Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

OP isn't the one who's being a control freak...

She is. Grandma is just being a 90 year old. Not much of a filter, opinion about everything, in my day..... Op is the one upset because her kids didn't get x amount of butter on their toast. Who really cares. Getting mad at a 90 yr old for doing little things that are not harmful and just really annoying is a sign of a control freak. Her kids are actually going to be okay if great grandma scrapes some butter off their toast.

Anonymous wrote:Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

OP isn't the one who's being a control freak...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I'm 90 I'm going to reach over and scrape butter off the toast of whoever I please, even if they're strangers In restaurants .

I'm guessing no one will want you around if you behave that way. Have fun playing solitaire in the home.

OP: no question grandma is rude, out of line and annoying, but you know you've just got to take a deep breath and hang in there. Good luck to you.

Not a very nice comment. Maybe you'll be playing solitaire yourself one day. Don't make me scrape off your butter PP.

Anonymous wrote:Take a moment, write everything she does down, put it away for a few weeks and then reread it and laugh.

As long as she's not hurting the children, let them build some memories with her even if it's "great-grandma used to 'unbutter' the toast".

OP here, love this idea too. Thanks. It helped me just to write this post and vent about it a little bit. I already feel better.

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that older people start to lose their filters. My mom is a good example of this.

I've started telling my own mom who lives nearby, in the kindest and friendliest voice I can muster, that "that comment isn't very helpful" or "this is a difficult problem and it would be helpful if we're all as pleasant as we can be about it" or even, "we'll get this done a lot faster if we do it this way instead."

In other words, let her know you're all in it together, you know she wants to help, you appreciate her help (fake that part if you have to), and here's how she can make her best contribution. Use a tone of authority, to send the message that this is your family so you know what works best, and you're going to explain it to her.

I've been doing this for about two weeks now, and I'm *amazed* how well she's been taking it. She even apologized after I called her out for whining--sorry, I pointed out that her attitude made it discouraging for others.

OP here. Thanks, this is great advice. I'm going to try this tomorrow!

Anonymous wrote:When I'm 90 I'm going to reach over and scrape butter off the toast of whoever I please, even if they're strangers In restaurants .

I'm guessing no one will want you around if you behave that way. Have fun playing solitaire in the home.

OP: no question grandma is rude, out of line and annoying, but you know you've just got to take a deep breath and hang in there. Good luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that older people start to lose their filters. My mom is a good example of this.

I've started telling my own mom who lives nearby, in the kindest and friendliest voice I can muster, that "that comment isn't very helpful" or "this is a difficult problem and it would be helpful if we're all as pleasant as we can be about it" or even, "we'll get this done a lot faster if we do it this way instead."

In other words, let her know you're all in it together, you know she wants to help, you appreciate her help (fake that part if you have to), and here's how she can make her best contribution. Use a tone of authority, to send the message that this is your family so you know what works best, and you're going to explain it to her.

I've been doing this for about two weeks now, and I'm *amazed* how well she's been taking it. She even apologized after I called her out for whining--sorry, I pointed out that her attitude made it discouraging for others.

PS. And yes, just let go a little. It's only another week.

I've heard that older people start to lose their filters. My mom is a good example of this.

I've started telling my own mom who lives nearby, in the kindest and friendliest voice I can muster, that "that comment isn't very helpful" or "this is a difficult problem and it would be helpful if we're all as pleasant as we can be about it" or even, "we'll get this done a lot faster if we do it this way instead."

In other words, let her know you're all in it together, you know she wants to help, you appreciate her help (fake that part if you have to), and here's how she can make her best contribution. Use a tone of authority, to send the message that this is your family so you know what works best, and you're going to explain it to her.

I've been doing this for about two weeks now, and I'm *amazed* how well she's been taking it. She even apologized after I called her out for whining--sorry, I pointed out that her attitude made it discouraging for others.

Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

Take a moment, write everything she does down, put it away for a few weeks and then reread it and laugh.

As long as she's not hurting the children, let them build some memories with her even if it's "great-grandma used to 'unbutter' the toast".

Critical old people are the worst? Really? I'd say younger people with no empathy are the worst.

I agree with the flabbergasted PP. SHE IS 90!!! Your complaints are like someone who complains about how rude a toddler is. Do you think at 90 you will give a crap what others think of you voicing your opinion? When I'm 90 I'm going to reach over and scrape butter off the toast of whoever I please, even if they're strangers in restaurants. It's nice she cares about your DC's butter and shoes IMO.

Deep breaths and let it go. Try to view everything with detached amusement. It's hard, I know. My dad used to drive me up a wall sometimes, as much as I loved him. Just work on staying calm, it's only one more week!

TheNewGirl wrote:SHE IS 90. Just back off. You are an adult with a healthy grandmother. Do you know how lucky you are?!

How is that remotely helpful? If you're going to post with a username, don't be a dumbass.

OP, critical old people are the worst. But unfortunately, I think it's one of those situations where you can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. Lots of deep breathing. Lots of "thanks for your input", smiling, and walking away. Another week of her being around your children and wiping their toast (what the heck is that about anyways?) won't hurt them. And lots of alcohol!

SHE IS 90. Just back off. You are an adult with a healthy grandmother. Do you know how lucky you are?!

My almost 90 year old grandmother is not quite halfway through a 2 week stay with us while my parents are out of the country (she normally lives with them). I love her very much and am happy she can spend time with is and my children but I'm not sure I can take her for another week without blowing something. She means well I know but she is SO critical if everything. She has an opinion about literally everything and after a week of hearing comments on everything from how much the children eat, how much butter we put on their toast, what time they go to bed etc I'm seriously trying hard to stay calm. She ignores everything I ask her not to do. For example, last night DS didn't finish his dinner because he was full so she brought it into the playroom after dinner and kept feeding it to him while he was distracted despite the fact that I asked her not to do that. For breakfast she actually took their bread and wiped off the butter because she decided it was too much. I just bought DC some sandals but they were too big. She told me 10 times "you need to buy him different shoes" despite the fact that after I tried them on and realized they were too big I told DC I'd exchange them. I know it might seem like I'm being petty but multiply that 1 incident by 120 and that's about how many time something like that happens in a day. Because she's 90 years old I'm trying to be respectful but my patience is wearing thin. Please, does anyone have any suggestions for how to get through the next week?