I can relate op. I concur that CBT is a good idea. I have a crushing internal monologue that just won't stop. Self loathing, to put it mildly.

Good luck and congrats on taking the first step.

He'll is having made mistakes and being unable to correct them.

Kudos to you for recognizing and acknowledging the issue, that is half the battle!

Thanks, all. I agree that this isn't normal, but it's something that I hadn't stepped back and looked at in a while. I appreciate all the advice and would love recommendations for therapists if anyone has one.

I get the same way. I know how hard you are on yourself and how difficult it is for your DH and kids. I'm glad you've posted because it really doesn't need to be this way. CBT with a good professional can really help you manage this. You probably won't be able to extinguish this behavior but you can learn to manage it so it doesn't flare like it does - damaging you and damaging your relationships. It will also be helpful to learn the CBT techniques and teach some of them to your kids. They're useful skills for many situations, not just those that people like us blow up and turn into huge, crushing, overwhelming events.

FWIW - I don't think you're really thinking of killing yourself but it it's not healthy, even in those brief moments, to have suicidal ideation. The problem is that if you don't interrupt these cycles, they could actually lead to suicide or self-injurious behavior (research backs me up on this). I've seen someone describe it as a feedback loop that strengthens and reinforces itself. It just get worse and more difficult to interrupt over time. Learning CBT won't be a years long endeavor but it will take years of using the techniques to get you past this habit. Until you can find a therapist, you can use Dr. Google to get you started. Hugs.

This is pretty extreme behavior. You want to kill yourself because you forget your child needed to go to practice? I doubt anyone can say yep, they have been there. Get help

Cognitive behavior therapy by a clinical psychologist.

Call a therapist today. You are torturing yourself and your family. This requires a serious commitment with a good mental health professional. As PP has suggested above, cognitive behavioral therapy might be the way to go. Start there.

LIFE DOES NOT NEED TO BE THIS HARD.

I think CBT therapy is appropriate here. The feedback loop you have set up is really a killer. You can't even deal with the situation at hand -- missing a practice -- because you are so caught up in your internal drama of self-loathing. You need to interrupt this and get off the pity pot.

Please seek professional help ASAP. Suicidal thoughts over forgetting something is not healthy.

I think therapy could help you. It seems like your big issue is perspective. A kid missed a sport, so you wanted to kill yourself? That's. Out of proportion.

Does anyone else have a lot of trouble admitting/letting go of mistakes? Whenever I realize I have done something wrong, I am flooded with regret/pain and self-loathing. It is n't fair to DH, because often I will lash out at him for "the way he said that" when he points out an error, but the teality is that there is no way for him to bring up anything i have done wrong that won't feel like he hates me. He is out of town this week and just asked how DC enjoyed X practice, which caused me to realize that I forgot. DH was a little worried/annoyed because they really needed to be at the first one this week, and I immediately shut down. I spent the next half-hour sobbing and wishing I could kill myself so that I wouldn't have to deal with constantly being a failure.

Objectively, I know this is insane behavior, but these emotions are so strong.