Anonymous wrote:And your father should grow a pair. Your mother isn't forcing him to do anything or stay away from you. He simply doesn't want a relationship with you. Sorry, OP, but IF he did, he would do whatever he could to have a relationship with you.

My DH wouldn't let ANYTHING stop him from having a relationship with his girls.

Your father made a choice. You at least need to realize that instead of blaming your mother 100%. If she really is mentally ill, why aren't you getting help for her instead of blaming her? Sheesh!

OP here. Not all people who everyone else sees as horrible want help for themselves. My sister and I have told my mother many of times. I can not club her over the head and drag her to the doctors. When we were younger we would side with out mother not knowing any better. It wasn't unlit I was in my twenties that I told my father that I would support his decision to leave mom if he wanted to. In the end yes he is responsible for his own decisions I am aware of that.

My husband is an amazing father.

It's good to hear that your kids have at least one nice parent!!

Anonymous wrote:I understand you OP.

For different reasons today is a very painful reminder of, well, everything wrong in my life right now. It's hard to read all of people's positive posts without feeling left out. I hope you & I find peace

OP here, Thank you for your kind words. It's sometimes hard to see all of the FB posts about amazingly close father/daughters I just would give anything for.

Dear Dad, So glad your dead! So peaceful without you Love, Your DD

Anonymous wrote:And your father should grow a pair. Your mother isn't forcing him to do anything or stay away from you. He simply doesn't want a relationship with you. Sorry, OP, but IF he did, he would do whatever he could to have a relationship with you.

My DH wouldn't let ANYTHING stop him from having a relationship with his girls.

Your father made a choice. You at least need to realize that instead of blaming your mother 100%. If she really is mentally ill, why aren't you getting help for her instead of blaming her? Sheesh!

you are in the quite the psycho bitch mode with this post. you also have idea what you're talking about. just because you think your DH is some kind of super hero does not mean that he is the standard bearer for the rest of the human race.

OP, I'm sorry you're hurting. I had a horribly dysfunctional relationship with my father, but for different reasons than you are grappling with. Best wishes.

OP, you're not alone. These "holidays" are always hard for those of us who don't have Hallmark relationships with our parents.

When wishful thinking, therapy, and laying realistic boundaries don't work, we just mourn because that's all we have left. Most of the time it's okay, but sometimes.....

I've figured out which days I should stay off of FB.

I'm the immediate poster. I would like to add, that my SIL was like this. Turns out she has dementia.

Get your mom to a DR!

And your father should grow a pair. Your mother isn't forcing him to do anything or stay away from you. He simply doesn't want a relationship with you. Sorry, OP, but IF he did, he would do whatever he could to have a relationship with you.

My DH wouldn't let ANYTHING stop him from having a relationship with his girls.

Your father made a choice. You at least need to realize that instead of blaming your mother 100%. If she really is mentally ill, why aren't you getting help for her instead of blaming her? Sheesh!

If she really is crazy, why isn't she seeing a dr/therapist/on meds?

OP,
I could have written this myself (though my mom's dysfunction is a different sort). Try as much as you can to see dad at times when mom is unaware (have lunch with him at work or skype at work lunch time).

Big hug!

I understand you OP.

For different reasons today is a very painful reminder of, well, everything wrong in my life right now. It's hard to read all of people's positive posts without feeling left out. I hope you & I find peace

Have you tried doing something with him alone on Father's Day. Why factor this wedge into the equation? That's a form of standing up.

Anonymous wrote:What does your mother have to do with two grown, related, adult relationship?

The OP's mother is the spouse of that "grown, related, adult". Don't try to act like that can be ignored. Save your snark for someone else.

She is a control freak and has beaten him down repeatedly. She gets jealous when he talks to me and what to know exactly what we said. It's very frustrating,

What does your mother have to do with two grown, related, adult relationship?

Dad,

I love you. We don't have the best relationship because of how crazy mom is. I'm sorry about that. I wish you would stand up to her. I also wish we had a more open and loving relationship. I hate Fathers Day because I morn for a father/daughter relationship that we will never have.

Love your daughter.