Anonymous wrote:You will get branded.

You will get to know the parents pretty well and they will be room parents. You will share your views with them and they will silently nod or say they understand but will be judging you and talk behind your back.

I get significant FA for my child so somehow that makes parents more comfortable talking to me about financial issues (idk why - probably they just feel less pressure) so I hear all about who is cheap, who doesn't donate enough, etc.

THIS. Anyone who tells you that no one at the school knows or cares is not telling you the truth. Believe me, WE ALL KNOW who gives and who doesn't. Some talk about it, some don't, but we all know. You will become THAT parent. It is just how it is at independent schools. If you are comfortable with that, then it's a non-issue.

You will get branded.

You will get to know the parents pretty well and they will be room parents. You will share your views with them and they will silently nod or say they understand but will be judging you and talk behind your back.

I get significant FA for my child so somehow that makes parents more comfortable talking to me about financial issues (idk why - probably they just feel less pressure) so I hear all about who is cheap, who doesn't donate enough, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should go public.

Then she will just be complaining about how high her taxes are and that she shouldn't contribute to the teacher gifts or the PTA fund raisers. Annual fund is one thing...not giving to teacher gifts is just unacceptable. These people teach your children how to read and give them the life long gift of learning. Well...at least at our school they do.

It is totally your choice OP, I give because I like my children's teachers and appreciate the hard work they do in educating the children. No one will notice if you give or don't give, there is nothing but your own sentiments to sway you. The $30 in our school is requested by the room parent who cannot go beyond that amount due to the schools request. Then $10 is for a teachers gift at winter break, $10 for the annual fund and another $10 for the end of the year teacher gift. Very reasonable and doable for all.

Anonymous wrote:Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.

If that is what you think, then why do you send your child to the school?

RE teachers' gifts, that big tuition payment is not going to the teachers' salaries. Believe me, it isn't.

Sounds like you should go public.

OP, if you are so angry about sending your kid to a ridiculously expensive private school, then why are you sending your child there? Your (negative) attitude will surely rub off on your kid.

And as others have already stated, the development offices are raising monies from foundations and corporations to help support the education of YOUR child. The least you can do is give a token amount so the participation numbers are high. This makes it easier to sell the idea of giving to the school. When those institutions see lower participation rates by parents, then they assume the affected community doesn't care or need their money.

Quite frankly, you should step back and assess your family participation in a private school. If you were at my kids school and expressed this anger and attitude to me, I would consider it very selfish and off-putting.

Do you have a younger child who will be applying? If not, don't pay.

Also, OP, why don't you feel an sense of duty to help with the financial aid? Would you rather your kid be around only well-off kids who have endless opportunities? No mixing with the "poors"? If you don't help with the financial aid in some small way then you're putting it on the backs of all the other parents in the school who would like to try to give others an opportunity to attend a school that they would otherwise not be able to attend - great attitude!

You sound angry and indignant, OP. I don't think there is a private school parent out there who doesn't agree that the tuition is ridiculously high, but your attitude seems very off-putting to me - you seem to think the school is lucky to have you there in the first place.

Again, I agree that the tuition is high, but I also think you should educate yourself about the budgets of the private schools. They do not get any funding from taxes and tuition alone does not cover the total costs that the schools incur from the salaries of the faculty/staff to the maintenance of the facilities (plus all the other expenses). Schools rely on donations from families throughout the years to help cover these costs. If you don't want to give a significant amount at least consider giving a small amount ($5, $10, $20) since schools also rely on getting the higher percentages of parental support in order to apply for grants from various organizations. Without the strong support of the community then the organizations will not give grants.

Also, I don't think anyone will "brand" you at your school for not donating, but if you present with the attitude you do here in your OP then you will be branded as a bit of a pill - just saying. You don't come across as very nice on this one. I'm hoping I'm wrong for the sake of the school you are about to enter...

If you're pinching pennies, go ahead and skip the scholarship fund, but screwing the teachers because you think tuition is high isn't very cool. They're not the ones getting the tuition dollars. You're certainly not obligated to contribute to any gifts and no one would know whether or not you donated to a gift fund. In lieu of cash, a kind and free gift would be a letter to the administration expressing your appreciation for the teachers (assuming you actually feel that way.)

It's your attitude that is going to stand out if you're so vocally indignant about what you've paid.

Anonymous wrote:Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.

You sound angry. But don't give if it upsets you; it won't affect your child's experience.

You are right in that the tuition is very high and the school can survive without your support. However, schools strive for 100% participation in the annual fund, regardless of how much money you give. In addition, contributing for a holiday gift for the teacher will not be a lot of money, at least at my son's school it was like $20 per kid, so very cheap. Aside from annual fund and teacher's gift no other contribution is requested at my son's school.

I doubt you will get branded. Who would know?

My parents scrimped and saved to send me to private school and I doubt they gave anything extra because we really couldn't afford it. I don't think it affected anything negatively.

Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.