When people ask if you if you've seen these things, just say "no" and change the subject.

She is trying to get a rise out of you and looks like she is winning. "favorite grandmother?" and "favorite aunt" - these are games for children. Be the adult, someone in your family has to be.

Anonymous wrote:"Other family and friends" should know better and also ignore SIL. You all pay her too much attention.

YES. OMG. It's like you are me.

Honestly, ignore. I had to block posts to keep my sanity.

Don't engage, don't be part of the drama, don't lower yourself to her level. This is exactly what such immature and petty drama queens want.

You are above this. You are better than this.

The person posting dumb stuff and PA remarks on FB looks like a childish drama queen...don't engage

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to change her or her behavior so forget about that. Since you've blocked her it seems the problem is people coming to you in order to gossip. When it happens, tell them you have no idea and that they will have to ask her. Shut it down, in other words. If they know they can't engage you with it, they'll stop asking. Problem solved.

This is the only actual solution. You're in a tug-of-war with your SIL. Put down your end of the rope and walk away.

You're not going to change her or her behavior so forget about that. Since you've blocked her it seems the problem is people coming to you in order to gossip. When it happens, tell them you have no idea and that they will have to ask her. Shut it down, in other words. If they know they can't engage you with it, they'll stop asking. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Other family and friends think something is wrong and contact me. They tell me what she is posting. Furthermore, before I blocked her, I saw what she was posting in my newsfeed.

This suggests that there is something wrong with your family if they are paying attention to this kind of nonsense. My husband's family is like this, constantly needing little controversies and fights to keep themselves entertained. Maybe you guys are all feeding into each other's drama?

Anonymous wrote:You've blocked her posts. How do you know what she's posting?

Read the entire OP! She says that her family calls her to tell her these things. This is a very unhelpful response.

OP, I have a SIL like this. It's IMPOSSIBLE to appease them. They will continue doing these things. Continue to invite them to things as you want to, but don't expect them to get over themselves. Keep your mom and yourself away from the mean posts and rise above. Maybe communicate to your brother how your mother would like more granddaughter time, perhaps without the wife. Like she can do a girls weekend while your brother and his daughter come and visit.

"Other family and friends" should know better and also ignore SIL. You all pay her too much attention.

Hide her posts, unsubscribe, and be more disciplined in not checking her profile out.

Also, saying that her sister is the "favorite aunt" - try not to read too much into that. Just channel your communications through your brother.

Ok. There are two possibilities here. The first is that this is all a big misunderstanding and she doesn't mean anything when she posts on facebook. The other is that she writes these little slights on her FB page on purpose. What is her goal? Her goal is probably to have you notice and be a little bit irritated. And what is happening? You are noticing and you are irritated enough to post about it on dcum. She is insanely petty and dragging you down with her. Don't let her win!! Be the bigger woman and remain cordial with her and ignore her stupid facebook crap.

OP here. Other family and friends think something is wrong and contact me. They tell me what she is posting. Furthermore, before I blocked her, I saw what she was posting in my newsfeed.

First, you need to get over the "slights" you mentioned when she posts about favorites, you sound like grade-schooler fighting over BFFs.
Second, block/hide her posts are Facebook.

You've blocked her posts. How do you know what she's posting?

My brother married a woman who is quite difficult. She is rarely satisfied, not nice to my brother, wants to be taken care of, hates his family, etc. We all know the type. Anyway, we have always been on egg shells around her so she doesn't get angry with anything. Since I have known her, she has thrown a tantrum and stormed out of family gatherings several times. At this point, we don't engage her, try to keep the peace, and just talk about things like the weather with her when we see her. She has also accused my mother of being too involved in their lives. So, again, my mother keeps her distance, tries not to bother them, never calls their house, etc. But, she will watch their daughter whenever they want and with no notice, because at least she gets to see her granddaughter.

So, even though my parents and I have really tried to keep the peace and not engage in fights or even react to bad behavior by my SIL, that does not stop her. We are all facebook "friends" although she recently "defriended" my mom. Also, I have other family members and friends that are mutual friends with both myself and my SIL. Now, my SIL is posting things on her facebook page that are not overtly aggressive, but very passive aggressive reflections on me and my family. For example, she will post something about her mother and say she is her daughter's "favorite grandmother" (a clear slight to my mother). Same thing about her sister being the "favorite aunt" (a slight to me). Other similar slights like this are posted on her facebook page. She posted something about "inconsiderate family members" right after we had her over our house, so many folks knew she was referring to us. There are also passive aggressive posts about my brother, who doesn't seem to mind. I too, really don't care what she posts or implies about me on her facebook, but because other family and mutual friends see it, they contact me and ask me what these posts mean. I have just tried to stay out of it and act like I don't know. I really would like to "defriend" my SIL, but I know that would cause drama, so I don't. I block her posts and try not to get tempted to check her facebook page out of curiousity about what she is posting next, and then leave it to our mutual contacts to judge for themselves.

Have others had experience like this? If so, how have you dealt with it? Thanks for any insight. I know this issue sounds painfully lame and "this generation", but nevertheless, it is something I am thinking about right now....