Anonymous wrote:Stop analyzing her, OP. You have minimal contact with her, since you work at home. Just continue to act professionally and do not engage in conversations that don't directly have to do with work.

Be amicable, and just do your job.

OP, here. Yes, I agree. I try. However, she shared with our group during a workshop at the conference that her husband's father was an abusive alcoholic and he was raised by his grandparents. She was practically in tears. She shared that her husband was a good man but did not make much money, and they had a daughter now entering college.

Just yesterday on our biweekly phone meeting, a 30 minute call, she shared she was taking off for vacation for a week, going to a spa to meet a friend of hers who was doing very well for herself. Her friend created her own position at her company and also telecommutes. My boss told me that she thought that is what her role at this non profit would be like. She said she was still bringing her laptop with her.

I am not going out of my way to analyze this woman. She volunteers the information about her personal and financial struggles. She also doesn't seem to know how to effectively manage the job and her time.

I don't particularly want her to push her stress and anxiety down to me. That's what I am trying to avoid.

Stop analyzing her, OP. You have minimal contact with her, since you work at home. Just continue to act professionally and do not engage in conversations that don't directly have to do with work.

Be amicable, and just do your job.

Half this stuff sounds like it's all in your head

1. She sees you don't have enough work so she gives you work to do. You just think you should be given harder work vs what she's given you?

2. She probably pointed out the fact that you stood out at the conference as a "newbie". I think it is important to dress similar to everyone else, otherwise you stand out as not understanding the environment. That applies to being both over and under dressed

3. She turned a conference into a family vacation. I know a lot of people who dO that. She attended the necessary things but probably figured you could represent the company at the non essential events.

4. You only think this has to do with money

I don't know OP. Maybe there is more to it but I'm not really understanding where your bitterness to your boss is coming from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who does your boss report to and what is your relationship like with her or him?

OP here. My boss reported to the program manger who really wanted me on the team. He advocated for hiring me. That's a good thing. He was promoted, but in another division. And then my boss was not promoted, but someone else, another man, was promoted over her. He seems okay. She isn't really able to hide her contempt for him, either. I am not sure if she also applied for his position and didn't get it.

She did share at the conference that her husband is a good man, but doesn't make much money. I think with a daughter entering college, and she and her husband nearing retirement age, she is under more pressure to make more money. That's probably not going to happen for her at this non profit. She could always do some contracting work, but she never asks me straight out about how to do that.

This is really the easiest job I have ever had. I working from home.

Why not try helping her out and talk about the contracting with her? Might generate some good will, might not, but seems worth a shot. At the very least it will forge some common ground between the two of you.

Her strategy with me seems to be offloading her tasks to me. If she thinks I am not busy enough and I have time do outside contracting work, she will offload more tasks to me. This doesn't increase her take home pay, however. Maybe eventually she will examine her strategy to see it is not working for her.

Some people are just loathe to admit or accept that people who are subordinate to them on the official hierarchy might actually be better off than they are, or might have some good ideas to share to lessen their work load. They would much rather be in charge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who does your boss report to and what is your relationship like with her or him?

OP here. My boss reported to the program manger who really wanted me on the team. He advocated for hiring me. That's a good thing. He was promoted, but in another division. And then my boss was not promoted, but someone else, another man, was promoted over her. He seems okay. She isn't really able to hide her contempt for him, either. I am not sure if she also applied for his position and didn't get it.

She did share at the conference that her husband is a good man, but doesn't make much money. I think with a daughter entering college, and she and her husband nearing retirement age, she is under more pressure to make more money. That's probably not going to happen for her at this non profit. She could always do some contracting work, but she never asks me straight out about how to do that.

This is really the easiest job I have ever had. I working from home.

Why not try helping her out and talk about the contracting with her? Might generate some good will, might not, but seems worth a shot. At the very least it will forge some common ground between the two of you.

Anonymous wrote:Who does your boss report to and what is your relationship like with her or him?

