I would say that as a personal policy I don't mix business with friends or family and that includes being a reference for family members where I work. Business and pre-existing personal relationships rarely mix well. Also, I can't see that your workplace would give a reference from a family member for another family member any weight. The expectation is that you'd say glowing things about them.

Anonymous wrote:I would say you have to be honest about him being a fiance. you can NOT be a reference for family and that's the nature of your relationship.

you can't misrepresnt that. forget about him. say you are sorry but you just can't. offer to put in a good word, but tell him to find another means or reference.

don't make it about him. that will NEVER go over well.

This!

Are you the OP of the other thread about the niece's 40yo fiancé who makes specialized comments to you?

I would do what PP suggests and tell him you can't, and give him several examples.

I would say you have to be honest about him being a fiance. you can NOT be a reference for family and that's the nature of your relationship.

you can't misrepresnt that. forget about him. say you are sorry but you just can't. offer to put in a good word, but tell him to find another means or reference.

don't make it about him. that will NEVER go over well.

You haven't actually worked with him, right? I would tell niece & her fiance that you can't be his work reference because you have never worked with him.

You need to speak directly to him, alone, and tell him you're really sorry but you can't give him a reference because he makes inappropriate comments all the time and your reputation is on the line.

And I can't give him one. He is inappropriate and makes constant off-colour remarks. The company I work for gives preference to people referred for anything by current employees, but I'm not putting my name on the line.

That said, what do I say to him/her?