OP,
Sorry that you're having difficulty getting your budget under control. I'm a female here, and I think that it's unfair that your wife uses crying to try and avoid a serious discussion. You may just have to push through it and discuss this with her even if she cries. $30,000 is a lot of money.

Anonymous wrote:Aren't you accompanying her to the nights out and dinner?
How you gonna blame her?

A lot of the dining out is dinner from whole foods because we didn't cook. And that gets expensive quick. We eat at WF approximately 3--4 nights a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to man up and make more money

Thanks for the advice, Maureen McDonnell!

Funniest comment on DCUM in a while. Those two must have been idiots with money.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to man up and make more money

Thanks for the advice, Maureen McDonnell!

Anonymous wrote:Why do most marriages always have a saver and a spender?

because opposites really do attract and this is linked to other personality issues.

Aren't you accompanying her to the nights out and dinner?
How you gonna blame her?

Anonymous wrote:I know my response is going to get flamed but the only real way I have dealt my spender husband is by spending A LOT less myself. I basically force all the savings out of my allotted money and count on him to spend every cent of his allotted money. Ive exhausted other avenues till blue in the face but what works for us is a.) me dividing the money into separate accounts each pay day b.) saving most of my money and being as frugal as I can c.) count on him to blow his money.

PP from 9:45. This is what I do too. I try to think of it as "modeling a good example of frugal spending" but that kind of only works if he's paying attention to how he spends in the first place, which he is not.

I will say that he has gotten A LOT better than he used to be and as a result, we have more money overall.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to man up and make more money

She's blowing $30k extra. That's a lot of money.

I know my response is going to get flamed but the only real way I have dealt my spender husband is by spending A LOT less myself. I basically force all the savings out of my allotted money and count on him to spend every cent of his allotted money. Ive exhausted other avenues till blue in the face but what works for us is a.) me dividing the money into separate accounts each pay day b.) saving most of my money and being as frugal as I can c.) count on him to blow his money.

Sounds like you need to man up and make more money

Op here. One thing she does on her budget spreadsheet is that she uses some very tricky accounting when including my quarterly bonus. I think this accounting has thrown her off and it causes her to overstate income and some months and not account for it in other months.

Also, the crying is a way for her to not fight fair. Because she knows that it causes us to stop having any hard discussion about issues in our relationship.

Why do most marriages always have a saver and a spender?

You have to work on a budget together OP and have at least a weekly "tete-a-tete" to go over it. And, it doesn't need to be harsh. Try to make a little game out of it. I really do get a little high/buzz when I find deals. Get your wife involved. Let her know the curtains will wait until you have a meeting to go over expenditures.

I have this issue with my husband. He engages in a lot of money therapy. Feeling crappy? You know what will make you feel better? Oysters for lunch. Sudden windfall of $300? Sounds like a great opportunity to buy a new X that costs $500. "We were going to anyway," right?

We have a budget and he knows what it is and thinks it's a good budget. He's always very sorry when we blow it. We are trying to do better - he's trying to do better at not spending and I'm trying to do better at not nagging him about it.

I just longed to our Mint account to look at our spending and I realize that our budget is all out of whack. We are overspending on frivolous stuff; spending too much for nights out and dinners and other stupid sh8. We should be saving an extra $2500 per month. Now my wife wants to buy drapes for the new babies room because she doesn't like the look of the current curtains. However, when I bring up budgeting or spending less she starts to cry. Literally cry. Then instead of having a conversation, she resorts to "I need to go back to work" which makes me feel bad and we and up leaving all of the issues unresolved. She doesn't want me to take over the budgeting. I'm really getting frustrated.