The negatives that life piles on you can be draining, but I find that if we work at putting lightness back in, recalling what made us originally enjoy each other's company so much, it helps.

Not much helps if you've come to know your partner better, and they've turned out to be a big disappointment. Then you mostly have your shared history and the sense that at least you know what to expect.

We have had a lot of sadness and changes hit us. We are there for each other, but the things life hits you with have made both of us retreat into ourselves. It is sad!

I think the biggest mistake I made in my marriage was expecting that our relationship at that point would stay at least somewhat the same- but everything is dynamic and changes constantly. I changed, DH changed, our lives changed, our relationship changed. Honestly, you have to roll with the punches and adapt along with the person.

yes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this so sad. My wife and I are best friends. My life would be empty without her.

She's actually out of town now, and we've talked 2-3 times a day since she left. In between, I miss her. And this is the first time we've been apart in ... I don't know how long.

I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

+1

Well said, PP. Well said.

Hmm. Horseshit.

SOMEtimes, naive cute poster, it is the case that the other person changes . SOMEtimes, this is for the worse, not for the better.

I'm not sure I was in love with him to begin with! It was always a very cerebral attraction.

What is love, anyway?

Sometimes, like today during our outing, I feel a rush of deep affection for him. I want to hold him and protect him.
Sometimes I see that he's gorgeous and feel sexually attracted to him.
Often I barely tolerate him and everything he does makes me want to bark at him.

But he is never, ever dull and always has something interesting to discuss. This is why I married him, and why I stay.

I still love dh and he still loves me. Our relationship has evolved along with the rest of our lives. We are no longer the fun loving 20 somethings that we were when we first met - when it was just us. We are still ourselves and we do still have fun but it isn't that same sort of carefree daily fun that we used to share. Work responsibilities have grown, we are parents now - homework, discipline, putting away money for college, keeping food on the table and a roof over our heads. We now own a home that we have to keep in good shape. Even the dogs are added responsibilities.

We've had sadness and challenges that we've seen each other through. I do feel that our love for each other has grown deeper in many ways. Daily stresses can make it easy to forget sometimes. But we do make it a point to have lighter moments together. We have so much to be thankful for.

Anonymous wrote:I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

+1

Well said.

~DW, married for 23 years

Anonymous wrote:I find this so sad. My wife and I are best friends. My life would be empty without her.

She's actually out of town now, and we've talked 2-3 times a day since she left. In between, I miss her. And this is the first time we've been apart in ... I don't know how long.

I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

+1

Well said, PP. Well said.

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I just tolerate one another.

How sad. If you want things to change, you both have to WANT it and DO SOMETHING about it.
What kind of message are you sending to your children? Grandchildren?

I hope my DH and I are never in your shoes. But then again, we WORK on our relationship and want it to be a happy one. We just don't assume things will work out. Sounds like you and your spouse are just lazy.

I find this so sad. My wife and I are best friends. My life would be empty without her.

She's actually out of town now, and we've talked 2-3 times a day since she left. In between, I miss her. And this is the first time we've been apart in ... I don't know how long.

I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

I really don't know how someone can be in love after 10, 20, 30 years. Deep care or like and being comfortable in our skin area them maybe? In love is for young and new IMHO.

I feel as though we are headed that way...

Same here. Not sure what to do.

My spouse and I just tolerate one another.