I'm a female cyclist, and I've always been struck by the gender disparity at cycling events. Men don't have a problem having a hobby of their own, and their spouses seem to enable them to attend all day events. It sounds like the issue here is that there's no reciprocity, you don't have your own time to pursue an activity outside watching your kids. That's something you need to negotiate.

I'm guessing you are reaping the benefits of having a very fit, athletic sexual partner, at least?

Ugh, I feel for you. DH is training for a marathon, and we have a 3 month old. He tells me that his commitment his five hours a week, but he spends five hours out of the house related to his long run alone. I don't care of he exercises, but I hate the marathon crap. We have so much going on right now, and we both have demanding jobs. He doesn't need to put even more on me.

I feel for you, OP. I used to date a golfer and then I realized I could never marry one. I will never understand why grown people who are past their prime or any chance of actually being competitive spend so much time, energy, and money on something that isn't even good for them. In moderation, yes, exercise is great, but marathons are unhealthy. It's like a glaring metaphor for running away from something else in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That shit doesn't fly in my house. But clearly you have been enabling this if you are on kid 3 and he still thinks its ok.

I said it on another thread about this a while ago, and I still say it. You decide how you will be treated. If you don't like it, stop it.

And how is OP supposed to do that? Tie the laces of his running shoes together? Swap the Mile 24 sign for the Mile 1 sign?

Anonymous wrote:That shit doesn't fly in my house. But clearly you have been enabling this if you are on kid 3 and he still thinks its ok.

I said it on another thread about this a while ago, and I still say it. You decide how you will be treated. If you don't like it, stop it.

^ should read 'single weekend morning'

Yep, not okay. I did a tri last year, but did most of my workouts either after the kids were asleep, during 'work' hours (which I made up at night) or on a single weekday morning, which I tried to make up for by giving my spouse time 'off' at other points. Even with all that, I didn't feel like it was fair to do again this year so have cut down substantially until the kids are a bit older. I understand the desire to train for something, but also feel like there are points I life (like when kids are small) when that's just not in the cards.

That shit doesn't fly in my house. But clearly you have been enabling this if you are on kid 3 and he still thinks its ok.

Anonymous wrote:Do you get resentful of the time commitment?
We have three small children (including a 3 month old) and I can't help but feel that the time required is unfair to me.
The health benefits of running i get - but I am pretty sure you achieve the health benefits by running a few miles a few times a week. No marathons required. No out of town races required. No "theme" runs required.
I even understand the thrill of a race - but there are plenty of local ones!!
Today I ran myself ragged with 2 preschoolers plus baby, after a night with little sleep (baby woke up at 2), spouse returned at 7 pm and took a long bath and went to bed. Tomorrow spouse needs 2 hour massage for leg muscles.
Gimme a fucking break.

Your spouse is a self centered ass.

Signed,

A marathoner and triathlete

DH hates running....but I run and am currently training for a half marathon. Haven't trained for a full marathon since having kids, can't see how I would fit in the training. Like PP's DH I run at 5 am during the week, and my weekend long runs are my "me time" for the weekend. I don't get a massage for my recovery...ever. In fact lately I've been thinking how much I miss the days when I got a post-run nap.

All of that said...I'd say something to your DH. Running, golf, freaking Pokemon games...I think any activity that takes a parent away all weekend just isn't fair to the other parent.

Anonymous wrote:That would piss me off. DH runs marathons and we have a preschooler and infant. He runs at 5am during the week and is back before the older one is up. He does a long run on Saturdays and is home by 9am - he then takes the kids Sunday am for the same amount of time so I can exercise, sleep in, whatever.

This is what OP's husband needs to do.

Anonymous wrote:Do you get resentful of the time commitment?
We have three small children (including a 3 month old) and I can't help but feel that the time required is unfair to me.
The health benefits of running i get - but I am pretty sure you achieve the health benefits by running a few miles a few times a week. No marathons required. No out of town races required. No "theme" runs required.
I even understand the thrill of a race - but there are plenty of local ones!!
Today I ran myself ragged with 2 preschoolers plus baby, after a night with little sleep (baby woke up at 2), spouse returned at 7 pm and took a long bath and went to bed. Tomorrow spouse needs 2 hour massage for leg muscles.
Gimme a fucking break.

Girl you need to sit down with spouse and re-negotiate this. He can do one local marathon every other year until youngest is 6.

Yea, I know what you mean.

My husband gets home from work, stretches, and then goes out gor these epic long runs or bike rides. In the summer he swam and combined a gym workout.

The kids and I barely see him during waking hours. I tried arguing for him to wake up early and do it before work, but he's not a morning person (in fact he never did any night feedings...Frickin waste of pumping for me...bc he can't pull himself out of bed eEVer!).

I constantly give him the cold shoulder. He is so disengaged it makes my stomach hurt and my heart break for the kids.

Resentment can't even describe it.

It's been going on for a long time. The kids are 2, 4., 6 now. I often think of that cat Stevens song "cats in the cradle".

That would piss me off. DH runs marathons and we have a preschooler and infant. He runs at 5am during the week and is back before the older one is up. He does a long run on Saturdays and is home by 9am - he then takes the kids Sunday am for the same amount of time so I can exercise, sleep in, whatever.

Do you get resentful of the time commitment?
We have three small children (including a 3 month old) and I can't help but feel that the time required is unfair to me.
The health benefits of running i get - but I am pretty sure you achieve the health benefits by running a few miles a few times a week. No marathons required. No out of town races required. No "theme" runs required.
I even understand the thrill of a race - but there are plenty of local ones!!
Today I ran myself ragged with 2 preschoolers plus baby, after a night with little sleep (baby woke up at 2), spouse returned at 7 pm and took a long bath and went to bed. Tomorrow spouse needs 2 hour massage for leg muscles.
Gimme a fucking break.