Anonymous
Post 08/21/2014 13:03     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:Your SIL is at least harmless.

Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched.


I don't think you intended for this to come off as rude, but something about it rubs me the wrong way. Mental illness is real illness, not something to joke about.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2014 12:46     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:Your SIL is at least harmless.

Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched.


Here's one problem: my younger niece is starting to be a serious drama queen, because she needs attention to make up for what she's not getting from her mother. My children are confused by this acting out. How do I explain that dynamic?
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2014 12:44     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you having this woman to your house for "more than a few days"? You should have short visits with her, or get them a hotel to ease the awkwardness. Same for your visits with them.

I think your kids are old enough to understand the general concept of mental illness as illness and how to treat people this way (with compassion but not necessarily trying to help them unless they are ready to receive help).

If your BIL reaches out to you, you should help, and you sound genuinely concerned. But it's probably not something you can do to get him to that point.


Because BIL and my FIL and MIL all refuse to acknowledge the severity of the illness and would be offended at the hotel idea, either for them or us.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2014 12:43     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:How about something like "I don't know why. That's how she is, I guess. Some folks are more into conversation than others."


But that's deflection. Aren't 11 and 13 year olds old enough to get a watered down version of the truth?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 21:44     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your SIL is at least harmless.

Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched.


Not harmless if she's got kids still living at home.


Oh, you are right. I missed that OP says she doesn't care for her kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:07     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:Your SIL is at least harmless.

Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched.


Not harmless if she's got kids still living at home.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 18:21     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Your SIL is at least harmless.

Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:58     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Has your husband asked his brother if there's something he can do to help?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:49     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
OP, why are you having this woman to your house for "more than a few days"? You should have short visits with her, or get them a hotel to ease the awkwardness. Same for your visits with them.

I think your kids are old enough to understand the general concept of mental illness as illness and how to treat people this way (with compassion but not necessarily trying to help them unless they are ready to receive help).

If your BIL reaches out to you, you should help, and you sound genuinely concerned. But it's probably not something you can do to get him to that point.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:24     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband's brother's wife. It's become apparent over the last two years that she has a mental illness. I don't know what it is nor has BIL shared, but it's evident. She has one topic of conversation, and she'll go hours without interacting with anyone, including her children. She's very emotionally removed, and oblivious to the work her mental absence causes everyone else. She doesn't want to do anything, and doesn't care for her kids. I don't know how to treat her and it's very awkward visiting their house or having her for more than a couple days in mine.

Any BTDT suggestions?


It's not your problem, it's your BIL's. I know it is annoying, but really, you need to leave them alone.


My kids are 11 amd 13. What do I tell my kids when they ask when she doesn't participate in conversations, even if directly addressed, and why she talks about nothing but the End Days?


Why would you not tell them the truth in a nonjudgmental way? Mental illness is everywhere and ignoring it will just teach your children that the behaviour of mentally ill people is wrong and shameful.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:20     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
How about something like "I don't know why. That's how she is, I guess. Some folks are more into conversation than others."
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 14:51     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband's brother's wife. It's become apparent over the last two years that she has a mental illness. I don't know what it is nor has BIL shared, but it's evident. She has one topic of conversation, and she'll go hours without interacting with anyone, including her children. She's very emotionally removed, and oblivious to the work her mental absence causes everyone else. She doesn't want to do anything, and doesn't care for her kids. I don't know how to treat her and it's very awkward visiting their house or having her for more than a couple days in mine.

Any BTDT suggestions?


It's not your problem, it's your BIL's. I know it is annoying, but really, you need to leave them alone.


My kids are 11 amd 13. What do I tell my kids when they ask when she doesn't participate in conversations, even if directly addressed, and why she talks about nothing but the End Days?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 14:51     Subject: Re:Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
I disagree with PP. It is family and families help each other. All you can do at this point is let your BIL know that if he needs help, he can come to you. Beyond that there isn't much you can do.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 14:49     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
Anonymous wrote:My husband's brother's wife. It's become apparent over the last two years that she has a mental illness. I don't know what it is nor has BIL shared, but it's evident. She has one topic of conversation, and she'll go hours without interacting with anyone, including her children. She's very emotionally removed, and oblivious to the work her mental absence causes everyone else. She doesn't want to do anything, and doesn't care for her kids. I don't know how to treat her and it's very awkward visiting their house or having her for more than a couple days in mine.

Any BTDT suggestions?


It's not your problem, it's your BIL's. I know it is annoying, but really, you need to leave them alone.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 14:35     Subject: Help me deal with mentally ill SIL
My husband's brother's wife. It's become apparent over the last two years that she has a mental illness. I don't know what it is nor has BIL shared, but it's evident. She has one topic of conversation, and she'll go hours without interacting with anyone, including her children. She's very emotionally removed, and oblivious to the work her mental absence causes everyone else. She doesn't want to do anything, and doesn't care for her kids. I don't know how to treat her and it's very awkward visiting their house or having her for more than a couple days in mine.

Any BTDT suggestions?