Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

Well, go check out some of the recent threads. If you are experiencing secondary infertility and dare to express empathy to someone with primary, you are attacked. I should know better - it's par for the course for the mean girls of DCUM. But it's sad, because it means your forum is practically useless for anyone who is seeking support and understanding.

The problem, OP, is that primary fertility people sometimes post threads that aren't just about infertility -- they are about the real possibility of being childless, not by choice, and coming to terms with that.

For those specific threads, I would think that most rational people would realize that it might not be the place to post about your disappointment with just having one child.

It's not that secondary infertility people can't (or shouldn't) post on infertility threads. It's that there are some specific threads where it really isn't the place to post about secondary infertility, because the real issue isn't even so much infertility but coming to terms with being childless. That's a very different kind of struggle than secondary infertility. It really is only a few threads.

To the secondary infertility poster, it becomes annoying that you expect to get sympathy from people who would die to have the one kid that you have. I don't want to be rude but I can understand how the prim. infer. ladies feel. It is as if I am telling a homeless person about how crappy my apartment is.

I think you need a bit of a thick skin on an anonymous message board. There are boards that separate primary & secondary IF and might be a better fit for OP and mean PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oy gevalt.

+1. I'm a huge proponent of additional forums (tech, please!) but in this case none is needed. Chillax OP. You're blowing this way out of proportion, and I say that having been a part of that thread from the beginning.

Maybe so. But it is frustrating and hurtful to hear this stuff time and time again. There is a lot of ignorance and meanness directed toward people with infertility, and as a secondary case you are constantly told to basically shut up. Anything you have to say is a "complaint" (even when it clearly isn't. I stand by my assertion that some of you are just mean. I hope you are able to see past your own noses at some point and stop taking offense where clearly none is intended. I came here on a low day looking for support and a sense of community and I got attacked with a heap of undeserved guilt. Thanks for making me feel lower. I hope you're proud.

Please just step away from the internet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oy gevalt.

+1. I'm a huge proponent of additional forums (tech, please!) but in this case none is needed. Chillax OP. You're blowing this way out of proportion, and I say that having been a part of that thread from the beginning.

Maybe so. But it is frustrating and hurtful to hear this stuff time and time again. There is a lot of ignorance and meanness directed toward people with infertility, and as a secondary case you are constantly told to basically shut up. Anything you have to say is a "complaint" (even when it clearly isn't. I stand by my assertion that some of you are just mean. I hope you are able to see past your own noses at some point and stop taking offense where clearly none is intended. I came here on a low day looking for support and a sense of community and I got attacked with a heap of undeserved guilt. Thanks for making me feel lower. I hope you're proud.

Also, way to hijack that thread. If anything, your subsequent posts on that thread should be deleted. Start your own thread.

Anonymous wrote:Oy gevalt.

+1. I'm a huge proponent of additional forums (tech, please!) but in this case none is needed. Chillax OP. You're blowing this way out of proportion, and I say that having been a part of that thread from the beginning.

Oy gevalt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

Well, go check out some of the recent threads. If you are experiencing secondary infertility and dare to express empathy to someone with primary, you are attacked. I should know better - it's par for the course for the mean girls of DCUM. But it's sad, because it means your forum is practically useless for anyone who is seeking support and understanding.

Disagree. It's not the "mean girls" -- it's people who are suffering from primary infertility telling you that your comments hurt them. If you don't want to hear that , it's on you. It wouldn't kill you to be a little sensitive and to listen to others.

Jeff, some people find it difficult when someone who has living children says that their situation is the same as someone who has no living children. That's all.

By the way, I just have to go back and suggest that you read what I actually wrote. I NEVER SAID MY SITUATION WAS THE SAME. EVER. The fact that you insist that I did is on you, and suggests far more about you than it does about me. You're certainly one to talk about insensitivity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

Well, go check out some of the recent threads. If you are experiencing secondary infertility and dare to express empathy to someone with primary, you are attacked. I should know better - it's par for the course for the mean girls of DCUM. But it's sad, because it means your forum is practically useless for anyone who is seeking support and understanding.

Disagree. It's not the "mean girls" -- it's people who are suffering from primary infertility telling you that your comments hurt them. If you don't want to hear that , it's on you. It wouldn't kill you to be a little sensitive and to listen to others.

Jeff, some people find it difficult when someone who has living children says that their situation is the same as someone who has no living children. That's all.

And your comments, suggesting that I should shut up, hurt me. Not that you care. You'd rather be right in your martyr complex than admit that your comments were mean and unjustified.

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

Well, go check out some of the recent threads. If you are experiencing secondary infertility and dare to express empathy to someone with primary, you are attacked. I should know better - it's par for the course for the mean girls of DCUM. But it's sad, because it means your forum is practically useless for anyone who is seeking support and understanding.

Disagree. It's not the "mean girls" -- it's people who are suffering from primary infertility telling you that your comments hurt them. If you don't want to hear that , it's on you. It wouldn't kill you to be a little sensitive and to listen to others.

Jeff, some people find it difficult when someone who has living children says that their situation is the same as someone who has no living children. That's all.

jsteele wrote:We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

Well, go check out some of the recent threads. If you are experiencing secondary infertility and dare to express empathy to someone with primary, you are attacked. I should know better - it's par for the course for the mean girls of DCUM. But it's sad, because it means your forum is practically useless for anyone who is seeking support and understanding.

We already created both TTC and Infertility. Both are among the least used forums. I don't think we can justify further divisions. Perhaps the Infertility folks can just learn to get along? I really don't understand why being empathic would cause offense.

It is very hurtful and upsetting to try and chime in with words of empathy, regardless of your situation, only to have people take offense and start a war over which fertility cases have it worse. Probably just better for everyone to separate the two and then each group can simply avoid the other forum.