OP here. My boss reported to the program manger who really wanted me on the team. He advocated for hiring me. That's a good thing. He was promoted, but in another division. And then my boss was not promoted, but someone else, another man, was promoted over her. He seems okay. She isn't really able to hide her contempt for him, either. I am not sure if she also applied for his position and didn't get it.

She did share at the conference that her husband is a good man, but doesn't make much money. I think with a daughter entering college, and she and her husband nearing retirement age, she is under more pressure to make more money. That's probably not going to happen for her at this non profit. She could always do some contracting work, but she never asks me straight out about how to do that.

This is really the easiest job I have ever had. I working from home.

Try to get her job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her job and negotiate a 3% increase

I don't want her job. I just want to keep my job.

My anxiety stems from my experience that people leave bad supervisors not jobs. I have never left a job unless I just couldn't get any relief or get along with my supervisor. I am determined not to let that happen here. After meeting her in person, she has made it clear she has no intention of treating me any other way than a subordinate who is there to make her life easier. At least now I know.

Not to be snarky but that's generally what employees are there for.

Who does your boss report to and what is your relationship like with her or him?

You can't stop her behavior, you can only control your response. Maybe try some relaxation techniques, like a couple of minutes of meditation, or some gentle yoga stretches, to help calm you after your interactions with her.

Anonymous wrote:Take her job and negotiate a 3% increase

I don't want her job. I just want to keep my job.

My anxiety stems from my experience that people leave bad supervisors not jobs. I have never left a job unless I just couldn't get any relief or get along with my supervisor. I am determined not to let that happen here. After meeting her in person, she has made it clear she has no intention of treating me any other way than a subordinate who is there to make her life easier. At least now I know.

Take her job and negotiate a 3% increase

I work for a non profit. I was hired this year. I recently learned that some program managers and especially those who were with the non profit for years, make less than the new hires they manage. My boss is only making $400 more than she was before she became a supervisor. She created the position for herself.

I have more education and more work experience in my field than my direct supervisor (my boss), and I had to submit my 1099 forms from when I worked as an independent contractor. My boss is aware that I have marketable skills where I could make significantly more in private industry. There are also much younger and less educated and less experienced program managers who are above my boss, and I don't know or care how much they make.

However, my boss is constantly making snide comments to me about money. We all telework from home offices.

We recently attended a conference together. I took one carry-on bag and one navy suit, one other skirt, and a navy dress. I wore the "uniform." I thought the conference was business casual. Most of the attendees were wearing just casual clothes, not business casual. My boss was not pleased when she saw my clothes, and made comments to me, about how she was just like me the first year she attended the conference and how competitive I am. ??? She also brought her husband and daughter who will be a freshman in college. They used the conference as a family vacation. She was nowhere to be seen unless she had to be at meetings. She missed out on a gift card raffle prize because she chose not to be there at the social in the evening.

I am also a single woman in my early 40s never married, no kids. I live a nice comfortable lifestyle but not extravagant.

I can see now how much she hates me. If she thinks I don't have enough work to do, she will offload her menial tasks on to me. Instead of publishing articles or giving presentations for professional development, which I have done in the past, she has me read one article a year and write a summary.

I only have to interact with her online over the phone for about an hour every two weeks.

I have to be as nice to her as possible. Everything about me seems to annoy and irritate her. When we are face to face, she rolls her eyes if I attempt to speak. She is nice on the surface and brutal beneath. She makes comments about how she didn't achieve her dreams for her life, or how she used to be a rebellious teenager, but now she knows how to act. etc. etc. etc.

Maybe this was more of a vent. I really like this job. I like the employer. I am satisfied with my pay. I know I can always make a few extra dollars a year by taking independent contract work.

How can I stop her negativity and stop even having these thoughts? I have found that the more I think about some thing and focus on it, the worse it gets. I can have one 30 minute phone conversation with her, and it takes me a day or two to decompress.