My mom was weird and mean. She is probably the most literal person in the world! I had to constantly explain jokes to her that her friends would tell her (completely inappropriate jokes for a kid, btw). She would try to help me with making friends, which ended up being a nightmare. I became completely sarcastic because she didn't get it. She dresses me in smocked dresses and saddle shoes. I had to beg my grandmother to buy me sneakers. She would also take huge risks driving which resulted in hitting a semi-truck and a police car on different occasions.

Anonymous wrote:

DH and DS are Aspies with a touch of ADHD. They're mostly generous and kind, and that is the most important.

True that. Kindness is in far too short supply these days in this world.

Anonymous wrote:My mom's first gift to my baby was a dog toy.

Did she know it was a dog toy? I've confused the two before myself....

My mom's first gift to my baby was a dog toy.

^^"but she should never have had kids."

My mom wasn't abusive, but she never have had kids. She had us just because all her friends had kids, so she wanted 2 as well. She wasn't maternal at all though. The first hug I can remember receiving from her was when I was 19, and it was only after I asked her for it. She never plays with my kids, and I wouldn't dream of asking her to babysit. If i call her on the phone, she cant wait to get off and go back doing whatever she was doing, and she never calls me. She admitted to me recently that she has no interest in kids. Luckily my MIL loves kids, so everything turned out alright for me in the end.

My mom was mentally ill. I don't think she was weird, but other people sure did. She was my mom and I loved her. She couldn't control her emotions, so she screamed at all of us about everything, and then cried about everything. It was impossible growing up with a woman like that. It was like having a child for a mom, not exactly someone you can rely on. At least she wasn't mean. She never criticized or mocked me, she just couldn't behave like a rational adult. I'm so envious of people who have nice moms who babysit and with whom they can discuss their problems. I've never had that.

I always envied the kids with wierd or eccentric moms. As a PP said, I would rather have had wierd than harsh, rigid, inflexible, and abusive.
I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a mom that I wasn't afraid of. Sigh.

More like a free spirit with a bad temper. Loving, passionate, generous -- but also no filter on what she said and did, insecure and prone to fly off the handle to point of becoming verbally and sometimes physically abusive. My mom should have been in therapy before having kids. It would have helped her a lot.

I don't know if weird would be the word in my case, but just very, very insecure (to the point of being weird maybe) and eager to please and be liked by others and worried about what others thought all the time. She was always focused on making sure that everyone saw she raised wonderful, well-mannered, thoughtful children. I don't think I ever saw her do anything based on her own instincts and self-confidence. It was always based on what her friends XYZ did first or recommended. We'd even go clothes shopping after school started so we could see "what the styles were" and buy our clothes based on what others were wearing as if we'd be going anywhere else other than Macys for fall shopping.

Weird in itself is not traumatic.

Mean is traumatic. Telling me I was fat when I was underweight or forbidding me from having a social life and going out or seeing my perfectly well-behaved girl friends was traumatic. Shaming me and calling me names when I decided as a teen to wear something as revealing as midthigh-length shorts with a high-cut, not low-cut, tank shirt was traumatic.

DH and DS are Aspies with a touch of ADHD. They're mostly generous and kind, and that is the most important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well growing up she was actually relatively normal.

I love my mom more than anything in the world ands he is the most kind and giving person.

That being said...she has become so weird and ADHD as she gets older its sad. We just had a baby and she has proven to be completely unreliable when it comes to wanting to watch her, etc. Makes me very sad.

OP here. My mom is also very likely ADHD, and we experienced the same thing when our kids were born - just too unreliable, or she'd agree to something, but then something better came up and she "forget" about her previous commitment. I feel your pain. In laws are overseas so we are really on our own.

Whats funny is I was thinking of starting a thread about this because I have been so upset since my DD was born with our grandparent situation. DHs parents are not in the area and my parents are. I knew my Dad would not be reliable but my mom could only gush over the news of a greandchild etc and when it came down to it...she was not even there when I had the baby. She slept through the birth (didnt want her there but to be there after) and came hours later. I was in SHOCK!

And with babysitting, she does not listen to a damn thing we tell her and just does what she wants. Its been really difficult and as you said...we are on our own eventhough we thought we would have had a completely different situation. Its nice to know I am not the only one with this going on!

Anonymous wrote:Well growing up she was actually relatively normal.

I love my mom more than anything in the world ands he is the most kind and giving person.

That being said...she has become so weird and ADHD as she gets older its sad. We just had a baby and she has proven to be completely unreliable when it comes to wanting to watch her, etc. Makes me very sad.

OP here. My mom is also very likely ADHD, and we experienced the same thing when our kids were born - just too unreliable, or she'd agree to something, but then something better came up and she "forget" about her previous commitment. I feel your pain. In laws are overseas so we are really on our own.

Well growing up she was actually relatively normal.

I love my mom more than anything in the world ands he is the most kind and giving person.

That being said...she has become so weird and ADHD as she gets older its sad. We just had a baby and she has proven to be completely unreliable when it comes to wanting to watch her, etc. Makes me very sad.

I have a weird mom. For example

She always thought I was unattractive (and I was a very dorky, ugly kid) but sometimes would try to make me feel better.
When I started seventh grade she was always asking me about boys, had I kissed anyone yet, etc.
She seemed to really want me to have a boyfriend.
None in my small group of friends were kissing boys or trying to date anyone, beyond having a crush on someone or whatever, and I was shy and dorky anyway.
Anyway, after much prodding (and she promised she wouldn't tell anyone!) I made up a story about how a certain boy who I'd known from elementary kissed me by the lockers at school.
A few days later, a different boy who was also from my elementary came up to me as we were leaving school and was all "woohoo! Hey I heard all about you and Finkel!!!"
I was mortified. I went home super angry. My mom confessed that she had shared the information with the other boy's mom at some mom party, and well...
I never owned up to making up the story, though should have. And I never trusted her again...
There must have been a bit of confusion caused by this. I can only imagine how strange the other moms must have thought her to be.

This is only one anecdote in a long history. I don't want to become this person - I know I won't anyway, but anytime I see myself doing anything my mom might have, I freak out a little.