OP, why would any half way eligible single guy - including divorced fathers - want to enter into a relationship with a single mother with all of the attendant complications when there are lots of single women who don't have any of the issues that you would bring to a relationship?

Just being honest ...........

Another single mom. Found on line was the only way to meet men but that it took lots of time to meet men I wanted to date. Gotta approach it as a numbers game and try to have fun meeting different kind if people along the way. Hard as a single mom as time is limited though. My sympathies. No need to wait till your child us a magical age.

Remarried mom of 1 here. I was able to remarry a wonderful man (who is kind, successful, etc) because:
- I keep myself in great shape
- have career
- was a realist about age (he is 7 yrs older).

It is hard. Sounds like you are not being realistic about some aspect of this.

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

There are two theories on it.

Neolithic man seems to have viewed a woman's offspring as proof of her fertility and therefore very sexy.

Other primate males have been known to kill the offspring of their male rivals.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe men shy away from you because you have kids. Sorry, but as a single mom you will have a tougher time finding a SO.

The upside is that you don't have to accept every offer of a date just because some stranger on DCUM thinks the odds are stacked against you. I know that some single moms believe their kids are baggage. I see mine as "in-flight entertainment". I'm dating a quality guy for over a year and starting to think about marriage without panicking about the loss of independence.

Being willing to date a single mom isn't the same as wanting a built in family. But from personal experience, military guys were the ones most interested in me as a single mom of two. They most easily recognized my self-sufficiency, less saw my independence as a slight toward them, worried less about my ex-husband, and were most interested in meeting my kids (only one ever has and we've been together about 14 months). They were also not as interested in going to clubs or whisking away for long weekends.

I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

Anonymous wrote:all of the other moms or friends I have are coupled up. I've tried online dating and the meet up thing. Nothing is working. Where are single successful men who want a built in family? Is it me?

Let me guess, you live in DC, think Rockville is "too far", and will only date guys making 200k.

Maybe men shy away from you because you have kids. Sorry, but as a single mom you will have a tougher time finding a SO.

Tough luck

OP, I was offering advice based on my experience. You're coming across as anxious and frustrated here, which makes me wonder if that is scaring men off. You say you have always been single with your DC...there are certainly guys who will go for a relationship with a woman who has a kid 2 and under. I've met and dated a couple guys like that. But a guy in your case is signing up to play daddy (in his mind at least) since it sounds like your ex is not around. It's not something your average guy is ready for. I'm speaking from experience. And honestly, I have zero desire to date anyone with babies/toddlers either. I think your situation will be more palatable when your kid is older and less needy. How often are you available for dates? Do you have someone willing to watch your child overnight?

The divorced fathers I meet tend to have kids my daughter's age and up. And now, its a potential benefit as our kids are closer in age. I'm not saying don't date, I'm saying that a relationship is easier that more self sufficient your kid is.

Anonymous wrote:You have a toddler. Give it a couple years. It's much more difficult to have time for dating and a relationship with a toddler/infant. It's rough for married people to "date" their own spouses during that time! Once your kid is 4 and up (and easier), it will be easier. Toddlers are still at that age where you really wonder if there are lingering feelings between you and the ex.

In the meantime, make sure that you're still attractive and be honest with yourself. Are you working out? Wearing clothes that flatter yourself? Are you happy in life?

-Single mom of a 4.5yo

I am attractive and just as attractive if not more so than my other friends that are married. Women do not have to be supermodels to date. Lord knows the men are definitely not. Just saying perfection is not a requirement. There has got to be an easier way and my child's age definitely cannot be the reson why no one has crossed my path. I am articulate enough to explain my situation if I could just meet someone. Is it really that hard and is a man magically going to appear in 2 more years or miraculously at my child's age of 4 or 5?

You have a toddler. Give it a couple years. It's much more difficult to have time for dating and a relationship with a toddler/infant. It's rough for married people to "date" their own spouses during that time! Once your kid is 4 and up (and easier), it will be easier. Toddlers are still at that age where you really wonder if there are lingering feelings between you and the ex.

In the meantime, make sure that you're still attractive and be honest with yourself. Are you working out? Wearing clothes that flatter yourself? Are you happy in life?

-Single mom of a 4.5yo

How old are your children?

all of the other moms or friends I have are coupled up. I've tried online dating and the meet up thing. Nothing is working. Where are single successful men who want a built in family? Is it me?