Anonymous wrote:You don't need an au pair for that. Hire a sitter for after-school. Much more cost effective than an au pair. I am assuming cost is important since you can't get a place with 4 bedrooms.

Au pairs are much more cost effective than part-time nannies. I've looked at that extensively. You literally cannot get a 4 bedroom apartment in my neighborhood. They don't exist. For safety reasons I cannot live in a building without security, so that pretty much limits me to high rise apartments and condos unless I want to ignore my therapist's warnings about my STBX and potentially let the kids end up with a dead mother.

Why can't the au pair live at the ex's, give her a car and let her go back and forth. You aren't going to be able to maintain an equal standard of living. Get something with smaller rooms or kids share. Simple. It isn't a competition.

You don't need an au pair for that. Hire a sitter for after-school. Much more cost effective than an au pair. I am assuming cost is important since you can't get a place with 4 bedrooms.

They need an au pair to drive them to after school activities while I'm working. She does not want to stay alone with DH when the kids aren't there, so she wants a room at my place for when they are with me. I think it's a reasonable request on her part.

Your residence has two bedrooms. You have two same gender children. You get your room, they share a room. This is not rocket science. If you want to be nice, they can have the bigger one and you sleep in the smaller one. Judges don't give a crap as long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep when they are with you.

And what's going on that they're preteen and still need an au pair? Your life is changing, no more live ins in these circumstances. Sorry - you determined that the marriage with the huge house couldn't be an option any more. There are consequences. It may be the right decision to be out of the marriage, it may be selfish - I have no idea. But things are changing and it always costs more to have two households.

If you want to know what a judge would require, ask your attorney. Asking for legal advice on DCUM is incredibly stupid.

Anonymous wrote:This is about a temporary situation? And you feel it's impossible to actually give them their own rooms? Then why are you even asking the question?

Because I want to know what is required. I could give them their own rooms if I sleep in the living room on the couch, as I said. The question is whether that is required. Did you know all the ins and outs of what a judge might require or how they might look at things before you separated and divorced? I don't, so I am asking for help, even if you knew. I've never been separated or divorced before.

This is about a temporary situation? And you feel it's impossible to actually give them their own rooms? Then why are you even asking the question?

Preteen and same sex.

Age and gender of the kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If each of your children have their own room and bath at your X's, do you have to provide them with their own room and bath if you have 50% custody? I can find something easier and more affordable if they share, and I could even give htem the master so it is bigger. Plus, the apartment I am looking at has a pool, which my X doesn't.

Would you have them share a room is you had them 100% of the time? Kids shouldn't feel like second-class citizens just because their parents share custody.

Yes, during the separation. After X's 6 bedroom 5.5 house is sold and I get half the money from all of our assets (which I helped pay for, by the way), then no, I would buy something that would give them their own rooms. It's not about second class citizens. How many 4 bedroom apartments do you think there are? I have to give the au pair her own room when she's at my house, too. I guess I could give her the master and sleep in the living room, but that seems a little ridiculous. I'd rather give the master to the kids instead of the au pair.

Anonymous wrote:If each of your children have their own room and bath at your X's, do you have to provide them with their own room and bath if you have 50% custody? I can find something easier and more affordable if they share, and I could even give htem the master so it is bigger. Plus, the apartment I am looking at has a pool, which my X doesn't.

Would you have them share a room is you had them 100% of the time? Kids shouldn't feel like second-class citizens just because their parents share custody.

I think it depends on the kids - their ages, their genders (contingent on age, really - at a certain point it starts mattering), their relationship.

It was important to me that DD not share a room with me. If I had a second child, I would have less of a problem with her sharing that room with the second child, but I thought that it was important for her to have her own space in my apartment. She spends almost no time other than sleeping in there since we more or less hang out together in the living room, but it's nice for her to know that if she is upset and needs a break, there's somewhere for her to go.

Unless you have 10 kids, your kids can share a bathroom. My ex's apt only has one bedroom so my DS sleeps on the floor on an inflatable mattress.

If each of your children have their own room and bath at your X's, do you have to provide them with their own room and bath if you have 50% custody? I can find something easier and more affordable if they share, and I could even give htem the master so it is bigger. Plus, the apartment I am looking at has a pool, which my X doesn't.