Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
I totally get being a phase of not wanting to have sex as much as usual. We all go through that but all the freakin time?
I don't even think he pleasures himself which makes me worry about his health.
Isn't sexual release an important bodily function?

It's the drugs and alcohol. Can he substain and you can see if it improves? My husband almost always chooses alcohol over sex with me and I'm used to it. I don't fight it anymore.

He definitely chooses that over me too it feels like. Especially since the same time we'd be having sex is after kids in bed and he's already drinking.
Are you just going to accept it? It's starting to feel like a deal breaker for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
I totally get being a phase of not wanting to have sex as much as usual. We all go through that but all the freakin time?
I don't even think he pleasures himself which makes me worry about his health.
Isn't sexual release an important bodily function?

It's the drugs and alcohol. Can he substain and you can see if it improves? My husband almost always chooses alcohol over sex with me and I'm used to it. I don't fight it anymore.

*abstain

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
I totally get being a phase of not wanting to have sex as much as usual. We all go through that but all the freakin time?
I don't even think he pleasures himself which makes me worry about his health.
Isn't sexual release an important bodily function?

It's the drugs and alcohol. Can he substain and you can see if it improves? My husband almost always chooses alcohol over sex with me and I'm used to it. I don't fight it anymore.

Op here.
I totally get being a phase of not wanting to have sex as much as usual. We all go through that but all the freakin time?
I don't even think he pleasures himself which makes me worry about his health.
Isn't sexual release an important bodily function?

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe he's like me (a female) and just has a low sex drive I'm not pathological and I don't need to be fixed

That said, op and op's DH clearly need some pointed communication about their mismatch because it is putting stress on their relationship. No argument there (op -- I'd recommend a handful of sessions with a counselor who serves as a neutral facilitator). But I'm so sick of DCUM deciding that any adult who doesn't want to fuck several times a week for a decade or more is sick and damaged.

I think anyone who doesn't want to fuck several times a week is pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe he's like me (a female) and just has a low sex drive I'm not pathological and I don't need to be fixed

That said, op and op's DH clearly need some pointed communication about their mismatch because it is putting stress on their relationship. No argument there (op -- I'd recommend a handful of sessions with a counselor who serves as a neutral facilitator). But I'm so sick of DCUM deciding that any adult who doesn't want to fuck several times a week for a decade or more is sick and damaged.

So are you saying that when/if they go to therapy, it would be totally irrelevant to bring up his consumption of alcohol and marijuana?

Or maybe he's like me (a female) and just has a low sex drive I'm not pathological and I don't need to be fixed

That said, op and op's DH clearly need some pointed communication about their mismatch because it is putting stress on their relationship. No argument there (op -- I'd recommend a handful of sessions with a counselor who serves as a neutral facilitator). But I'm so sick of DCUM deciding that any adult who doesn't want to fuck several times a week for a decade or more is sick and damaged.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh that makes sense then with the frequency of his consumption.
I don't think he will be able to give it up though....

Would it affect his libido so much that he would seem totally disinterested in sex though?

Absolutely. If he is self-medicating for depression, then yes. Lack of sex drive is a common symptom of depression. Deal with the alcohol and marijuana, and my guess is that a lot will improve in many areas.

How much is he using and how often?

Ugh that makes sense then with the frequency of his consumption.
I don't think he will be able to give it up though....

Would it affect his libido so much that he would seem totally disinterested in sex though?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, this makes me think to ask - does alcohol and marijuana affect testosterone?

Not sure but those can definitely decrease a man'a sex drive

Absolutely yes to that!

Anonymous wrote:OP here, this makes me think to ask - does alcohol and marijuana affect testosterone?

Not sure but those can definitely decrease a man'a sex drive

OP here, this makes me think to ask - does alcohol and marijuana affect testosterone?

My guess is that you would probably have a better shot with checking his testosterone levels than therapy.

Meant to say DH's sex drive never matched mine

Together 10+ years with 2 kids. Dh has never matched mine. He is fine with going weeks or even months without it.
I just can't deal anymore. I'd be happy with at least once a week. Always says it's stress and work etc....
I just don't even ask anymore and so it's been several months of no intimacy.
Anyone find therapy hElpful with something like this?

I don't want someone to feel forced to want to be with me sexually. In addition, I prefer a man who is more aggressive in bed.
is therapy even worth it for this or do I need to accept this is how it will be and move on from there?

Thanks in advance