Some good advice here.

Here's my story and I'm sure there are plenty of DCUMers with similar stories. I was one of many kids and the oldest and first to head off to college. My parents were divorced and my dad said I needed to pick someplace in Kansas that was a public school. I literally picked the biggest state U, never visited, was dropped off at the dorm the week before school after spending the summer in a developing country and adapted just fine to my new surroundings once I got over reverse culture shock.

It is my firm belief that there are no perfect anythings - life, college, whatever is what you make of it. Our kids are SO blessed they even get to go to college.

It is more important to encourage our kids to think of what they want/think they want to learn and then go after that, assess and change course as needed.

I assume your DS is a rising senior. I would have him apply to 6-7 schools that meet his current criteria. When acceptances come in,return to the schools again for a 2nd look. He will be a little older (mature) and might be more opinionated by that time and see things more clearly and secondly, once kids are "accepted", they realize it is now their choice if they want to attend there or not. Honestly, I think it is a bigger issue to have kids who set their sights on one dream school only to be disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are going to Harvard, you are settling. Settling is okay. Even for the overachieving DC crowd.

DD was in a similar situation. She ended up getting waitisted by her number 1 and ended up in a different city, but she is excited about it.

Visiting schools AFTER being accepted is a whole different experience. That's when DD trade her decision.

This is a silly statement. My daughter got into Harvard and chose a different school. Contrary to what you seem to believe, Harvard is not everyone's "dream school".

I agree; people have different ideas of "dream schools". They are not one-size-fits-all and one person's dream school might not interest another person in the least.

OP it sounds like you expecting some kind of emotional reaction from your DS that he just isn't going to have. You're bringing your expectations as a parent and imposing them on him. Don't worry, he'll be fine.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are going to Harvard, you are settling. Settling is okay. Even for the overachieving DC crowd.

DD was in a similar situation. She ended up getting waitisted by her number 1 and ended up in a different city, but she is excited about it.

Visiting schools AFTER being accepted is a whole different experience. That's when DD trade her decision.

This is a silly statement. My daughter got into Harvard and chose a different school. Contrary to what you seem to believe, Harvard is not everyone's "dream school".

Unless you go to Harvard, you are settling 00:38? I'm sorry but that is not a helpful observation. (And of course I disagree.)

OP, students like this need to find "the one" once they receive their acceptances. My friend's child did this. Very happy, leaves in a month. The upside of not finding "the one" is that students who do and then are not accepted feel badly, sometimes for a long time.

I didn't go to my DREAM school, but I had an amazing experience in college. My dream school was my reach, I didn't get in, and live moved on. My time in college was great, and I'm sure your sons will be too.

Visiting a school and going there are different. A friend of mine chose the school she thought was perfect and felt it had the right vibe after visiting. But she transferred during her second year because she realized during her first year that it was the wrong school for her.

Unless you are going to Harvard, you are settling. Settling is okay. Even for the overachieving DC crowd.

DD was in a similar situation. She ended up getting waitisted by her number 1 and ended up in a different city, but she is excited about it.

Visiting schools AFTER being accepted is a whole different experience. That's when DD trade her decision.

I too think this concept is overrated. After all, most kids don't go to a "dream" high school,and many still manage to have good experiences there. And really, I don't think most kids go to "dream" colleges, either--they go to the local state U and many of them are very happy there.

My DS wants a bunch of different things in a college that IME simply don't exist in one place and so won't be found. I fully expect that he will have to make some compromises, but I think he will really enjoy college anyway.

Honestly, I think the idea of a 'dream school' is overrated. Is it good to have a school that you LOVE? Of course. But if a kid has a list of schools that they can at least see themselves at, then all is well. Kids adapt easily.

Human beings are very adaptive, especially when young. He will fit in pretty much wherever as long as he is open to it. We don't always get what we want or have things come to us as "the one" but we make do and move onto the next stage in life.

There are plenty of kids who have a dream school, don't get in and go on to be happy elsewhere. Your son will be fine.

How about a gap year ?
Even though it us better to spy now than after....

We have spent the last year researching and visiting colleges. DS is a strong student (stats below Ivies but probably competitive for other "top 20" schools). He wants to go to college but confided after a recent visit that he has not walked onto any campus and thought "this is the one." Although we have asked him to be cognizant of cost, we have put no limits on his search and have said we will do our best to help him go to the school that is best for him. But he has a longer list of things he doesn't want (in terms of location, size, culture, facilities) than does want, and that list has ruled out even looking at many of the schools for which he is qualified. His current top choice is one that fits him really well and is not a reach, and there are a couple others he liked reasonably well, but I feel like he is "settling" without being excited about anything. I am not sure whether to encourage more visits or just let him go with the current quite short list. Did anybody else's DC never have a "dream" school, or a school (s)he was in love with, and if so, did college turn out to be a great experience anyway?