Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys who show affection to their wives/partners.

+1

So it turns you guys on to see a man kissing another woman?

I was pretty much always into the nice guys who would make great dads. I always looked for driven guys. Never dated a bad guy, but I do salivate over them in movies/TV still...

Anonymous wrote:Guys who show affection to their wives/partners.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I've always had my eye on the end game. I never (even in high school) dated any "bad guys." I never saw the appeal.

As a result, I dated a lot fewer people and was mercilessly teased for being so picky. But my DH is everything I wanted. He is only the third person I ever dated seriously and I started dating him at 21.

+1

My DH is also the third person I seriously dated, and we've been together since 22 (married "early" for this area at 25). Hated "bad boys." DH is hot (still!) but level-headed, kind, romantic, and financially responsible. He's also a great dad.

Really don't understand what makes bad boys appealing. Is it like rebellion against your parents or something? Because those guys are jerks to be around even when they are really into you. Bleh.

"Grown up" traits.

Cleans up after himself (no towels on the floor, socks on the couch, empty soda can on the table), has good planning abilities and foresight, realistic about the future (doesn't think nothing bad can ever happen like the 'superman' teenage types), ability to anticipate needs, can figure out how to feed the kids a real meal, not just take them for burgers anytime I'm not around.

Basically a someone whom I don't have to care for as an extra child.

Kindness. Intelligence. Humility. Humor. Secure in himself.

I was never into "bad guys." My dad was always supportive of and kind to my mom. I never wanted to date anyone who wasn't nice to me--I might find them physically attractive, but if they revealed themselves to be mean or selfish or rude, I just no longer found them attractive.

Smart and funny. Highly competent.

I've always had my eye on the end game. I never (even in high school) dated any "bad guys." I never saw the appeal.

As a result, I dated a lot fewer people and was mercilessly teased for being so picky. But my DH is everything I wanted. He is only the third person I ever dated seriously and I started dating him at 21.

Very smart and funny, to which I have always been attracted. But now I like alpha men who aren't total a$$holes. Then it was non-threatening intellectuals. For example college professor vs. CEO and owner of a successful tech company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well funded 401k

+ a pension and private health insurance that extends into retirement (huge bonus for long term relationship possibility)

This. If it's not happening at 40, forget it.

When I was younger, long hair, white teeth, buff, nice leggs were important. Now, I wouldn't care if he were bald, slightly overweight if he had his finances in order.

Guys who show affection to their wives/partners.

I don't find those traits hot. I find them admirable and touching. But some guy being paternal doesn't make me want to sleep with him.

Anonymous wrote:Well funded 401k

+ a pension and private health insurance that extends into retirement (huge bonus for long term relationship possibility)

Well funded 401k

I find myself attracted to different qualities now that I'm 40.

Now: Guys that are good dads. There's the checker at the grocery store who lights up when he talks about his two young daughters. There's the friend's devoted husband who is very hands on with his three kids. There's the SAHD who does pick up and drop off and always kisses his SN son good-bye and tells him he loves him each morning.

Then: Bad boys. You know the type... tattoos, goatees, the rough-around-the-edges, hard to figure out type. Unfortunately, I married one...

Wish 40-year-old me could've told 25-year-old-me what's really important in a partner.