Anonymous wrote:I'd skip the trip. Why'd you give in?

I agree. And I went to FL on a plane with my full term 7 week old. No WAY would I do this trip.

Yeah. My friend was due with her first in the first week of November and was planning to host Thanksgiving. I told her she was crazy and to change plans immediately. She had every rationale why it was not crazy. Her husband was cooking. Her mom would be there to help. It was a disaster. She told me later she had *no* idea how bad it would be and she had a really easy baby.

In your case, maybe the stay with family won't be bad. There are families where a newborn comes home to 11 and 12 year old boy siblings. Maybe the stay will be a good thing. With so many people around, I highly recommend pumping or buying a can of formula and letting others feed and change diapers and that you work on sleeping 15 hours per day.

However, I have a hard time imagining that a houseful of people including tween boys will be quiet enough while the baby is sleeping. I have a hard time believing that your husband will be appropriately focused on you and the baby and what you need with all that family around. I suspect that this trip is his way of throwing down the gauntlet that the baby *will not change not change your lives and that you will not become the freaks that he has seen other people turn into when they have a child*.

I am not a germaphobe. The lack of flu shots wouldn't and didn't phase me when I had a baby. One of my parents is a doctor who says the most dangerous place to be germ wise is in a hospital. Said parent emphasizes good hand washing hygiene and sleeping methods to prevent the transfer of germs and immune system support. And, honestly, I forgot to ask people to wash their hands half the time. No one will fault you for being "that mom" who makes everyone wash their hands before handling the baby. And ask everyone to have a flu shot before they come for Thanksgiving. It can't hurt to ask. If everyone has had a flu shot, that should give the baby as much herd immunity as possible.

The thing that I would be most concerned about it is the drive. I have spent my life driving back and forth to Upstate NY. We have family all over that area. In holiday traffic, hell in Friday night summer traffic, it can be a nightmare. What if you get a baby who hates the car seat and screams every time you put him in it. It is a phase that won't last long, but that is exactly the kind of thing that happens on a drive like this one. You will need to stop and feed the baby and do diaper changes. You can't take him out of the car seat while the car is moving. Some newer moms can give you an idea of how long a feeding plus diaper change takes. And let's assume everything goes swimmingly with feeding that you don't have any reflux issues, that baby has a good latch and can feed efficiently, that you don't have any problems with breast feeding if that is what you are doing. If you have even one feeding difficulty, the whole process takes longer and is not improved by you having to improvise. I can say that early on when I was trying to breastfeed, I couldn't do it with any shirt on. I had to be half naked even to try. I had a really hard time breast feeding and I had a summer baby so I could be half naked in my own home.

I wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of illness. I would have been flipped out about the logistical nightmare. I think unless your husband has an epiphany about the prospect for disaster that you are going on this trip. If I were you, I would be furious and I have plenty of things to say about how to act on that anger with none of them being healthy or productive.

My pedi is willing to give the 8w/2month shots at 6w...definitely try for that.

Do get your DH to ask your family to get their boosters/flu shots. Don't let people hold the baby, wear him or her in carrier mostly.

It all probably will be fine, but I understand and share your anxiety over such things.

Here's the problem with this forum. The people who respond are the ones who find this sort of thing difficult. Since this is your first, maybe you'll find yourself like your SILs instead of like the PPs.

I took an 8 hr car trip with my first DS when he was 6 weeks old. My father was dying and there was no option to delay. Granted, there were no other germy kids around, but it was still a challenge. The trip took a couple hours longer than normal (8 hrs vs 6 hrs) because of stopping to feed and change and just get the baby out of the car seat for a bit. It was hard but it was doable. If your baby is full term, I wouldn't think weight would be an issue. Just tell everyone upfront to stay away if they are sick and that everyone needs vaccine boosters before you will come. If they are insistent that you come and they get to see the baby, then they will do their part to keep him safe.

Privately ask the doctor about this. Flu season, new baby, lots of people, some not having a flu shot. See what the doctor says. If doctor says no, then you can have the doctor tell DH it's not a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to fight this battle now and you don't have to be leading the charge when it is time. Have the pediatrician do it after the baby comes. Hell, the OB/GYN can probably lay the ground work on the advisability of Thanksgiving plans regardless of having a low birth weight baby. When the baby comes, you'll be going to the pediatrician a lot (for a baby with no complications, 1 week visit, 2 week visit, 4 week visit, 8 week visit, etc. For a baby with complications, more than that). It'll be far less arguable coing from the pediatrician.

