That was me from 21-33; if I had idle time I filled it with work. I worked construction during the day, went to school at night and worked in restaurants on the weekends.

Your 20's are supposed to be spent hustling; your boyfriend probably has a goal in mind and should be praised for it.

My gf 's all grew to hate that I worked so much, but their parents without question all loved me.

It won't be easy for about a decade but you can both talk about the hard times in your beach house. Nearly every worthwhile thing a man can accomplish must be done before he turns 40.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-
I have brought it up exactly how the PP suggested. I was very calm, respectful and non-confrontational about it, but he immediately jumps to being extremely defensive & acting like I'm some crazy, control-freak girlfriend for feeling this way. I just wanted to see if I really am over reacting, or if others would feel hurt as well.

You have your answer. If he told you he was working 7 days a week for the next 2 months because it's a temporary thing and an opportunity he can't miss, then fine. But this isn't what was communicated to you. And the defensiveness and accusing you of being a control-freak is not how you respond to someone you want to get back together with.

Move on. This relationship is cooked.

+1

Relationships, even marriages, take work. If one person is not there, it cannot work. Dump him and move on. He will not change because he doesn't see there is a problem. Just imagine you are in labor and he is not there. You raise your kids and he is not there. So find someone who WILL be there.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-
I have brought it up exactly how the PP suggested. I was very calm, respectful and non-confrontational about it, but he immediately jumps to being extremely defensive & acting like I'm some crazy, control-freak girlfriend for feeling this way. I just wanted to see if I really am over reacting, or if others would feel hurt as well.

You have your answer. If he told you he was working 7 days a week for the next 2 months because it's a temporary thing and an opportunity he can't miss, then fine. But this isn't what was communicated to you. And the defensiveness and accusing you of being a control-freak is not how you respond to someone you want to get back together with.

Move on. This relationship is cooked.

He is who he is. Make a choice based on what you know about him, and what he has shown you to be true - if you stay in this relationship, this will be your life with him. Take him as is, or end it and find someone who shares your outlook on life. You can also ask him how you can work around his schedule and still have time for each other. Ask him how he foresees the future.

OP I gave you a completely different scenario that does not mean he is disrespecting you, but you seem to be hell bent on he is just ruining everything even though you don't seem to know his motives... Are there other issues and you're focusing on this just because? You haven't even given him a chance to see if the new job will end in neglect or any other outcome.

Anonymous wrote:What do I have to be ungrateful for? There was a compromise that was made that he broke almost immediately. I'm sorry that I believe I should be treated with respect.

Treat yourself with respect, for a change.

What do I have to be ungrateful for? There was a compromise that was made that he broke almost immediately. I'm sorry that I believe I should be treated with respect.

Looks like you have found your answer. You can either come to terms with it, or you can find someone else to date. You sound very ungrateful.

OP here-
I have brought it up exactly how the PP suggested. I was very calm, respectful and non-confrontational about it, but he immediately jumps to being extremely defensive & acting like I'm some crazy, control-freak girlfriend for feeling this way. I just wanted to see if I really am over reacting, or if others would feel hurt as well.

Anonymous wrote:OP here,
The problem is we got together under the pretense that we'd be able to spend quality time together and work on strengthening our relationship. This was a mutual agreement. He then turns around, negates that agreement and gets a second job which will bring him to a nearly 60 hour work-week that doesn't leave much time for patching up a relationship.

So then ask him and state exactly what you wrote here:

"Larlo, when we got back together, my understanding was that we would focus on spending more time together and strengthening our relationship. You then accepted a job which now means you are working about 60 hours a week. Can you explain how we are supposed to spend quality time together if you're at work full-time 7 days a week?

Then sit and listen. If his answer doesn't satisfy you, then say, "It looks like we have different understandings of how this relationship was supposed to work. I love you and care for you deeply. However, I can't be in a relationship with you right now. I wish you well."

OP here,
The problem is we got together under the pretense that we'd be able to spend quality time together and work on strengthening our relationship. This was a mutual agreement. He then turns around, negates that agreement and gets a second job which will bring him to a nearly 60 hour work-week that doesn't leave much time for patching up a relationship.

So, what is the fucking problem?

I would be a little annoyed. Especially since you two should be focusing on getting your relationship back on track. I could see where your boyfriend is coming from if he was struggling financially. But, since you pointed out this is not the case, I think it's a a tad insensitive of HIM to take on unnecessary extra work when he should be focusing on your relationship like you two had discussed.

I can see why you would be hurt OP. Maybe I'm being a little optimistic here, but you say you don't think you really need money, on the other hand you guys rekindled a relationship and have been stronger since. What I am seeing in between the lines is maybe your boyfriend has a plan that he came to on his own.. Sucky yes, but bear with me. Maybe he wants more for you, or you as a couple.

I've seen this a few times with friends, break up, get back together and soon after a big change; engagement, getting a place together, or something similar. Maybe your bf is thinking of something to make you see how serious he is, to see how big of a priority he is to you this time around, and it will take more financially than he can spare on current earnings. Maybe, this weekend job is a short term solution to this goal.

I'm not trying to get your hopes up for an engagement or anything, but just giving some insight on what I've seen with friends. For all you know this may not be a selfish decision at all. I say try not to be too hurt or resentful about this, tell him how you feel without making him feel too guilty, because after-all you don't know his intentions at the moment. And most importantly express the things that will make you feel connected and intimate when he is gone so much. For example, that you would like him to text/call/email more often, or to make the time you do have together quality time, not just passively watching tv in the same room etc.

I apologize in advance for the wall of text - I'm just a bit desperate for some outside perspective on my current relationship.

My boyfriend and I are both in our mid/late twenties. We were together for two years before decided to go our separate ways. The reason behind our breakup was not dramatic - there was no betrayal, no abuse, etc. We went completely no contact for about 6 months. About two months ago he approached me stating that he wanted to rekindle our relationship and have a real future together. I agreed (I had never stopped loving him, I just knew that no contact is the best thing to do when a relationship ends). We've been very happy these past few months and we've been able to strengthen our communication and really talk through a lot of the issues we were facing last time we were together.

That is, until this past week. We both work full-time jobs that offer decent salaries and benefits. We are young so we have relatively low monthly bills (no student loan debt, small car payment, etc.). Also, we have a good amount of savings - nothing extravagant, but we definitely aren't struggling. My boyfriend surprised me last week by saying he had an interview for a weekend job. Well, fast forward a few days & he aced the interview and was offered the job. He's now working 16 hours/weekend (8 Saturday and 8 Sunday) in addition to his normal 40 hour work week. I'm happy that he's so ambitious and has such a strong work ethic, but I have to say I'm a little hurt that this decision was made seemingly out of the blue at a time where he is not struggling financially. When we got back together I had made it clear that part of the reason it didn't end well last time is because I didn't feel like he made our relationship enough of a priority. He's a very "out of sight out of mind" kind of person. If he's not actively texting me or sitting right in front of me, he's pretty clueless as to how I'm feeling or what's going on in my life. I told him that I felt that we did need to spend a bit more time together in order to strengthen our relationship.

Would you be mad if your serious, long-term SO did this out of the blue? And how would you go about it? I obviously don't want to end the relationship. He really is the love of my life and I can definitely see us living a long, happy life together. I just don't know if I'm right to feel upset/hurt by this, or if I'm being needy and overly-sensitive.