I think some people are nervous as hosts and feel like bad hosts if they are not providing you with something.


Be a good guest and accept her hospitality!!

Has nothing to do with being "American" or not - it is whether you are a warm person or a cold person. Be warm!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some cultures it is rude to decline. What's your friend's background?

This. But not in American culture.

However, it insured in American culture for a host not to offer something. So she's doing the right thing. Just say no, thank you and repeat.

It is *rude

Anonymous wrote:In some cultures it is rude to decline. What's your friend's background?

This. But not in American culture.

However, it insured in American culture for a host not to offer something. So she's doing the right thing. Just say no, thank you and repeat.

In some cultures it is rude to decline. What's your friend's background?

Watch Big Bang Theory. The beverage isn't optional.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think accepting water is almost as rude as saying no. if they're offering coffee or tea or a glass of wine or anything that is simple/already made/you see it's out, then i think it is more polite to accept.

I can't drink many things other than water for health reasons. Don't judge people just bc they can't drink alcohol or caffeine or an acidic juice.

This: and I prefer not to have ice in the water because of health reasons so for years, I've simply said "no thank you" without explanations (people like to put ice the glass, it's complicated to explain, etc.,. etc.). Now I'm wondering whether people thought I was rude.....

For people who have significant dietary restrictions, btw, and prefer not to bore the world with tales of them, it's simply easier not to take food or drink other than water. I've generally either been at cocktail parties large enough that no one cares or smaller events at friends' homes where people have awareness that there's health stuff and respect my denial or, in a few cases, they've asked what I can have and offered to prepare it (i.e., in advance of a dinner party).

I do get what people are saying about feeling offended if someone declines their offerings.....It's a hard situation.

Anonymous wrote:i think accepting water is almost as rude as saying no. if they're offering coffee or tea or a glass of wine or anything that is simple/already made/you see it's out, then i think it is more polite to accept.

I don't like coffee, tea or alcohol. I do like water. It fits your criteria of being "simple" so I'm not sure why you think it's rude to accept/ask for water.

Anonymous wrote:i think accepting water is almost as rude as saying no. if they're offering coffee or tea or a glass of wine or anything that is simple/already made/you see it's out, then i think it is more polite to accept.

I can't drink many things other than water for health reasons. Don't judge people just bc they can't drink alcohol or caffeine or an acidic juice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some people find it rude.

Some people find it rude and respond by being pushy, which can be see and rude.

Vicious cycle.

Accept the the canape the first time round then dump it in the ficus when she's not looking.

Vicious cycle indeed. My inlaws still talk about guests who declined beverages 10 years ago. It's like they take it personally--you're not just declining this drink, you're rejecting them.

i think accepting water is almost as rude as saying no. if they're offering coffee or tea or a glass of wine or anything that is simple/already made/you see it's out, then i think it is more polite to accept.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some people find it rude.

Some people find it rude and respond by being pushy, which can be see and rude.

Vicious cycle.

Accept the the canape the first time round then dump it in the ficus when she's not looking.

I don't think so, I wouldn't be if a guest said no. but I got the distinct impression that I was offending a mom who was hosting us for a play date when I declined both food and drink. I finally said I'd have some water.

Just ask for a glass of water when you get there so if she asks again you can indicate your glass as if you're still working on it.

It's not so much that it's rude to decline, but that it's polite to offer food/drink to guests and in general everyone knows to accept SOMETHING.

I generally put out some things to nibble on (grapes, cheese & crackers, nuts) and then ask "What would you like to drink? I have blah, blah and blah."

Yes, some people find it rude.

I have a friend and every time I am at her home she is non stop asking if I want food, drinks, etc. I say no thanks but she keeps offering until I finally say "yes I'll have a piece of watermelon".