Aside from the low birth weight issue, your DH clearly has no idea how your (his and yours) world is going to be turn upside down by this baby. For a first baby, I wouldn't be making any assumptions about what you'll be doing for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Thanks.

I already asked him if he would change his mind if the pediatrician said not to go and he said, "This is ridiculous. What did people do before these 2 month shots? If someone is around and has outward signs of a cold or flu, we'll tell them not to touch the baby. How hard is this?!" It's not helping that everyone in his family has had at least 2 kids and thinks I'm being overprotective.

Agreed that the OB could help. I'll ask her to help next time I'm with her alone. The problem is she wont be around too much after the baby is born (except for the one or two postpartum checkups which I doubt he'll come to since he has a terrible commute to work). Honestly, I think if the pediatrician is against us going for Thanksgiving, we wont be seeing her again. DH is a real family man, which is wonderful, but he's already seeing it as me against them and I don't know how to prevent that. Another complicating factor is that my parents are local and we see each other constantly, so I think DH feels left out and like he doesn't have the same benefit with his family. I really love his family and we get along great, but this is a real sticking issue for me.

Wait until you have the baby. You won't be going on this trip. I promise. A 7 hour car trip with an infant will easily take 10 hours with probably 3 or 4 hours of screaming.

You don't need to fight this battle now and you don't have to be leading the charge when it is time. Have the pediatrician do it after the baby comes. Hell, the OB/GYN can probably lay the ground work on the advisability of Thanksgiving plans regardless of having a low birth weight baby. When the baby comes, you'll be going to the pediatrician a lot (for a baby with no complications, 1 week visit, 2 week visit, 4 week visit, 8 week visit, etc. For a baby with complications, more than that). It'll be far less arguable coing from the pediatrician.

Aside from the low birth weight issue, your DH clearly has no idea how your (his and yours) world is going to be turn upside down by this baby. For a first baby, I wouldn't be making any assumptions about what you'll be doing for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:No decisions like this should be made before the baby is born. Your husband has NO F-ING IDEA what life with a newborn is like if he's insisting on this trip. Hopefully once it's not abstract anymore he will get a clue and you can skip it.

Yes, I'm hoping you're right. He's really sweet but doesn't get to see his family much and Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. Also, he has two sisters who have kids who have already told him it's "not a big deal."

Anonymous wrote:No way should you go. Tell DH you have reconsidered--better yet, have the perinatologist and any peds you interview tell him.

Is setting boundaries with the ILs a larger problem? Or does DH just need a smack in the head about newborn reality? I would highly recommend taking a baby care class together.

We took a babycare class together yesterday. There was nothing substantive re: shots.

No decisions like this should be made before the baby is born. Your husband has NO F-ING IDEA what life with a newborn is like if he's insisting on this trip. Hopefully once it's not abstract anymore he will get a clue and you can skip it.

No way should you go. Tell DH you have reconsidered--better yet, have the perinatologist and any peds you interview tell him.

Is setting boundaries with the ILs a larger problem? Or does DH just need a smack in the head about newborn reality? I would highly recommend taking a baby care class together.

I'd skip the trip. Why'd you give in?

Our DC is due in October. In addition to my generalist OB, we've seen two perinatologists about possible growth restriction (apparent DC is just constitutionally small, thank goodness, and will be born hopefully full term but very tiny, which is rather odd since none of us are tiny or were tiny babies). In any event, DH is insistent we travel to upstate NY for Thanksgiving to see his family (about 7 hours from where we live without traffic) when DC will be approximately 7 weeks old (assuming he goes full term). While I don't think driving 7 hours with a 7 week old is ideal under any circumstances, I've given in. We will be staying with and in close quarters with about 15 people, two of whom are 11 and 12 year old boys. I'm not sure if they get flu shots or not, but our DC will only be 7 weeks and will not have received his flu shots yet. Am I out of line to be stressing this? Should I push the ped to give the flu shots early? I'm just concerned given that our DC will already be so tiny. Thoughts?