Anonymous wrote:second guesses me all the time. If she has asked me to research something or take care of some task, she needs to let me take care of it and not start to try to micromanage. For example, I have been charged with finding a driving school for our DD. I have researched several, got recommendations from friends and now that I have settled on one, DW wants me to "look some more." She does this all the time and it is frustrating. When I tell her that if she wanted to do it "her way" she should do it herself, she gets angry at me.

So what was her reason? Was it valid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does that too. Especially when it's something involving research. My advice is to do the research and hire that driving school before you talk to her again.

When you research then talk to her, it comes off as an employee/boss relationship. Like you are an underling presenting your findings for a decision to be made. Make the decision and inform her later that it's done.

Well said. My DH cuts multimillion dollar deals daily. He makes his boss and his client happy in doing so. He is married to me. If he knows what makes people at work happy, why would I be any different. There should be no reason why he can't book the marriott or the Hilton. I don't care which one he books or if he books the holiday inn --- just do it!

Way to shoehorn your husband's income into a totally unrelated thread, PP!

OP: DH and I do this to each other sometimes too. We've adjusted to this natural mutual tendency by splitting the labor by respective strength/level of caring. He is obsessed with flight schedules and layovers and plane types, so he researches and books the flights. I'm extremely particular about the location and amenities and overall vibe of hotels and restaurants, etc., so I research and book those. He researches the cars and electronics; I do the baby gear and appliances and other home stuff. Sounds sexist I guess, but it works for us - our strengths and interests just really do naturally fall along typical gender lines. Maybe try that?

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing things if she complains about how you do them.

My DH make the mistake of complaining about how I put his laundry away. He did his own laundry for quite some time, until he told me that he did not care how it was done. I also learned not to complain about the way he does dishes.

Sometimes people can only learn from consequences. If you've tried the "do it yourself" conversation (hopefully a little nicer) and she doesn't get it, she needs to see what it is like. Even in perfect marriages, we all have issues like this. At the end of the day, if this is the biggest problem you have, that bodes well for your relationship.

My husband ALWAYS used to tell me "the right way" to cut vegetables etc. I used to get upset, but then I started to say "ok, here's the knife, you can finish since you aren't doing anything else" and I'll move onto the next thing on my list. He rarely does the micromanaging thing now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does that too. Especially when it's something involving research. My advice is to do the research and hire that driving school before you talk to her again.

When you research then talk to her, it comes off as an employee/boss relationship. Like you are an underling presenting your findings for a decision to be made. Make the decision and inform her later that it's done.

Well said. My DH cuts multimillion dollar deals daily. He makes his boss and his client happy in doing so. He is married to me. If he knows what makes people at work happy, why would I be any different. There should be no reason why he can't book the marriott or the Hilton. I don't care which one he books or if he books the holiday inn --- just do it!

Then we get the threads about how my husband makes decisions without consulting me....

Op doesn't say he in any way presented his findings for her to make a decision. He said he decided on one and she told him to keep looking.

Anonymous wrote:My husband does that too. Especially when it's something involving research. My advice is to do the research and hire that driving school before you talk to her again.

When you research then talk to her, it comes off as an employee/boss relationship. Like you are an underling presenting your findings for a decision to be made. Make the decision and inform her later that it's done.

Well said. My DH cuts multimillion dollar deals daily. He makes his boss and his client happy in doing so. He is married to me. If he knows what makes people at work happy, why would I be any different. There should be no reason why he can't book the marriott or the Hilton. I don't care which one he books or if he books the holiday inn --- just do it!

My husband does that too. Especially when it's something involving research. My advice is to do the research and hire that driving school before you talk to her again.

When you research then talk to her, it comes off as an employee/boss relationship. Like you are an underling presenting your findings for a decision to be made. Make the decision and inform her later that it's done.

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing things if she complains about how you do them.

My DH make the mistake of complaining about how I put his laundry away. He did his own laundry for quite some time, until he told me that he did not care how it was done. I also learned not to complain about the way he does dishes.

+1

Great advice.

I showed my husband your post and we just laughed. It sounds like I have a lot in common with your wife.

She sounds a bit abusive and controlling. Getting angry at you because you don't do as she tells you or because you respond to her unreasonable requests?

Is she generally a controlling person?

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing things if she complains about how you do them.

My DH make the mistake of complaining about how I put his laundry away. He did his own laundry for quite some time, until he told me that he did not care how it was done. I also learned not to complain about the way he does dishes.

This, IMHO, is the recipe for a happy marriage.

Stop doing things if she complains about how you do them.

My DH make the mistake of complaining about how I put his laundry away. He did his own laundry for quite some time, until he told me that he did not care how it was done. I also learned not to complain about the way he does dishes.

Holy crap I would be so excited if my DH actually did any research on anything related to our DD that I would go with absolutely whatever you came up with.

The thing is that couples have to either do it themselves or be happy with the jobs our partners do. We will never marry our exact selves. Our partners will always have a different take on what we thought were clear directions. To hold critical our exceptions is to doom our marriage.

--one critical wife.

And, my partner can be equally critical. So funny that we are the same person. Critical and so messy. I hope we one day both see the irony and embrace life.

Say you will, but don't and come back with the same one.

second guesses me all the time. If she has asked me to research something or take care of some task, she needs to let me take care of it and not start to try to micromanage. For example, I have been charged with finding a driving school for our DD. I have researched several, got recommendations from friends and now that I have settled on one, DW wants me to "look some more." She does this all the time and it is frustrating. When I tell her that if she wanted to do it "her way" she should do it herself, she gets angry at me.