. I suppose if they had different personalities (or any personality, really), non-blood visitors would feel more welcome and enjoy themselves. At all.

*Asian, not Aduan. Jeez, phone!

Great idea for a post, OP!!

Did we ever hear from that South Aduan woman whose husband wanted about 12 of them to share a 2-bed/1-bath beach rental?!?

So many posts this summer about vacationing with the ILs. Anyone care to update us? Did it work out better or worse than expected? Learn anything to make future vacations easier? Any tips for everyone else?