*where* not *were*

My husband saved my life when I passed out after losing too much blood after the delivery and by some inexplicable circumstance no one except him was in the room and the nurses were at the far end of the corridor. The call button was not at the head of the bed as it was supposed to be, but hidden away in a drawer.

OP,

In this day and age, it's expected that a father would witness the birth of his children. If he can't handle the blood and moaning, then he shouldn't have copulated and doesn't deserve the babies.

PP, there are many things that a husband can do for their partner when she is giving birth! Psychologically, the very fact that you are there (not passing out) is a symbol of your engagement. If you utter words of encouragement and hold her hand, even better. If you cut the cord, hold your baby, etc even better.

No!

I think it's optional. Each couple can sort this out for themselves. It is unusual for the father not to be there because of our culture, but plenty of other cultures exclude men.

I figured you'd want to attend the birth of your child, plus the fact the mother can technically die during childbirth. Kinda important, there.

I was there during labor but had told my wife way ahead of time that I would not be there during delivery.

Frankly, there is little nothing that a husband can do for his wife when she is delivering. I think at least some husbands are there only because there is pressure on them to be present. People are still surprised when I say that I was not present ...... almost as if I committed some sort of major crime.

This is not about being there at childbirth. It's about something wrong in your marriage, communication or both.

Dude, here's the bottom line. I don't want to be there either, but I have no choice. I'm doing the hard part. Get your ass in the room. You can be at the head end if you want.

Wait a minute, HE said he did something nice for YOU that day? That makes no sense.

OP here. I'm trying to understand the perspective. DH and I have been having some troubles, so I said, if you could pick one day where you felt you really did something special for me, what would it be? He picked the days our children were born. I had a doula the first time (and he left for lunch for two hours) and I drove myself to the hospital the second, so there was no major handholding. It didn't occur to me that it was an optional activity so I'm trying to understand.

If the man didn't want the baby in the first place, I'd assume that is the major reason why they don't show up for the birth. Also, if the mother doesn't want them there.

If my partner COULD physically be there and wasn't I'd never forgive him.
Ok, maybe I would forgive him if he told me in advance that he had a severe phobia of witnessing birth, we tried working on it with therapy but weren't making headway, and he made sure that I had a supportive birthing partner AND a doula available.

But just "I don't want to be there." or a no show...

Yeah, I'd never forgive that.

Just because. That's it.

Huh? What would you rather be doing?

Assume there is no reason, such as military deployment, preventing it.

If it is optional, what are the reasons to do it?

To be there for the baby?

To be there for your wife?

Others?