Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that this is considered something the needs assessment or evaluation. I was a tom boy and spent my childhood doing traditionally boy things. I never owned or played with a doll, didn't care about tea parties or dress up. I wanted to get dirty, climb trees and wrestle. Iit didn't mean anything - just what I enjoyed. It had nothing to do with my sexuality or gender identity.

Folks there is a continuum about how we express our gender and sexual identity. For girls it's being ultra girlie, feminine and into frills to the opposite end of the spectrum where a child born with female sex parts feels is she was meant to be a boy. Not do boy things or dress like a boy, but BE A BOY. Most kids fall somewhere in the middle. My daughter insists on wearing her brother's clothes and playing rough with boys. She's 8 and I cannot tell you when I last saw her in a dress. But she has not expressed a deep longing to actually be a boy. She knows she is a girl and is totally fine with that.

There are a very small percentage of children who do have that intense need to be the other sex in every way possible. Perhaps OP's friends are wondering where their son falls in this continuum and want to be able to support him wherever that is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't . I would not let my kid do that. Do what you want at 18 but in my house we are not ok with that.

That's really sad because there are real children who are born one sex, but identify completely with the other sex. Look up "gender dysphoria." They feel there some kind of mistake in their sex assignment. Some children as young as age six have gone so far as to attempt to mutilate themselves to become the other sex. It's not a "choice" or a phase or a result of improper influences. It's just who they are.

It's a sin and you deal with it and pretend its not there. Fake it . I would not want my child to burn in hell. This life is a stepping stone to a much greater world called heaven. I would be heartbroken if my child didn't go because I allowed them to be gay or transgender.

And yes I know what it is my cousin has decided to become a girl, he is transgender.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very cautious about trying to diagnose somethong here. There is no need to place a label on such a young child either way. There is really no way to tell if he is gay, straight, truly transgender, or just likes dresses. He can just be a boy who likes dress up, without pushing any adult notions on him for the time being.

Clearly you don't know much about gender dysphoria. It's not about labeling a child as being gay or straight or transgender. The parents are seeking information. Perhaps a diagnosis will come out of it, perhaps not. But if it does, it will come from medical professionals well-versed in this area.

It is only gender dysphoria if somebody makes him dysphoric. And I think there is a real risk of overdiagnosing gender dysphoria. Many many gay men report engaging in stereotypical feminine play as children. It is good to get support, but tagging a boy who likes to play with dolls as transgender is just as wrong as any other kind of gender essentialism.

And to pp who would not allow it in your home - f you, you are the problem

Anonymous wrote:I just can't . I would not let my kid do that. Do what you want at 18 but in my house we are not ok with that.

That's really sad because there are real children who are born one sex, but identify completely with the other sex. Look up "gender dysphoria." They feel there some kind of mistake in their sex assignment. Some children as young as age six have gone so far as to attempt to mutilate themselves to become the other sex. It's not a "choice" or a phase or a result of improper influences. It's just who they are.

I find it interesting that this is considered something the needs assessment or evaluation. I was a tom boy and spent my childhood doing traditionally boy things. I never owned or played with a doll, didn't care about tea parties or dress up. I wanted to get dirty, climb trees and wrestle. Iit didn't mean anything - just what I enjoyed. It had nothing to do with my sexuality or gender identity.

I just can't . I would not let my kid do that. Do what you want at 18 but in my house we are not ok with that.

I have a 4 year old girl who plays with cars, if given the choice will pick Spider-Man or superman stuff over princesses and fairies, hates pink, picked out some boy clothes and always prefers the boy item of its a product with boy and girl choices. It's never occurred to me to seek out a specialist or that there might be anything wrong. She's just a tomboy and she's figuring out gender and boy/girl differences.

I'm just mentioning this to provide the opposite scenario, and bring up the possibility that your friends might be uncomfortable because it's less socially acceptable for a boy to play with "girl" toys than for a girl to play with "boy" toys.

The book "My Princess Boy" by Cheryl Kilodavis was very well-loved by my nephew at this age. He stopped dressing as a princess around age 9, but had his parent's full support and encouragement to be who he is. He's a great pre-teen. Very into theater. I think the dressing in pink and dressing like a princess was part of his love for acting.

Anonymous wrote:I would be very cautious about trying to diagnose somethong here. There is no need to place a label on such a young child either way. There is really no way to tell if he is gay, straight, truly transgender, or just likes dresses. He can just be a boy who likes dress up, without pushing any adult notions on him for the time being.

The kid needs support. The parents want to know how to navigate unfamiliar territory. Experts can help. It's not like they want to pray away the gay.

Anonymous wrote:I would be very cautious about trying to diagnose somethong here. There is no need to place a label on such a young child either way. There is really no way to tell if he is gay, straight, truly transgender, or just likes dresses. He can just be a boy who likes dress up, without pushing any adult notions on him for the time being.

Clearly you don't know much about gender dysphoria. It's not about labeling a child as being gay or straight or transgender. The parents are seeking information. Perhaps a diagnosis will come out of it, perhaps not. But if it does, it will come from medical professionals well-versed in this area.

Thank you for these helpful responses. I will pass along the link.

And I agree, no one is looking to diagnose. Just looking to parent and support and move forward in the best way.

I would be very cautious about trying to diagnose somethong here. There is no need to place a label on such a young child either way. There is really no way to tell if he is gay, straight, truly transgender, or just likes dresses. He can just be a boy who likes dress up, without pushing any adult notions on him for the time being.

NP. This is very encouraging! We have come so far. I am a cis woman and Catholic to boot, but my gut feeling is that parents & society shouldn't impose gender on non-conforming kids.

Yes. Please have your friend contact Children's Hospital in DC. There is the Gender and Sexuality Psychosocial Program.

They can speak with the doctors about the possibility of a gender dysphoria diagnosis. There is lots of support and information. I work in a public elementary school and there is a student who was born a male, but identifies as a female. She is doing great, and I know they have worked with folks at Children's.
http://www.childrensnational.org/DepartmentsandPrograms/default.aspx?type=Program&SubType=MeetOurTeam&Id=6178&Name=Gender%20and%20Sexuality%20Psychosocial%20Programs

A friend's 4 year old son only wants to play dressup in girl clothes and be a princess and play princess games. Parents are supportive and allow him to play how he would like at home but they have questions and would like to speak to someone. He is an only child. Anyone in the DC area?