I've lived thru your situation. Coming up on 60 now. Except my wife never had much of a libido before the first child. Kept telling me she would get better. I felt she was just lying to me. Sex normally 2x a yr, once went 2 yrs without sex. Never a BJ in marriage. Never let me live one of my fantasies. Never one pg sex nite, etc etc. I tried everything you did and more, including couseling.
Bottom line ........... no way in hell I was going to leave my kids, period.
I was faithful all those yrs, even though I think she had one affair. Simply because I didn't want her to have an excuse to take the kids.

Her libido didn't pick up in the 40s. Sure, blame it mostly on the husband. You've no idea the pain I went thru. I'm sorry man, I know it's tough.

In hindsight do I wished I divorced. NO. My kids are the most important thing in the World. Not everyone feels as me though. You'll have to make your own decision.

Whatever you decide I would try to avoid emotionally damaging your wife. Married or not, she is raising your kids.

We got back on track after dh stopped being an ass and did more to help. When I am stressed and he's mean I have zero desire for sex. Women are just different from men

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You're thinking about turning your kids' world upside down solely due to lack of sex. And you haven't told your DW this or, it sounds like, sought professional help.

Good luck explaining your divorce to your kids in about 15 years.

I do think sex is important, but that your reaction to this situation tells me that you play a role in this. You have two young kids, your wife SAH with them, you are just emerging from the young kid vortex, and your reaction is you want an open marriage or divorce? After trying toys, books, talks?

What would your wife say about your marriage? Would she say you're checked out and have been for awhile, that she feels a lot of weight on her shoulders, and that has killed her sex drive? It seems like you have much bigger marital problems but you've condensed it into a sex problem. Which is making yet another demand on a woman who already has a ton of demands on her.

I'd venture to guess that if a marriage is lacking in sex, requesting more sex without addressing the issues that resulted in no sex never works.

I think you need to tell your wife how unhappy you are in your marriage and see if she is open to counseling. Actually, just you going to individual counseling might help you see what the underlying problems are and whether the marriage is salvageable. I think you need to at least understand what you are dealing with and attempt to fix the underlying issues before you give up on this since you have kids.

PP who suggested counseling here again. I also agree with this whole comment, especially the part in bold.

Doesn't sound like you guys have tried counseling. Why not?

Let me get this straight. You're thinking about turning your kids' world upside down solely due to lack of sex. And you haven't told your DW this or, it sounds like, sought professional help.

Good luck explaining your divorce to your kids in about 15 years.

I do think sex is important, but that your reaction to this situation tells me that you play a role in this. You have two young kids, your wife SAH with them, you are just emerging from the young kid vortex, and your reaction is you want an open marriage or divorce? After trying toys, books, talks?

What would your wife say about your marriage? Would she say you're checked out and have been for awhile, that she feels a lot of weight on her shoulders, and that has killed her sex drive? It seems like you have much bigger marital problems but you've condensed it into a sex problem. Which is making yet another demand on a woman who already has a ton of demands on her.

I'd venture to guess that if a marriage is lacking in sex, requesting more sex without addressing the issues that resulted in no sex never works.

I think you need to tell your wife how unhappy you are in your marriage and see if she is open to counseling. Actually, just you going to individual counseling might help you see what the underlying problems are and whether the marriage is salvageable. I think you need to at least understand what you are dealing with and attempt to fix the underlying issues before you give up on this since you have kids.

Anonymous wrote:Have you already met someone?

I have met a couple of women that I could have an affair with. None that I would seriously consider dating if I were single. But I want to avoid having an affair. Isn't it more ethical to divorce first?

I do feel bad blowing up a marriage over sex/passion. But what is a marriage without sex? Merely roomates, or so it seems. I have been waiting patiently for DWs sex drive to come back. Gone since kid #1. I read about these women who find an increase in libido in 40s. Have debated waiting another year or two but honestly, the years of rejection have made it so I really have come to not want to rekindle with DW. I hope she finds happiness with the next man if we split. She is a great person and mom.

Anonymous wrote:I think the ethical thing would be to find some way to work this out. Leaving a SAHM and 2 kids because your sex life went downhill seems pretty shitty.

But denying your spouse sex and affection is also shitty.

Of course you owe her an honest explanation. It sounds like you're beyond the point of giving her an ultimatum - work on rekindling your sex life or divorce, rather than proposing open marriage?

Have you already met someone?

I think the ethical thing would be to find some way to work this out. Leaving a SAHM and 2 kids because your sex life went downhill seems pretty shitty.

Why not give your wife these options and see how it goes?

Anonymous wrote:How old are kids?

5 and 7

How old are kids?

Long story short: typical situation - kids came, sex life went down hill. Never recovered, I have tried the talk, toys, books, date night, nothing works. Don't want to live in a marriage without at least occasional sexual passion. So we need to split or open marriage. Problem is my DW will never agree to an open marriage willingly. She may grudgingly accept because she is a SAHM and may feel like she has no other options.

I think the ethical thing is to just serve the divorce papers and keep it civil since we have to raise kids. And if I do serve her with papers, do I owe her an explanation or can I say we just grew apart? I love her and want her to do well, but I fell out of romantic love with her over the years of our asexual marriage.