So why can't others in your family or his wife's family help? Can you ask someone else to take them in, and offer cash assistance?

I agree that you can't let them stay, which is sad for his children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to do what saves your health and sanity. I caught flack from family in the past for not taking in a cousin's toddler while she was being treated for mental illness and substance abuse. I stood my ground and am glad I did: She's been back in twice.

So what happened to the toddler?

Yes, that's a bit cold! What happened to the baby?

OP, obviously you cannot give up your own source of income to let your brother and his kids move in. Why is this even a question? What good would it do anyone if you lost your income? Do what you can to help, and ignore your mother. I'm sorry.

You cannot do anything to jeopardize your income or you will wind up the same place your brother is at. Do not take them in for that reason alone. If you find that your business could survive then maybe you could take in some of the kids. Are they well behaved? He should be able to find somewhere to live with all the kid. I def think it is time for some kind of social worker or somebody to help him find resources.

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't your mother take them in or pay their rent?

How many kids do you have and how many does he have? If you knew it would be short-term, I could see doubling up all the kids and getting an air mattress. But it sounds like there'd be no end in sight. And if it truly requires you to give up your income source, then how is that good for anyone if you can't pay your rent/mortgage or grocery bill.

I feel bad for his kids. He sounds like a real loser. The grandparents should step up, not you.

She cannot because her husband won't allow it. not sure about the financial situation with her. There would be five young kids plus teenagers. would rather not say how many each of us has because i think it could be an identifying detail. And no end in sight that is correct. I could not handle it! And yes my income source would be compromised to the point that i would have to give it up. so of course i don't want that to happen. I worked literally to the bone (broke two fingers setting up my work space, taped them up and kept going!). It FLOORS me that my mother cannot be supportive of my commitment and determination to take care of my own children ... At least this is how it seems.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to do what saves your health and sanity. I caught flack from family in the past for not taking in a cousin's toddler while she was being treated for mental illness and substance abuse. I stood my ground and am glad I did: She's been back in twice.

So what happened to the toddler?

Not easy. i think to take him in, is only going to continue to enable him. He has not stepped up to be the responsible father he should. If he was able to have children, he then became obligated to properly take care of them. How many kids? Is taking the kids in, at all an option?I am assuming 2 or 3, and if more then thats another ballgame.
I am just thinking about them and how horrible it must be for those innocent kids.
Your brother is going to have to stand up and face what he has created. I think as his sibling to advise him and offer to help him find resources is appropriate but also being firm about your inability to continue to support his irresponsible lifestyle must be made clear.

Only other solution I can think of is to stage a "family intervention" where you all come together (and for the kids sake) offer x amount of dollars to help them get on their feet, maybe 2-3 months of rent in suitable place, with the "gift" of giving him 2 to 3 months to find a job in an effort to be able to support his family. This way everyone could contribute and the burden doesn't fall on any one person. Not easy! Good luck.

OP, you have to do what saves your health and sanity. I caught flack from family in the past for not taking in a cousin's toddler while she was being treated for mental illness and substance abuse. I stood my ground and am glad I did: She's been back in twice.

OP again. THANk YOU to those who have responded i truly appreciate it. I have never posted on DCUM before. Really struggling with this but it is not something i can share in real life.

Why doesn't your mother take them in or pay their rent?

How many kids do you have and how many does he have? If you knew it would be short-term, I could see doubling up all the kids and getting an air mattress. But it sounds like there'd be no end in sight. And if it truly requires you to give up your income source, then how is that good for anyone if you can't pay your rent/mortgage or grocery bill.

I feel bad for his kids. He sounds like a real loser. The grandparents should step up, not you.

OP here. He is healthy, no physical issues. But he is stressed - understandably - having a tough time coping and seems to have trouble making decisions to improve the situation. My mother is also very upset and now i think being a bit irrational. I agree she has contributed to the problems by enabling him in many ways. She means well. She does not "get it." Or maybe just sees things differently i don't know. I haven't walked in her shoes. She is mostly hands-off with me - often unpleasant to me in fact - while still treating brother like a young child.

I would not take them in. This is a sucky situation for everyone though. I'm sorry.

Let your other take care of him!

That attitude explains why is so messed up. Does he has a disability or long term health issue that has made it hard for him to work?

I think your family is manipulative. Do what you feel is best for your children. We're not talking about a brother who was just diagnosed with cancer and needs a home. He has plenty of other options.

I am seeking opinions, advice, comfort, criticism, whatever - any feedback you have to offer. Quick background: I am single parent of large household and have a home-based business that i depend on to support my family. I am managing financially and in other ways - but barely! i think i am giving my kids the best i possibly can and like most people, working very hard to do so. Nothing has been "given" to me. Leaving out a lot of details here in hopes of preserving everyone's privacy - some vagueness is intentional.
My brother on the other hand has been struggling financially for his entire adult life. and has not done much (that i know of) to improve his situation. Since becoming a parent (there several kids now, all elem school aged and younger) he has become increasingly dependent on help from family members (including myself), government programs (food stamps and i don't know what else), and friends. help from family and friends in the form of cash, material goods, and childcare so that he and wife could work. But all the help was not enough, they could not make ends meet. Unfortunately they were evicted from rental house last winter and had to relocate to a basement apartment not really suitable for a family but was not intended to be permanent. Now the wife is out of the picture and they are once again in need of a place to stay. He will not consider a shelter or anything involving a group house, etc. instead looking to be taken in by someone. I have not volunteered because this is not something that i feel i can take on. I would have to give up my business and don't have another source of income so really for that reason alone it is not an option. Honestly though, even if there was not the issue of my work i do no think i could manage to take care of an entire family in addition to my own! Other family members have questioned my "supposed inability" to take them in and this has just left me distraught. It is my mother's opinion that i have a responsibility to help take of them. I have helped him in every way that i can and at times it has taken me away from my primary responsibility (my children). I think it is time for a social worker to step in! What do you all think of this?