Anonymous wrote:I am the primary care giver, even though we both work.
I think a separation is looming ahead, and I'm very sad.
Wondering if there is a way to stay in the house...
He's a lawyer - I think he wants me to pull the plug bc he knows I'll lose...

You'll lose what? The house?

Get a lawyer. Where are you? If you can't agree then your lawyer and history to work out the separation agreement. If they can't then you mediate. STBXH and I are both lawyers, and I still got one. I'm planning to move out because I don't want to stay while the process plays out (he's a super-angry explosive person) but once I tell him (this week) then I'll tell him I've already rented something and does he want to go there or should I? It's big enough for me to take the kids if he really explodes, and then my lawyer will be in court that day or the next morning. He's great at angry a-holes, too, especially lawyers, but he is not licensed in VA, just MD and DC. That's why I asked where you are.

Don't think of it as winning it losing. Figure out what you want and then get a bulldog lawyer who will help you get that but wise enough to counsel you it's not about winning or losing; it's about what your goals are and how to achieve the most you can towards them. For realistic goal setting, I highly recommend the book Mom's House, Dad's House. You can get it on Amazon and other places (I got it on my Kindle-a great place to have books like this hidden). Unless there are facts you aren't disclosing, such as you are a drunk who beats the kids, you will not "lose". Figure out what is best for you and the kids and then get a lawyer to help you achieve it.

Oh, and in the beginning I desperately wanted the house. Now I actually would rather be at my apartment for the fresh start, but I think disrupting the kids is a bad idea,so I am trying to see if I can stay in the house with them even though I don't want to. Nothing is forever, either. Good luck.

Is it possible that he would agree to move out if you talked rationally about it -- rather than kicking him out.

I went through a pretty horrible divorce (lying, perjury, hiding assets, etc.). Even with all that crap -- we were able to decide it would be best for him to move out initially.

The more you can work out yourselves, the better you will be. Do you have a good attorney? I really liked mine, and he was great at dealing with assholes!

*CORRECTION:

My first sentence was meant to say you could legally force him out if the home was deeded in your name only.....

I think the only way you could legally stay in the home would be if the home was deeded in your name only which it unlikely is.

If you live in a property state like CA, then that would also be unlikely.

So I am not getting a good feeling about this, unless of course there is physical abuse going on and you have children. Then you could file a protective order forcing him to leave the family home.

What are the circumstances? Why is separation looming? My DH was cheating and having a lot of other problems. Basically, after about a year and a half of therapy and trying to make it work, I sat down and said, "I know you're still cheating, I know X, Y and Z other things. Our relationship is over. I would like you to move out tomorrow. Please pack a bag tonight and find somewhere else to stay tomorrow. Once you know more about your new living situation, I will make time for you to come back and pack the rest of your things."

Confronted in such a black and white manner, DH just left.

What do you think you will "lose" and why?

I think you would need an order of protection against him.

I am the primary care giver, even though we both work.
I think a separation is looming ahead, and I'm very sad.
Wondering if there is a way to stay in the house...
He's a lawyer - I think he wants me to pull the plug bc he knows I'll lose...