See if her doctor can do it. That is what we did with my MIL. DMV gave her the option to come in and retake the driving test after the report was submitted. She chose to surrender her license.

Another BTDT (also in MA.) If you have contact with the relative's doctor, you can suggest that they request an evaluation. We did one with my dad presuming he would pass; instead he failed. The failure is reported THAT DAY to the DMV and the license is revoked (although we had about a 6 week grace period to come up with a plan and get him a non-driving ID.) Honestly it should be the law that all elderly drivers are reevaluated periodically; we were responsible caring kids and really believed our dad was safe to drive at least in his small hometown. We were dead wrong, and as hard as it was I'm so grateful we only had to deal with the crisis of finding him drivers rather than deal with an accident that he caused.

BTW the whole episode precipitated us finding him a wonderful retirement community and helped convince him to move from his home of 45 years. I only wish we'd done that sooner - he wound up so much happier despite everyone's expectations to the contrary.

We did this with my grandfather (Alzheimer's). I'm not sure of all the legal details but somehow my dad also took possession of his car/keys before his license was taken away because the process took a little time and he needed to be off the road immediately.

When my grandmother (other side) stopped driving it was because an enterprising young man in her very small town started a business ferrying around elderly folks to doctors appointments, shopping, bridge, etc. All my grandmother's friends used him too and it became a social thing. They also loved that he drove a red convertible! While such an option may not exist for your relative, I would recommend contacting her local senior center to find out about transportation options for non-drivers. Make sure she knows what resources are available so she can continue to get out and about.

13:29 here. I have called my Dad's physicians in the past for just about everything. My dad is an alcoholic, my mom an enabler and both are liars. Rather than be forthright with their doctors, they prefer to be medical mysteries and have expensive tests run, incorrect diagnoses and meds given, etc.

Someone has to intervene, especially when this is a driver who is lethal.

Good luck!

My mom is still a very alert safe driver at 89, but I know that could suddenly change. I make a point of driving with her every time I see her.

You could also get her physician involved. We did this with my father who has dementia. Prior to a routine appointment with his neurologist, I (adult child) called and spoke to the doctor and expressed my concern that Dad was still driving. The doctor put in writing that his neuro eval results (and meds) indicated that he was no longer fit to hold a drivers license. We sold his car to remove temptation.

We had to do this with our father. The local Sheriff was very helpful and kind. It was the only way to get him off the road.

Does she have any nearby kin who can help her during the transition?

I had to do this for my dad. He had Alzheimer's and just wasn't safe to drive. It was a crushing decision because my mom had passed away and he had to rely on caregivers and others to drive him everywhere but we just couldn't risk it. Each state is different, it looks like you already researched what it takes in Mass to have a license revoked. My dad was in CO where I couldn't ask the DMV to revoke his license - it has to be a medical professional. His doctor didn't want to inform the DMV because he was afraid my dad would be mad at him and either stop seeing him or stop being forthright with him, but I insisted. It got to the point where I essentially had to threaten his doctor that if he refused to inform the DMV and my dad got into an accident, we would widely publicize that the doctor not only knew he was impaired but consciously chose not to contact the DMV (which was his obligation). I hated strong-arming the doctor but really, he could have been the guy who stepped on the gas instead of the brake and killed a dozen people.

Once the DMV was informed, they made my dad take a test, which he of course failed. His license was immediately suspended, but he had the opportunity to continue to try and take the test. For at least six months my dad studied and took the test and studied and took the test. I remember him telling me how he felt the questions were deceptive, any excuse other than the fact that he simply did not have the mental capacity to drive any longer. In our situation, I don't think my dad ever knew his doctor turned him in. He just got a letter from the DMV telling him to show up for a test and he did. Now, my dad THOUGHT it was my brother who turned him in (throughout the disease he unfortunately blamed my brother for all sorts of things) and no matter how many times we told him otherwise, he continued to believe my brother did it to him. Eventually, he progressed in the disease and forgot all about it, but that was a tough year or year and a half.

It sounds like your relative is a little more "with-it" intellectually and may very well go down the path of insisting who turned her in. You could talk with her doctor. Even if you don't have medical power of attorney, you can discuss your concerns with her doctor, the doc just can't tell you anything back. But perhaps her doctor would be willing to send the letter. Something to consider.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Of course it is the right thing to do, but that doesn't make it any less painful. Hugs.

It is not just an anonymous call - I'd have to submit a signed form stating the reasons she needs to be evaluated. She would have the ability to find out that I was the one who recommended her as an unsafe driver. Not the biggest deal, but it's not quite as easy as a phone call.

Thanks for those of you who have weighed in. I know I have to do something. Just wondered if anyone out there has been through a similiar exercise with a relative. In an ideal world, I'd like to convince her to give up on driving on her own (I think she'd be less likely to fall into depression if she makes this decision herself rather than have it forced upon her) but I also know we must address this immediately.

OP, now that you've put it out there in the web sphere, you have to call.

Do the right thing and call.

I question how well the AARP Driver Safety programs work. It's not that they don't know driver safety, it's that their mind and physical abilities are failing them. I fear that these programs just keep unsafe drivers on the road.

Anonymous wrote:An elderly relative is an unsafe driver and has been in several accidents. I'm terrified that she is going to kill someone - or herself - in her next accident. I've talked with her about our concern that she stop driving, but she is very resistant and I'm pretty sure she will continue to drive. I'm thinking about reporting her to the DMV for her state (Massachusetts) so that she is required to take another road test or something like that. I suspect she'd fail any road test and lose her license. She has enough money to rely on car services for the rest of her life.

I'm also worried that losing her license/ability to drive this will send her into a depression, with which she has struggled her whole life. But I fear the need to protect her and other people is paramount, at this point.

Has anyone ever done this for an elderly relative?

I'm worried that her killing one of MY loved ones will send ME into depression. Do the right thing for society and report it to the DMV.

Please do. I was running a couple of weeks ago and an elderly driver came within 2 inches of hitting me because she didn't stop for a stop sign while I was crossing the road with my daughter in the jogging stroller. (I didn't have a stop sign, and I was in the crosswalk.) If I hadn't been able to speed up my pace, I would have been hit.

It terrified me. I memorized her license plate number and called it in when I got home. I work for the AARP, and we have Driver Safety programs, so I asked if the police could call her or pay her a visit and get her into a program like that, or get her to the DMV for testing.

An elderly relative is an unsafe driver and has been in several accidents. I'm terrified that she is going to kill someone - or herself - in her next accident. I've talked with her about our concern that she stop driving, but she is very resistant and I'm pretty sure she will continue to drive. I'm thinking about reporting her to the DMV for her state (Massachusetts) so that she is required to take another road test or something like that. I suspect she'd fail any road test and lose her license. She has enough money to rely on car services for the rest of her life.

I'm also worried that losing her license/ability to drive this will send her into a depression, with which she has struggled her whole life. But I fear the need to protect her and other people is paramount, at this point.

Has anyone ever done this for an elderly relative?