Anonymous wrote:I would wait until he actually passes to worry. My general rule of thumb is that if an event might not happen again (an aged parent celebrating an 80th birthday, or a get together to honor someone else important in my life who may pass), I make the effort to go. With deaths, I make the decision case-by-case depending on what's happening within my own immediate family. Same with weddings. If it's feasible, affordable and not a burden on the immediate family, I go. If not, then I sent flowers and food. Don't fret about it until the moment is upon you. Just make sure you have a dark dress or suit ready to go and see what makes sense for you and DH when the moment comes. Good luck

+1

Are you sincerely sad and want to go to pay your respects or are you going to make an appearance? (To look like you care?) Seriously, it depends on your family finances and if others don't understand that, it's their problem, not yours.

I know people who LOVE to go to funerals and cry a bunch. All for attention. My family loves to attend funerals because it turns into a family reunion. I only go if it is immediate family (and they all live nearby.) I couldn't afford a last minute flight and I certainly wouldn't take my small children.

Good Luck.

I agree with the prior poster who says wait and see. You can't pre-plan for something like this because you never know when it might happen and how you'll be feeling when it does.

My godfather (my dad's cousin, who was like a brother to him) passed away unexpectedly last summer. I was on vacation in Florida with my family at the time. When I heard from my mom with the news, my husband and I immediately made plans for me to cut the vacation short and go be with my parents and cousins. I didn't even tell my parents I was planning to make the trip (they would have tried to talk me out of it) but it felt like what I needed to do. It could have just has easily gone the other way, and my family would have been OK with me not making it. However, I am glad I took the time to go and see my family -- it meant a lot to them, and it gave me closure.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Anonymous wrote:I would wait until he actually passes to worry. My general rule of thumb is that if an event might not happen again (an aged parent celebrating an 80th birthday, or a get together to honor someone else important in my life who may pass), I make the effort to go. With deaths, I make the decision case-by-case depending on what's happening within my own immediate family. Same with weddings. If it's feasible, affordable and not a burden on the immediate family, I go. If not, then I sent flowers and food. Don't fret about it until the moment is upon you. Just make sure you have a dark dress or suit ready to go and see what makes sense for you and DH when the moment comes. Good luck

Agree with this 100%

I would fly or drive by myself (I don't mind driving by myself, as long as I can do it in a day). I just did this for a funeral in the Midwest, and everyone said how glad they were that I made the trip. I think it was a comfort to my mom. It was nice to see family, and going to the funeral service gave me some closure.

I would wait until he actually passes to worry. My general rule of thumb is that if an event might not happen again (an aged parent celebrating an 80th birthday, or a get together to honor someone else important in my life who may pass), I make the effort to go. With deaths, I make the decision case-by-case depending on what's happening within my own immediate family. Same with weddings. If it's feasible, affordable and not a burden on the immediate family, I go. If not, then I sent flowers and food. Don't fret about it until the moment is upon you. Just make sure you have a dark dress or suit ready to go and see what makes sense for you and DH when the moment comes. Good luck

I have an uncle who is in failing health. He and my aunt live in Michigan (I'm here in DC). In the past when there was a funeral, DH and I would have gone together. We have 2 small children now though, so that's not realistic. I'm trying to think about how I'll handle things when he passes. DH can hold down the fort while I fly out there, but that's vacation time I don't really have, money for a last minute flight, and lots of extra juggling. I'm tempted to just send my condolences and flowers, but my very large extended family tends to be the type where everybody shows up to everything. What would you do? I'm tempted to fly there and back on the same day if I go at all.