This has not been our experience, but our kids are young yet (late elementary). I don't feel we push academically and both excel at school and on standardized tests. When I say we don't push academically, I mean we don't do any extra websites or enrichment, don't drill math or help them study spelling, don't check at this stage to make sure they do their homework, etc.

We do make sure they have time to do what they need to do, that they get enough sleep and that they eat breakfast every day. We do make it clear that school is their number one priority, and that they are expected to do their best.

On standardized tests, one consistently tests in 95% or above, the other virtually always 99%. They both earn several ES grades on report cards and they are both two grade levels ahead in reading. The rising fourth grader is going to be in compacted math this fall.

Anonymous wrote:Every kid is different.

Some do have internal drive -- so need to be pushed to maximize their potential.

As a gross generalization, boys usually respond well to being pushed. Girls, not as much.

We have one of each, we do push DS more.

BTW, for video games, they seem to be pretty well self-motivated, so we never had to teach them how to get good at those.

Interesting statement. I definitely see that in my family. I just thought it was my DD's defensive personality vs. DS's more receptive personality. Can't tell DD anything. DS takes correction much better.

We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

How do you define 'push'?

DD is gifted, so I don't push her at all. I have extremely high expectations (all As, almost perfect scores on standardized tests, winning academic competitions, etc) but I don't have to push her to do them -- she is intrinsically motivated and seems to love it and thrive.

As a caveat, I also was like this as a kid. My parents also didn't push. Got full scholarships to college and grad school thanks to it.

"As my oldest approaches high school ..."

Until your kids are considerably older OP, I'm not giving your post (humble brag) much attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do not push.

And if you kids underperform, you'll blame the schools, the teachers, the lack of funding, etc.

Define "underperform". Perhaps also define "overexpect".

^^
"you" s/b "your'

Anonymous wrote:We do not push.

And if you kids underperform, you'll blame the schools, the teachers, the lack of funding, etc.

OP, how do you "push"? I've got a younger child, but I'm looking for ideas on how to help them become academically successful in the later years.

We do not push.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know the answer to your question, OP. Here's how it worked for us. We have two kids who have always been great students, intellectually curious, and self-motivated. Both are at Ivy colleges. We also have a daughter who struggles to maintain a B average in high school and would rather do almost anything than study. I think we've given all of our children similar opportunities and advantages, but they have responded differently to the parental environment we've provided. In a few years DD will be off to college and it will be up to her to decide how seriously she wishes to take her education. Just because you're the parent doesn't mean you always control your child's outcome. It is more complicated than that.

OP here. Do you think any part of it is due to family dynamics? If both of your older children are at Ivy colleges do you think that your younger one felt like she/he could never live up? I don't believe that the environment for two kids,even growing up in the same household, is ever quite the same. Do you think you might have been a little more relaxed with your third? In our case, my younger one heard me working with my older one from a fairly young age and saw how how much we valued education and responded positively. With my older one, she never had the experience of hearing me work with an older child etc. I agree too that a one size fits all model doesn't work- my younger one could have decided that he couldn't compete with my older one. Personality plays a big part in all of this as well.

I don't know the answer to your question, OP. Here's how it worked for us. We have two kids who have always been great students, intellectually curious, and self-motivated. Both are at Ivy colleges. We also have a daughter who struggles to maintain a B average in high school and would rather do almost anything than study. I think we've given all of our children similar opportunities and advantages, but they have responded differently to the parental environment we've provided. In a few years DD will be off to college and it will be up to her to decide how seriously she wishes to take her education. Just because you're the parent doesn't mean you always control your child's outcome. It is more complicated than that.

Every kid is different.

Some do have internal drive -- so need to be pushed to maximize their potential.

As a gross generalization, boys usually respond well to being pushed. Girls, not as much.

We have one of each, we do push DS more.

BTW, for video games, they seem to be pretty well self-motivated, so we never had to teach them how to get good at those.

Both of my kids do very well academically in school and on standardized tests but this wasn't always the case. Before my oldest started K, I had a very relaxed attitude towards learning. I read with my kids every night and did workbooks with them but not consistently. Once they started school, I realized how incredibly hard that I needed to work with them so that they would be academically successful/competitive. When my oldest was in K, I was told by my daughter's teacher that she was behind. I've worked with both of my kids and now they are both very good students. My oldest one consistently earns top marks on standardized test scores/straight A's. However, I'm not sure how meaningful the straight A piece is since so many kids these days get straight A's. My younger one has been pegged as one of the "bright" kids.

As my oldest approaches high school, I'm realizing that the secret to their academic success has been being a super involved and setting high expectations. My kids gravitate towards and have friends who are also very bright (which in my mind really just means hard working). I am finding that the parents of these kids also work hard with their kids/ have high expectations.

In my real life, I haven't found the kids that I've always heard about- you know the ones that don't have parents who push them but are just amazing on their own. I'm wondering if these kids are truly as easy to find as a magical unicorn.

Parents with other high performing kids, do you push your kids academically or do have ones that have seemingly learned via osmosis?